7 Things You May Not Know About Me

CindyDianne tagged me quite a while ago and I am just getting to it now. She tagged me to list 7 things about myself that people may not know.
So here it goes:

1. My biggest pet peeve is when towels aren't hung up properly.

2. My favorite alcoholic beverage is the Lime Margarita. Frozen of course.

3. I collect everything Disney Princess. Including bed sheets most recently.

4. I love to play Guitar Hero. I am a legend of rock!!! Okay, not really but I try. (And it never hurts to be a legend in your own mind.)

5. I went to camp for three days when I was 14 but I got really homesick and cried to come home.

6. I am so into my appearance that I constantly change my outfit, not just once, not just twice, way more than three times a day. I straighten my hair until I think it's perfect, I have a makeup routine for every day, for work and special occasions and of course you always have to accesorize. It's no wonder people constantly ask me "how's the music video shoot going?"

7. I love to watch horror movies, but then I scare myself so bad from watching them that I can't sleep and when I do sleep I'm having nightmares.

I am feeling a little bit better today.
I actually made it to school.
Finally.
I had a minor freak out and walked out after only writing a quiz but at least I made it there. Thankfully, I only had one class today and it was only an hour long but I managed to make it to class which I feel is an accomplishment especially since my attendance has become more and more sporratic.
I ended up bumping into two of my teachers and had to sit down with them and come clean. I hate doing it.
My program coordinator keeps telling me to "squish my anxiety, just stomp it down." That doesn't make me feel better it just upsets me and doesn't help any. If I could do that or just make it disappear like magic I would but there is no magic cure for depression. You can't just squish it down because it only makes it worse.
Anyways I have promised to go to class for the next two days, no matter what. I have made this promise to the program coordinator and there are witnesses, so there are no excuses unfortunately.
I have lost what I wanted to say and I think I am mainly rambling right now. So I am going to go finish my laundry.

Its 11pm and I have to be up in about seven hours but as usual,I lay awake thinking. Thinking about everything and nothing at all. I have to be in class for 8am and then rush home around 4pm and leave for work so that I can be there for five and close the store at 9:30. I know that I am going to be exhausted and stressed and that is one of the things that I can't stop thinking about. And in the morning, I will be so exhausted that I cannot wake myself up despite having to hand in an essay, write a quiz and then give a five minute presentation on my essay. (As you can tell I am overly ecstatic.)
I hate this feeling I'm overwhelmed but I could care less about what is going on and how things feel like they are falling apart right in front of me.
I constantly have all these thoughts floating around in my head with no where to go, so I guess they go here. Typed on a computer screen in no particular order and as I write this I suddenly feel my desire to write and my motivation to put some brilliant thoughts in to sentences and paragraphs float away.

I have no desire to write.
Not right now anyway.
Sorry.

Just another day at the office

I just returned home from the doctor's office. I made another trip out there again. I'm still having troubles with my shoulder. I'm still in pain and it is getting worse. I can't sleep at night or I do but only for a few hours at a time. It's like having a nap. I'm in so much pain that I can't do the simplest things. I have a numbing pain that makes my arm feel like dead weight. I have a swollen arm that never goes away. I have a lump in my shoulder that cracks and rotates. It never goes away either. I have tried two different anti inflammatories. I have had enough tylenol in my life time that I should have an ulcer. I am becoming more and more depressed that I can't do things like wash my hair, put on my coat before I go out. I am 19 years old and I should be able to do these kind of things.
So I stood my ground this afternoon. I have done everything the doctor has asked me. I have been stretching in the morning, I have lost weight, I have taken enough pills that don't do anything. I am so frustrated.
I asked him for something stronger than tylenol because it isn't doing anything for pain. So he suggested tylenol 3's. Again, it does nothing but he won't give me anything stronger because I could be using it for drugs. He says I could get all messed up and do what sleep? That's all those pills do is make me sleep. I think I understand why some people turn to the streets for drugs.
He is so infuriating. I hate this doctor so much but due to the shortage of doctors in this city, I am stuck and the doctor knows it. He can basically get away with whatever he wants because he knows there are no doctors in the city.
I had to yell at him to get him to listen to me and then when I got louder he just hummed over me and what I was trying to tell him. He refused to listen to what I had to say about my pain, about my depression and then when he finally did answer me he said "If you don't like my opinion go to emerg and sit there." "Talk to someone there because they will tell you the same thing - there is no magic cure!" I never asked for a magic cure, I asked for something to ease my pain.
Eventually he did give me the reccommendation for massage therapy and physiotherapy. Then he gave me the prescription for Tylenol 3's. He told me he didn't care if I took four of five a day but he's not giving me anything stronger. So I have enough for a few days and when I run out, guess what I will be back at his office.
And I will be screaming at him again. And apparently for him, it will be just another day at the office.

Halloween Pictures Finally!!!

That's all for now, blogger is being a pain in the butt. It took me over 20 minutes to upload these pictures and it's being really painfully slow.

I wish I had 8 arms

because then I could get everything done at once.

OR

a doppelganger (is that spelled right?!!?!) who would help me get stuff done or take my place so I could take a nap.



Halloween pictures will be posted over the weekend. (Probably on Sunday because that is my only day off.)