MMVA's

The MuchMusic Video Awards were last night, it's a big star studded event that takes over Queen West in Toronto. I don't really care to watch it anymore but for some reason I ended up watching the last hour of the awards show. I just have to point out one thing...Jacob Hoggard. I'm not 100% sure what he was thinking or not thinking when he went for the homeless look wearing tattered capri pants, a hot pink fanny pack, white tshirt and sweat stained head band. Oh and how could I forget that he was not wearing shoes.


I think that maybe he was going for the Tom Hanks look in Cast Away, a movie I have never ever bothered to watch all the way through.

Anyone else see the resemblence?
My favorite part of the show was watching the New Kids on the Block. I sat through an hour of awards just to watch the last ten minutes. Had I known that they were going to be at the very end of the show, I would have watched something else and just tuned in for that but it was well worth it.

So I've been out of school for two weeks now and I still have no idea what I am going to do. I have been perusing the job postings but everyone wants you to email your resume and cover letter. That is completely bizarre if you ask me, there is no personal contact, you don't get to meet the potential employee unless you decide to call them for an interview. I think it's dumb, but then again I also hate sending emails.
Yesterday was the media conference for the Athlete of the Year Award in our community. It is important to me because during my work placement I designed the logo that they will now be using. My mom and I went to the conference yesterday where they introduced the logo as well as the nominees for the award. It was cool, the local newspaper was there, one of the radio stations and the CTV crew. I talked to a few people but left as soon as I could. It was not what I thought it would be.
Anyways, if you did not watch American Idol last night here's the update...pot smoking hippie guy whose name I think is Jason was voted off which sucks because I wanted to see the hippie win. Paula Abdul was once again wearing some questionable clothing. It looked as though there may have been a dead animal on her shoulder. She should really fire her wardrobe type person. Oh yeah and Maroon 5 was on and Adam Levigne was somewhat rude, funny for me, some people not so much with the funniness.

Scrambled

I haven't blogged in a couple days because my mind is just absolutely scrambled. I was able to rewrite my capstone. My teacher was kind enough to take all my hard work and scribble and cross out anything that she didn't like or that I had done wrong. So the very day that I failed my capstone, I sat in the computer lab for a very uncomfortable seven hours. Those cheap plastic computer chairs are a special kind of torture let me tell you. I finally finished it by 5pm and handed it in, never wanting to look at it again.
Friday was my Advertising gala. The pictures are posted on my mom's blog, you just have to scroll through two posts to get to them if you haven't already seen them. The gala was okay but everyone started leaving early probably because the DJ sucked some serious ass and I picked him so props to me ...not. The food was fantastic though and that's all that really matters. There was a huge roast beef buffet followed by the biggest and tastiest dessert buffet I had ever seen in my life. Unfortunately I didn't get any pictures.
Saturday I went to the bar with Spencer and his work peeps. Spencer had a job interview at the bar... so now he has two jobs and I have none. I started getting a little too drunk so we went downstairs and enjoyed some nachos but really I wasn't having that great of a time so we decided to leave early.
I really need to start looking for a job, I have perused job websites and I have read all the job postings at the hospital since I've been there quite a bit the last two days. I applied for a copywriting job at the local newspaper only to have no luck. I have discovered on my mediocre job hunt that most places that hire advertising people are out of town and want you to have your own laptop. Well, let's think...I don't drive or even have a car. I don't have my own laptop so I will probably end up working some crappy job just to save up enough mula to get those really expensive things that I need to work in my field.
I have no idea what I am going to do or what I want to do which is why my mind is absolutely scrambled. Completely and utterly scrambled into a giant mess of everything. The Advertising program coordinator wants me to go Toronto for the Copywriting program. I'm thinking no thanks, I find Toronto a little too overwhelming after a couple of days so I think two years there won't do me any good.
Does anyone have any ideas as to what I should do? I could use a little help.

I am so nervous. I could throw up.
Dear God, please don't let me fail.

I'm at the college today, stressed out all to hell about my capstone project. (A huge pain in the ass project that encompasses everything I have learned in the last two years.) I'm almost done, all I have to do is print off my creative components in colour, bind the project all five copies and then complete my PowerPoint presentation. Not that much, really.
However, a girl who has a worse attendance record then mine, comes to the lab prints off a document that won't fit on a 8.5 X 11 sheet of paper, then leaves. (Rumour is that she failed the program...do I care? Not really, I just want the damn printer to work. I know I'm being a bitch but I have to take care of my own work.)Well the document she was trying to print off jams the printer. Normally we would go get the program coordinator and ask him to fix it. But because it is the last week of school, he is watching capstone presentations. So for the last three hours I have been triple checking all my work.
Finally another student has gone to interrupt presentations so that the rest of us can finish our work hopefully, but I'm really unimpressed.

Funerals - they are so bizarre

Today was the funeral for Shawn's sister Mary. It was very overwhelming and stressful because I often get the impression that Shawn's sisters don't like us very much. And to be in a crowded room where you feel unwelcome makes a funeral all that much more difficult. Although I did like Mary's husband Mike and her sons Chris and Justin, they are quite possibly the sweetest, kindest, most caring people I have ever met. I think that it is so unfair for them to loose someone who was so kind and caring. She was loved by many people and the outpour of support from family and friends was amazing. I feel bad that I only had the opportunity to meet her maybe once or twice and now she is gone. The last two days have felt completely surreal, I'm still waiting to wake up. One of her relatives said, that the words "she's gone" will be the hardest to say because it's the truth and if we don't say them, then it's like it never happened.
The last two days have really got me thinking though, funerals are the weirdest form of comfort a human being can seek.
We take a loved one who has passed away, clean them, dress them, put make up on them and then put them on display for everyone to come look at before putting them in the ground forever. We send flowers, cards and share memories in between the tears. We do all of this to comfort ourselves, to gain peace and understanding.
The last two days have forced me to look at Shawn's family from a different perspective and realize that maybe things can change and the feelings of awkwardness and anxiety will slowly dissipate.

Happy Birthday Spencer!!!
Happy Birthday Andrew!
I'm posting a RHCP song on my video bar for my friend Andrew who passed away this past October. We both shared a love for the RHCP and every day he would come in and sing me a line from a different RHCP song so this is for him. The first song he sang to me was Aeroplane, so it's over on the video bar. Check it out.
I will let you know my good news and a report on Spencer's birthday sometime soon!
Enjoy the weekend.

Chicken Factory

Please view the first video on the video bar. It's hilarious. Other than that I still haven't figured out the whole video bar thing so I have no idea what the other videos are but feel free to watch and let me know what they are.

OMFG!!!

I just read a rumour via the internet... get ready for this, there is a season 6 of NIp/Tuck. I can barely contain my excitement. Oh, I can't wait to get caught up on season 5.

In other news, I was able to get my archives back...Woohoo, unfortunately the spacing between my profile and links is non -exsistent. But you win some and you lose some.

Shot through the heart: The report on the Bon Jovi concert

Thursday night, was the night I had been waiting for since I discovered those Bon Jovi tickets that were meant for my birthday.
I was ecstatic, I was bragging to everyone, I just couldn't wait. The night finally came and I was still excited, then Jon broke my heart. Things will never be the same between us.
My biggest issue was he did not play enough of the Slippery when wet album. Secondly he did NOT play any of his 80's/90's power ballads. No matter how loud I screamed he just didn't hear me. I think the 15 year old girls who made the shirts and banner that said "You can lay you hands on me" were disappointed as well.
At one point he came on stage and said "I'm going to play you a song that we haven't played in about ten years it's called 'Fourth of July' I hope you enjoy it." Well he started playing and everyone got up to do one of two things 1) go to the bathroom, I did and the line was as long as it was during intermission. 2) Get more beer, I considered this option but I was afraid that if I was in line for over priced drinks he might play something that I had been dying to hear so I rushed back to my seat.
He didn't, the power ballads never came.
He mostly played his new stuff, which truth be told nobody wanted to hear and nobody knew the words...so yeah. I don't mind country, I will listen to it when forced but when I go to see Bon Jovi play I want to hear all the music that made him the famous heartthrob he used to be. He may not have partied as hard as Aerosmith, the Stones, Motley Crue, Poison any of those guys but he does not look as good as everyone thinks. Close ups of your face enlarged on a big screen is probably not the best idea when you are almost 50. His dancing or "bootyshaking" as Jon calls it was just awful, that man cannot dance to save his life and ripping off Mick Jagger's 'dance moves' which is more like someone pitching a hissy fit does not count as "bootyshaking." At one point throughout the night, he referred to the band as the greatest band ever because they performed for " a record breaking 5 nights in a row" He referred to the band as better than the Spice Girls (apparently he did not know I was in the audience and I love the Spice Girls), better than the Stones, better than U2...he just rambled obnoxiously about how great he was...this totally took away from the show and probably disapointed me more than anything. He was so self absorbed and self centered that it really took away from the show.
Richie Sambora who I don't like for no apparent reason needs to stop shopping at the celebrity thrift store because it was just sad. I want him to know that Crocodile Dundee called and he would like his clothes back. Also, I think Slash may be pissed that you stole his trademark hat. Keith Richards would be pissed too if he weren't so drugged up because Richie was a cheap knock off of himself.
Pretending to end the show...a million and one times is not entertaining its rather annoying, nobody likes that. At one point he "ended the show" and I was rioting inside because he had not played "Livin on a Prayer" or "Wanted Dead or Alive" but he played that "Fourth of July" crap that only a handful of people had heard of or ever enjoyed. And who comes to Canada and sings a song about an American holiday that means absolutely nothing to us?!?!?!
He did this cheesy photo montage of what I would call the worst aspects of Canada including the Toronto Blue Jays while he played "Who says you can't go home" Very upsetting to some, myself and Spencer included.
The thing that probably irritated me the most was he was playing other artists music and not his own. You would think that after 20 some odd years you would have enough material for a concert. I did not come to see you play "Twist and Shout", I did not come to hear you rip of James Brown, I came to hear you play the "Slippery When Wet" album. In the end the tour should have been titled "The lost cause" tour because his obnoxious antics were not enjoyable and people came to see him play the music that made him popular, not all of his new music. I didn't mind some of his new music, some people like it but mostly people came to see him play 80's/90's music.
However I will say that I was pleased that he played for 3 1/2 hours, I was impressed when he closed with my favorite song, I do like his newest song that features Big 'n'Rich and he does put on a hell of a show. Would I see him again? In a heartbeat and I would fight to get front row tickets. He was awesome, he was fantastic, he was obnoxious because fame has gone to his head but it was damn good. I definately got Spencer's money worth with this show and I would tell anyone who enjoys Bon Jovi that they should go because he does put on a hell of a show. It is totally worth it to put up with his ego that walks in before he does because he is talented, he is a professional and he sounds as good live as he does on a CD.
He may have broken my heart but it may only be temporarily. I think deep down, things can be reconcilled but it's going to take some time for my heart to heal.

Roll Up the Rim, to Please Play Again

Recently, Tim Horton's the biggest coffee shop in Canada has brought back the "Roll Up the Rim to Win" contest, where basically you purchase a hot beverage and when you finish drinking it, you roll the rim of the cup up to see if you have won a prize. They give away cars, gift certificates, free food/beverages, GPS systems, bikes, and televisions. The contest rules state that the odds of winning are 1 in 9. I haven't won a damn thing so I have decided that if I were to write a letter to Tim Horton's it would sound like this.

Dear Mr. Tim Horton's,
I am a frequent customer at many of your locations and I always purchase a large double double and currently your promotion of the "Roll up the rim to Win" contest states that the odds of winning are 1 in 9. So let me tell you this, in the last two weeks I have purchased approximately 20 coffees, so according to your odds of winning I should have won at least twice now. Well I have not won a damn thing. Not even a freaking cookie, like what is a cookie worth 30 cents. I am demanding that you reward me for my frequent patronage. And I want more than a damn coffee I want $27.80 back because that is the cost of 20 large double double coffees taxes included. And don't even get me started on the amount I spend on your damn bagels with cream cheese.
Sincerely yours, a very disgruntled customer,
The Adult in Question




Okay I'm pretty sure Tim Horton is dead, but I would write this to their head office or something if I cared enough.

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

It's official it's my Birthday Month. I turned 20 today. I just have one question though, does that mean that because I'm not in the 'teens' anymore,I have to grow up?

The Friday Morning Pants Fiasco

Today I am supposed to have my interview with D, however she has not shown up yet...tres annoying but moving on to the funny stuff.

Last night I stayed over at Spencer's so I brought my school books, clothes, hair straightener of course and anything else I needed for today. Well I have been so scatterbrained recently that this morning I thought that I forgot my pants. Normally it wouldn't be a big deal because I would just wear the ones I wore yesterday except it was late when I came over and I went in a taxi so I was wearing my pyjama pants.
We searched his room because I was 100% positive that I brought my pants. Then I thought that maybe they fell out of my bag in the cab. Or maybe I did forget to bring them and they were still folded on my bed at home. I was laughing hysterically because who forgets their own pants? Seriously aside from me who forgets to pack their pants? (I always get myself into the weirdest, most bizarre situations)
So we decided that I would wear my pyjama pants and we would go get a different pair at my house. So I quickly finished my hair got all my stuff together then, I had a EUREKA moment.
I ran into Spencer's bedroom, opened the closet door and there were my pants. Hanging up right next to my coat.
I had forgotten that I hung up my dress pants because I didn't want them to be wrinkled for my interview this morning.
So I was a few minutes late this morning but at least I was wearing pants.
(I also think that I'm going to get some sleep this weekend.)

Work placement, it's a scary yet wonderful place

I started my work placement yesterday and I wasn't nervous. In fact I was really excited. I stayed at the college to work internally for my program co-ordinator's advertising firm. It was a good choice because it gives me the opportunity to get caught up on work that I missed out on, develop my portfolio so it looks absolutely amazing and better than everyone else's. Oh yeah, and I'm in a completely comfortable area and don't have to worry about transportation.
I have two projects that I am currently working on with another girl as well as my own assignments that I am behind on. I don't want to bring school work home though because our computer has been a mess of sorts recently. It keeps getting viruses and such. I would be so upset if one of my projects for school was destroyed.
It's a really great work environment because I make my own hours every single day of the week. As long as I am in by 10am every morning I can basically come and go as I please.
Also, this week is reading week so 95% of the students are not at the college. This means I can actually get a seat on the bus, I don't have to fight for lab time,and the best part - no line up at Tim Horton's. I can get my coffee fix as often as I want and I don't have to stand in line for half an hour.
I don't have to dress professionally except for when we meet with external clients which is very nice even though I spent a lot of money on clothes.
Now for the not so great part of the week. D one of my teachers was supposed to do a mock interview with me for my career planning course. She was supposed to do it on Friday but she ran out of time. We were supposed to do it yesterday, she never showed up. . .even the program co-ordinator couldn't get a hold of her. The co-ordinator advised me to send her an email. I did that. She hasn't responded yet, so the co-ordinator emailed her as well to remind her. Still no response. She had an important meeting with the co-ordinator and she didn't show up, no one could get a hold of her.
So this is what I am thinking...maybe something, some sort of crisis has happened and she just hasn't had the opportunity to respond to emails. But then the bitter part of me is thinking, well she has professionally responsibilities so she should at least email someone to let them know that she won't be at the college. It would just be polite. To be prepared, in case she decides to show up at some point during the week I have been dressing professionally. She can be flaky, and she sometimes likes to do things at the spur of the moment. (I have to dress professionally for the interview because we are graded on appearance.)I'm annoyed but it's not that a big of a deal as long as it gets done at some point.
I hope that this time next week, I am still enjoying work placement and that these things will be resolved.

I LOVE THE SPICE GIRLS

and there is nothing you can do about it. Last night I bought the Spice Girls Greatest Hits album and quickly uploaded it on to Spencer's ipod. (I'm borrowing it right now because my shuffle is suffering from technological difficulties and I have some really LONG work periods this week)
Anyways, I didn't feel like posting tonight but I found a clip on the internet from the Spice Girls concert in New York. I am entering every freakin' contest that I possibly can in hopes of winning two tickets to their Toronto show next week. I am also getting Spencer to enter every contest so I can double my chances of winning. Ha! The plan of an evil genius...not.
Anyways here is the link to the clip, Enjoy and may you all spice up your lives.
(If clicking the title doesn't work, you can copy and paste the link into the address bar etc.)

http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-ca&brand=sympatico&fg=rss&vid=f869418f-cd50-40dd-89ea-dae65b073da5&from=imbot_en-ca_f_1824

Love me to Death

I'm halfway to reaching one of my goals...I went to school every day this week. Yay me! That's the good news.
This is the bad unrealted to advertising and my studies.
My evil stepsister is at the same college as me and it gets under my skin like you would not believe. She got everything from him that I never had. Why does she need to come to the same school as me. I know that she has the right to an education but she has never worked hard at school. In fact, she spent more time in detention then she did in actual classes. She skipped class,she was constantly arguing with teachers and peers. I have never seen her do homework. I've seen her throw homework out. Honestly, I never thought she would make it out of highschool. Not being mean but she is one of the dumbest people I have ever wasted time with.
I never wanted a relationship with my father because I learned at a very young age that his love was impossible to attain, not because he was closed off but because he doesn't know how to love. He doesn't know how to have a healthy relationship with anyone. I knew that being "Daddy's Little Girl" would never happen but I wished for it, I prayed for it. It never came.
I have buried everything from my past with him. Any memories I ever had were buried away. I had actually imagined his funeral in my mind. I had laid him to rest and had no regrets about never having a relationship with him. In my mind he was dead and I hadn't thought about him for almost over a year now until this.
I've bumped into her a couple times at the college but she didn't recognize me until today that is. She called my name and I ran the other way. I know that hiding isn't going to make it go away but it will prevent a confrontation.
I know that he has never loved my evil stepsister(s), in fact he has told me on a few occasions how much he hates them and his new wife, but he won't leave because without her he has no money. No money means that he has no more motorcycle and carpentry shop or any of the other luxuries he has had the pleasure of enjoying for the last 15 years. He used to tell me how sorry he was that he didn't have a relationship with my sister and I and that he loved me. It didn't mean anything to me and it still doesn't. Spending time with him in his home was hell on earth.
I always thought that if he really did love me, that he would help me out with some of the things that my mother sometimes struggled to provide.
In my lifetime (almost 20 years now) he never bought me school supplies, he never bought uniforms for highschool. He never helped with dentist appointments, doctor appointments. Nothing. When my sister and I were taking dance lessons that my mom and Shawn were paying for, he wouldn't drive us when we couldn't get there. He wouldn't help me with costs to play hockey...nothing. Any time I invited him to anything important in my life he made a point of not showing up, then later complaining that he was never invited to anything.
I know that money doesn't replace a relationship but it would have at least shown that he did care about me. This is more about him, that it is about my stepsister but seeing her around campus, on my turf just brings the past back to the surface.It's a constant reminder of the things that I had made peace with, that I had removed from my life.
The education that I had to work for, the education that has put me into debt about $10,000, she is getting for free. My "Dad" is buying it for her along with her mother and grandmother.
The worst part is that now that she has confirmation that I am at the college means that "Daddio" should be making his yearly appearance soon. Just in time for my birthday folks. How did he know that is exactly what I wanted? Confrontation with the man that I despise.
He provided for her and her sister, not his own children. The ones that he abandoned over 15 years ago. I think the part that hurts the most is that my younger sister actually wants a relationship with him and the evil stepsisters. She's even facebook friends with the evil stepsister but any time I mention it, it causes an arguement between her and I. I have lost enough "family" as it is and I can't really afford to lose more. I hope and pray that one day my sister will realise what I learned so many years ago.
I'm not going to let her stop me from finishing my education. I have struggled enough this year and I am working hard to accomplish my goals.I have overcome many obstacles and she is not going to be another one. I just wish that I didn't have to see her and I really hope that she doesn't have the moxy to talk to me because I don't know that I can cope with that. i don't want another speech on how much my "Dad" loves me and misses me because honestly, he will "love" me to death if I have to deal with his shit.
Sometimes it would just be easier if the past stayed right where it should - in the past.

The Mess I Created All by Myself and Goal Setting

It's been a so-so day to say the least. It's freezing cold outside. And of course my bus was late. I should know better by now but apparently I don't. So I was stuck waiting at the mall to catch my connecting bus to the college. I arrived only twenty minutes late but let me tell you that was the scariest bus ride of my life. I was praying to God like a mofo. The roads aren't horrible but they are definately not great either. There was black ice most of the way to the college and the bus driver stressing to make his next route on time was WAY over the speed limit. We smashed off the curbs multiple times and swerved into the other lane at least twice. But here I am I survived.
I went directly to my program co-ordinator not class even though I was late. I wanted to talk to him about work placement desperately. I have been so stressed about this and because of my depression I have fallen behind in school. It's a mess I created all by myself but a mess none the less.
We came to a decision/conclusion whatever you want to call it.
This is the game plan. . .
I will be doing my work placement at the college for my program co-ordinator. This means I don't have to go through the interview process and I still get to do the work experience. We have to do a minimum of 25 hours a week for five weeks to total 120 hours. I will be doing the minimum while I can use the lab to catch up on all my assignments. The program co-ordinator will help me get the time I need and get extensions to get the work done.
In the end, my concerns regarding failing the semester have diminshed which leaves me feeling A LOT better. With that sorted out, all I have to do now is keep working on the assignments I am behind on so that I can graduate.
Moving on, remember how I love copywriting. No worries, I still love it and even though I sometimes lose track of the purpose of the assignment I am still doing well. I received an assignment back today and although I had lost complete track of the assignment the teacher told me that I am a very talented writer. She also said to give it another try. That made me feel really good because my grades have slipped dramatically but hey I am a talented writer.
So the next thing on my list. I am going to share my goals with you. According to some author whose name I can't remember, it is essential to share goals with others because it helps you to achieve them in a timely manner. Not only that there are people to remind you of your goals and will encourage you to complete them. I encourage you to share your goals with others for many reasons:
1. It makes you feel better to know that someone else can help you achieve your goals
2. You are more driven to complete them because you don't want to disappoint others or yourself
3. You are more likely to achieve goals that are specific, written down, shared and have a deadline.
These are my goals from now February 11, 2008 until April 30, 2008.
-to get caught up on all assignments and achieve a grade of 60% or higher
-to make the committment to work experience and stay with it
-to attend every single class for the next two weeks until work placement starts
-to find the postitive aspects in everything that happens and to dwell less on the negative and more on the positive

Your goals don't need to be related to any one thing they can relate to a variety of things including personal life, work, health, family etc.
Feel free to share some goals.

I finally found out about my work placement. It's not as complicated as I thought. Still nerve racking though.
I'm not doing so well with my depression. In some respects it seems to be eating me alive. The anti-depressants that I am taking aren't really doing anything.
In other news though, I found my sponsor for the gala. So that is taken care of, one less thing to do.
I have some things to do for my portfolio, and a rewrite on my resume/cover letter.
But not much.
That's all that's new with me.

I've been meaning to blog for quite some time now but apparently the school computers have blocked blogger and by the time I get home my desire to write has wilted away to say the least.
And now that I am writing I am so unsure of what topic I should discuss first.
I think I am going to start with my trip to Toronto.
Spencer and I spent the past weekend in Toronto shopping and basically going anywhere my little heart desired. Plus we had tickets for the Ozzy/Rob Zombie concert. We did a lot of shopping at the Eaton's Center. It was mainly overwhelming and not as enjoyable as I remembered. We dabbled with the idea of going to the Zoo or the Science Center or the Royal Ontario Muesem. We didn't do any of those. It was freakin' cold as hell with the wind coming off Lake Ontario and I was too lazy to try and figure out the subways with Spencer. However we did go to the Hard Rock Cafe. I had never been and wanted to go oh so badly. Our server was pretty cool. He sat at our table and talked with us and he took Spencer around to see all the metal memorbilia. There wasn't much but they did have King's guitar. Oh and my fav part, the bathroom floors were sparkly. By the bathroom doors, there was a huge frame on the wall that contained autographs from celebs of course all on napkins or bits of toilet paper. Rather appropriate I thought. Most of the signatures were hard to decipher but I remember Patti Labelle's signature only because she took the time to print her name below her signature.
After shopping and hanging out in the Hard Rock Cafe we went back to the hotel to get ready for the Ozzy concert.
The Ozzy concert was good, he can still rock for an old fart who depends mainly on his wife Sharon because years of drugs, booze and partying have taken a toll and his brain. He was more entertaining than Rob Zombie who is a big freak show. Ozzy did an encore and played "Mama I'm coming home" which is my favorite song and he also played "Paranoid", which is Spencer's fav song. Zac Wild who I find incredibly annoying and full of himself did a 20 minute guitar solo at which point the boob cam came out. Women mostly soccer moms were showing their boobs to the camera which displayed it to the audience. We tried to get pictures of the soccer moms a few rows ahead of us dykin it out but the angle we were on was so horrible and they kept turning around. It makes me wonder if these are the same lovely ladies from the Poison concert or are they just more women who have no self respect, few morals and don't know their limitations in terms of alcohol and drugs. Hmmm.
Anyways back to Zac Wild the ego maniac. The waiter at the Hard Rock Cafe informed us that usually when Zac is in town he likes to come there for dinner except last year there was a minor problem and he may not return this year. Well he peaked our curiousity enough that we took the bait and asked the waiter what he meant.
Zac Wild came into Hard Rock Cafe last year and ordered dinner, ate, drank whatever. Well the bill came and he refused to pay! He was there out of his own choosing and was doing no promotion for the restaurant whatsoever. Well it was a big deal, who knows if he paid or not...but he caused quite the scene.
So that was the Toronto trip.
Now to tell you about my event planning class. I don't really like it. It's okay but it's three hours long after being in the computer lab for two hours prior to that on a Friday. That means ladies and gentlemen that I am not home until about 6pm. Gross.
The main focus of the event planning class is to plan the advertising awards gala which will be held at the end of term and will focus on the graduating class. It is also when we will be dispensing awards to the annoying overachievers who live and breathe advertising. Freaks.
Anyways, I am undecided as to whether or not I will be attending the gala. I have been putting it off for a few weeks now but I have to RSVP tonight with the number of guests I will be bringing along to this Casino Royale black tie event.
I don't really have any friends in the program , I barely scraped by on grades last year and I know full well that this event is for those who will be getting awards.
It also means that I have to get a dress and all that shit. As much as I love formal events, the dress shopping is stressful and makes me cry. Dressmakers consider anyone over the size of like 10 is plus sized. It's very frustrating because I don't consider myself plus sized. When I mistakenly went to prom it took me months to find a dress and when I finally did I was considered a 2x (which is about a size 20 in plus sized clothing stores) and it cost about $300. Granted I didn't pay for the dress but it was still somewhat depressing. I don't know if I should go or not. Will it be something I regret if I don't go? Probably.
My favorite part of this whole thing is that I have to find sponsors to donate money to the gala. Great now I have to call strangers on the phone and ask them for money so I can party like a rockstar. This is how I imagine the conversation going in my head.
Hello, I am The Adult in Question from blank school in blank city. My advertising program is holding an awards ceremony for the graduating students and we wondering if you be generous in donating a minimum of a $100 to the event. For any donation over $500 your company will receive free advertising at the gala. Such as, blah, blah, blah, blah...
Sorry, you don't want to donate money. Okay. Thank you for your time.
I don't really want to do it but in order to get I think like 15% of your mark you have to bring in one sponsorship with a minimum of $100. Plus, the more money we raise, the less we have to spend on tickets. Tickets are anywhere from $25 to $45 a person depending on venue and catering. And even the students have to purchase their own tickets to the event how crap is that?
Anyways, if anyone has any suggestions on the gala or the sponsorship I would be happy to hear them. If anyone wants to sponsor my event please let me know. That would be fantastic and I would love you for eternity.
That's all I have to say for the time being. I'm done my ranting.

♥ I ♥ love ♥ Wednesdays ♥

Wednesdays have always been my favorite day of the week but I love them oh so much more now. On Wednesdays from 1-3pm I have a copywriting class. I am so in love with it. For the first time since I have been in school I am actually enjoying a class. Really enjoying a class.
And unfortunately I only have this class once a week for five more weeks because I have to start work placement. I think that if I ever persued advertising afer school it would be in this field.
When the two hours fly by, I am left feeling empty and starving for more. I hate leaving that class and I hate even more not having homework for that class. As lame as that makes me sound. You can feel free to make fun of me Spencer and Liz (who is finally home now) tease me about it.
I don't think they understand the insatiable hunger I have to write and how inspired I feel to write. It's like suddenly I have a thousand ideas bouncing around in my head and nowhere to put them. I have words and phrases all jumbled in my mind waiting to pour out on to any blank piece of paper. For the first times in months I have been able to fill any empty white space with words or phrases or pictures. Ideas that come to mind, designs and everything else.
Homeworks assignments are dripping with doodles and jumbled words that don't make sense to anyone but me. Powerpoint presentation handouts are etched with designs, short stories and eureka moments. I have never felt as much desire to write as I do these last two weeks.
(My blog is a poor example though because I have not been blogging very much.)
I hope that when it comes time to find a work placement position it will be working for an ad agency in the copywriting department.

Oh crappity crap, crap. I'm sitting in my Web Techniques class and have no idea what my teacher is talking about. There's all these terms and what not that are making absolutely no sense to me. Sure, it's not the first time I've been in class and had no idea what was going out but it's the first time I have panicked about it. I missed way too many classes last semester and it shows so now I have to get my act together and pretend to know what I am doing. This web site that I am supposed to design is supposed to be all about me and become a helpful tool in finding a job in April if and when I graduate. Well, if it looks like the website I designed last semester than I am doomed.
Any ideas on how to create a professional and appealing website please forward ideas here because I have no idea what I am going to do.

Busy Day

Today was a pretty busy day. Spencer and I took Kayla to get her belly button pierced. She was so nervous and she had to wait for the three girls before that were getting their navels pierced as well. It took about an hour just to get a freakin' piercing.
After that we met up with Jessica to check out grad dresses. She hasn't decided on a dress yet but she still has some time.
Eventually Spencer and I got a chance to stick to the original plan which was to exchange a book my mom bought me for Christmas, go out to dinner and see the movie JUNO.
We went to one of my fav restaurants Moose Winoski's and then the arcade!!! Spencer and I ate so quickly because we had ants in our pants to go play games. We always play the super easy games so that we can hit the jackpot and get lots of tickets.
(on a side note for Heidi....Sportsworld still does not have a shit department but that's a whole other extremely disgusting story which we will have to tell eventually)
The prizes were all really super lame so we held on to our tickets to use for another day.
After winning about 600 tickets we headed into Future Shop so Spencer could look for an IPOD case for his new IPOD NANO third generation with 8GB. Yeah, I am slightly jealous. And to my surprise they had one of my fav shows on DVD on sale for Boxing Day/Week/Month whatever. Spencer bought me the first three seasons of Nip/Tuck, it's just too bad that tomorrow is my last day of Christmas Holidays. But at least my unemployed ass will be entertained for the next little while.
After blowing a good chunk of change at Future Shop we finally got to Chapters. I was able to exchange my book and get the 8th novel in the series. Luckily we beat the extra long lineup and made it to our movie on time.
Now for the review of JUNO. . .
It was okay, not fabulous. It was some what like Napolean Dynamite except it had a pregnant teen. There were some funny parts and I absolutely loved Allison Janney in the film. Other than that I would not call it a must see, you could wait to rent it and I'm a little bit disappointed that I chose this over Sweeny Todd.
So now it's off to my room to watch some Nip/Tuck.

"That's Amazing"

I quit my job today. I left them extremely short staffed and stressed but I'm really not concerned. My boss was very angry and I didn't care. I know it's very unprofessional to quit a few hours before you are supposed to come in and work but it is also very unprofessional to refuse time off when one of your employee's has a severe family emergency.It's also very unprofessional to schedule your employees for ten days in a row with no time off because it's "christmas and boxing day."
I need a place of employment that is a little more flexible and willing to work with students. I also need a place of employment where my manager doesn't yell at me for every single shift that I work. In the last month, my manager has not said anything kind to me. She has yelled at me, made unprofessional comments on the sales floor and called my house more than three times in an hour looking for me to come in and work. I also don't need her making comments regarding my health issues or telling me that I am plus sized.
She was going to write me up again today and I really didn't feel like going through that process again today. So instead I quit. I have work placement in January for school and I still need to attend 32 hours of class a week. I need a job where I can work a few shifts a week and I know that every job has its own problems and stresses but I am exhausted.
So unfortunately with the job goes the awesome discount, but in the end it isn't worth all the trouble.
Look's like my schedule is clear and I can enjoy the rest of my time off.

Too much stress. I'm taking a break to enjoy what little time off that I have. Enjoy the new music on my blog!

My computer at home is bombarded with viruses and such so my mom and I may not be blogging for a little while. I'll try to do some posts from Spencer's house.

My last day with Prancer

Today is my last day of my third semester which means I only have one semester left and then I am thankfully done with advertising. I was hoping the day would pass without a run in with Prancer. We all know how much I love him.
I am sitting in the computer lab, stressing, freaking out and dreading the presentation that I am required to do this afternoon. I have prepared a powerpoint presentation, I am rereading it and memorizing it, hoping for as little embarassment as possible this afternoon.
So here I am minding my own business, when Prancer squacks at the girls next to me. Can I use your login? I am out of paper? (basically he has used all his print credit for the semester and can't print anything off and therefore has no assignment to hand in this afternoon.)What a shame. If it were me I would have said "No." but the other girls being polite and just wanting to get on with their own project unwilling oblige because he is already over here in their faces.
At this point he turns to me and says "K you have been miserable all semester, is something wrong? Do you have a problem?"
I was tempted to say something rude but rather than engage in a battle of wits with this jackass I replied "No, I'm fine. Thanks for asking."
I'm not thankful he asked, I want to punch him in his Archie comics look alike face but I am refraining. Although it would probably get me out of this presentation this afternoon. I mean he is such a bird that he would call the cops.
So, I am still here, punch free. I hope this afternoon goes by quickly because I am totally ready for Christmas Holidays.

Christmas Time

Tomorrow is my last day of classes/exams/presentations whatever you want to call it. I am so excited because that means that I have only one semester left. It also means that it is Christmas time. There are lots of Christmas specials on TV, hot chocolate and late nights playing Yahtzee with my mom. It also means that my mom and I can watch reruns of our favorite shows on DVD including Fat Actress, Buffy and Friends.
I can't wait for tomorrow to be over.

Slow Cheetah

Waking up dead inside of my head
Will never do there is no med
No medicine to take

I've had a chance to be insane
Asylum from the falling rain
I've had a chance to break

It's so bad it's got to be good
Mysterious girl misunderstood
Dressed like a wedding cake

Any other day and I might play
A funeral march for Bonnie Brae
Why try and run away

Slow cheetah come
Before my forest
Look's like it's on today

Slow cheetah come
It's so euphoric
No matter what they say

I know a girl she worked in a store
She know not what
Her life was for
She barely knew her name

They tried to tell her
She would never be
As happy as the girl
In the magazine
She bought it with her pay

Everyone has
So much to say
They talk talk talk
Their lives away
Don't even hesitate

Walking on down
To the burial ground
It's a very old dance
With a merry old sound
Looks like it's on today

- The Red Hot Chili Peppers

I've had a crappy week. Don't even ask.

7 Things You May Not Know About Me

CindyDianne tagged me quite a while ago and I am just getting to it now. She tagged me to list 7 things about myself that people may not know.
So here it goes:

1. My biggest pet peeve is when towels aren't hung up properly.

2. My favorite alcoholic beverage is the Lime Margarita. Frozen of course.

3. I collect everything Disney Princess. Including bed sheets most recently.

4. I love to play Guitar Hero. I am a legend of rock!!! Okay, not really but I try. (And it never hurts to be a legend in your own mind.)

5. I went to camp for three days when I was 14 but I got really homesick and cried to come home.

6. I am so into my appearance that I constantly change my outfit, not just once, not just twice, way more than three times a day. I straighten my hair until I think it's perfect, I have a makeup routine for every day, for work and special occasions and of course you always have to accesorize. It's no wonder people constantly ask me "how's the music video shoot going?"

7. I love to watch horror movies, but then I scare myself so bad from watching them that I can't sleep and when I do sleep I'm having nightmares.

I am feeling a little bit better today.
I actually made it to school.
Finally.
I had a minor freak out and walked out after only writing a quiz but at least I made it there. Thankfully, I only had one class today and it was only an hour long but I managed to make it to class which I feel is an accomplishment especially since my attendance has become more and more sporratic.
I ended up bumping into two of my teachers and had to sit down with them and come clean. I hate doing it.
My program coordinator keeps telling me to "squish my anxiety, just stomp it down." That doesn't make me feel better it just upsets me and doesn't help any. If I could do that or just make it disappear like magic I would but there is no magic cure for depression. You can't just squish it down because it only makes it worse.
Anyways I have promised to go to class for the next two days, no matter what. I have made this promise to the program coordinator and there are witnesses, so there are no excuses unfortunately.
I have lost what I wanted to say and I think I am mainly rambling right now. So I am going to go finish my laundry.

Its 11pm and I have to be up in about seven hours but as usual,I lay awake thinking. Thinking about everything and nothing at all. I have to be in class for 8am and then rush home around 4pm and leave for work so that I can be there for five and close the store at 9:30. I know that I am going to be exhausted and stressed and that is one of the things that I can't stop thinking about. And in the morning, I will be so exhausted that I cannot wake myself up despite having to hand in an essay, write a quiz and then give a five minute presentation on my essay. (As you can tell I am overly ecstatic.)
I hate this feeling I'm overwhelmed but I could care less about what is going on and how things feel like they are falling apart right in front of me.
I constantly have all these thoughts floating around in my head with no where to go, so I guess they go here. Typed on a computer screen in no particular order and as I write this I suddenly feel my desire to write and my motivation to put some brilliant thoughts in to sentences and paragraphs float away.

I have no desire to write.
Not right now anyway.
Sorry.

Just another day at the office

I just returned home from the doctor's office. I made another trip out there again. I'm still having troubles with my shoulder. I'm still in pain and it is getting worse. I can't sleep at night or I do but only for a few hours at a time. It's like having a nap. I'm in so much pain that I can't do the simplest things. I have a numbing pain that makes my arm feel like dead weight. I have a swollen arm that never goes away. I have a lump in my shoulder that cracks and rotates. It never goes away either. I have tried two different anti inflammatories. I have had enough tylenol in my life time that I should have an ulcer. I am becoming more and more depressed that I can't do things like wash my hair, put on my coat before I go out. I am 19 years old and I should be able to do these kind of things.
So I stood my ground this afternoon. I have done everything the doctor has asked me. I have been stretching in the morning, I have lost weight, I have taken enough pills that don't do anything. I am so frustrated.
I asked him for something stronger than tylenol because it isn't doing anything for pain. So he suggested tylenol 3's. Again, it does nothing but he won't give me anything stronger because I could be using it for drugs. He says I could get all messed up and do what sleep? That's all those pills do is make me sleep. I think I understand why some people turn to the streets for drugs.
He is so infuriating. I hate this doctor so much but due to the shortage of doctors in this city, I am stuck and the doctor knows it. He can basically get away with whatever he wants because he knows there are no doctors in the city.
I had to yell at him to get him to listen to me and then when I got louder he just hummed over me and what I was trying to tell him. He refused to listen to what I had to say about my pain, about my depression and then when he finally did answer me he said "If you don't like my opinion go to emerg and sit there." "Talk to someone there because they will tell you the same thing - there is no magic cure!" I never asked for a magic cure, I asked for something to ease my pain.
Eventually he did give me the reccommendation for massage therapy and physiotherapy. Then he gave me the prescription for Tylenol 3's. He told me he didn't care if I took four of five a day but he's not giving me anything stronger. So I have enough for a few days and when I run out, guess what I will be back at his office.
And I will be screaming at him again. And apparently for him, it will be just another day at the office.

Halloween Pictures Finally!!!

That's all for now, blogger is being a pain in the butt. It took me over 20 minutes to upload these pictures and it's being really painfully slow.

I wish I had 8 arms

because then I could get everything done at once.

OR

a doppelganger (is that spelled right?!!?!) who would help me get stuff done or take my place so I could take a nap.



Halloween pictures will be posted over the weekend. (Probably on Sunday because that is my only day off.)

The Great Costume Revealed

Thanks, for all the guesses as to what Spencer and I are for Halloween. Unfortunately no one guessed correctly.
While we did put some serious thought in to becoming Riff Raff and Magenta of the Rocky Horror Picture Show our budgets did not allow for this costume and we couldn't find a skullet for Spencer.
So the characters we are going to be this evening are....
drum roll please

Britney Spears and Kfed.

The only thing we need to decide now is if we are going to be prebreak up or post breakup.
I think we should be post break up and I can run around with baby dolls upside down and a bottle of Smirnoff vodka. I can also smudge some lipstick on to my face and carry around a dime bag.
But don't worry, I will be wearing underwear and pants.

I'll make sure that my mom or I post some Halloween pictured for your entertainment.


Happy Halloween.

It's the Great Halloween costume contest

Guess what? Spencer and I have finally figured out what we are going to be for Halloween, and it's mostly my fault that it has taken this long. I kept changing my mind about costumes the way people change their underwear.
We went through so many ideas. I'm going to list them and you have to try to guess what we chose. After everyone has made their guess I will reveal the answer.
Here are ideas...
First, Bonnie and Clyde

Then we thought about being Britney and Kfed.


After Britney and Kfed we considered being Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese.


We were actually going to go with this until I changed my mind yet again. In came the White Stripes.


Then that quickly faded because I changed my mind and yet another idea for us to choose from - WE COULD be PIRATES. I've never been a pirate before.
After the pirates I thought about a nurse and a doctor.
Cop and the prisoner.
That I had an ah- ha. Let's be characters from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
We could be Riff Raff and Magenta or Eddie and Columbia.
But not Janet and Brad because I don't feel comfortable in public in my underwear.


After all of this I still had another idea. Spencer could be C.C. Deville and I could be his groupie. I could run around screaming "C.C. I love you!" yep, I could chase Spencer all around the place screaming "C.C."

So ladies and gentleman cast your votes in my comments section and after everyone has taken a guess I will reveal our costume selection.
P.S. Mom, don't tell anyone!!!!

I am in a pissy mood. Yes I am. I'm having a not so great day.
I fell asleep on the bus this morning. That upped my status from loser to dweeb in milliseconds.
Then I arrive at my 8am class, thankfully on time. When I get there I find out that it is simply a work period. Had I known it was going to be a work period I would have stayed home and worked on my sleep. So I surfed the net, facebooked, checked email, wrote emails...for three hours!!!
During my lunch period I sit with my clique from last year except we have all changed so much, that I'm not really part of the clique anymore. I guess because I don't hate my boyfriend, I'm not a single girl or the girl with the boyfriend that lives out of town I don't really fit in. Quite honestly I don't want any part of that. But what annoyed me the most out of the whole thing was that they were talking about how they were going to the bar tonight and it was girl's night and I'm sitting there and not once did they invite me. I would have declined anyways but I just think that is one of the most rudest things people can ever do. It is just so inconsiderate and disrespectful.
Moving on. . .I'm over it.
This afternoon was my media planning class where I had to hand in the beast of an assignment, write a quiz and do review for my midterm exam next week.
The problem with the whole thing is this...
It's a group quiz. My group members very seldom show up for class and when they do, they are late. They don't study and they rely on me for all the answers. They think that they know all the answers...seriously, they will cross out my correct answers and then write some made up bullshit. Then when the test comes back and we have failed yet again they are surprised. I really think that all their drinking in rez has killed what little brain cells they had to begin with.
I spoke to the teacher yet again about this because I am tired of doing all the work, studying and research and still failing. I'm not a model student but I would like decent grades at the end of the semester and this isn't helping. Each quiz is worth 3% which is a total of 15% at the end of the year. Let me tell you, four failed quizzes is catching up with me and I don't want to fail this course. If I fail this course, I will be forced to drop out of the program because I will be unable to continue until the following year. The teacher is "considering" what I have to say and she will "review the quizzes."
Thanks, because she hasn't screwed me over enough this year.
Anyways, I am home now, cranky and moody and here for my family's enjoyment. I have already apologized in advance.
So if you are done with my rant, feel free to check out yesterday's post. It's much sweeter.

Dancing with the Stars

Is my new favourite show. I only became addicted to it because Mel B of the Spice Girls is on the show oh and of course Cameron Mathison who plays Ryan on All My Children. I do have my suspicions that Cameron may be on steroids. He is so bulky and huge but he is body type isn't big enough to have that kind of muscle definition.


I watched the results show last night with Special Guest Jenifer Lopez who gave the most lackluster performance of the year. I don't like Jenifer Lopez at all, in fact she gets on my nerves, but at least she's not claiming to still be "Jenny from the block" anymore.I think Britney Spears on the MTV awards did a much better job and come on we were all expecting a craptastic performance from Britney.
J.Lo is known for shaking her booty and being an excellent dancer and she barely moved all night. Horrible singing, it really is amazing what recording engineers can do to one's voice or lack therof.

Mel B is becoming quite the dancer, it makes me wish even more that I was going to the concert in February. During the commentary her partner was so impressed that he was able to meet all the Spice Girls that he had no comment when Mel B asked if she was still his favourite.


The results show also highlighted Marie Osmond passing out after her performance from the night before, all the celeb television shows are talking about. Marie's excuse...sometimes she forgets to breathe. I'm wondering how the hell you forget to breathe but apparently it happens...to Marie at least.



The judges were picking on Jennie Garth last night, how can you pick on someone that cute? Seriously look at her.

They told her performance wasn't very good. It was a good performance but I have seen better. They picked on her last week too. They said that she broke one of the rules by lifting her feet off the floor. I watched that. Her feet were not off the floor, but Jane Seymore - her feet were flying off the floor. Or maybe I'm just saying that because I don't like her. In fact she is not aging well and she is quite scary. Maybe I should be her for Hallowe'en.

Anyways I can't wait to see next week. It's a rock and roll theme and they played Fallout Boy!!

The Run Around

I am very upset today. I have a client that I use for all my major advertising assignments. So far, she has been an excellent client, she has always been helpful and on top of everything.
Well, this month I have a new and very stressful project for media planning. It is worth 50% of my mark and has over ten components. 7 of these 10 components are due on Thursday. I had asked my teacher if I could use research from an assignment last year, for the same client but I would do a check up with the client and make sure all my information is up to date. She said that it was fine especially since I was doing this project on my own.
I had called my client about two to three weeks ago asking if I could use her establishment again and would she be interested in completing a 12 question review sheet to make sure my information on her business was correct. She didn't respond so I waited a few days and called again. She said that she would love to help me out again and that it would not be a problem. Last Tuesday I dropped off the document for her and asked if I could pick it up on Friday, it was only one page, so I didn't think that she would need more time. She said Friday would be okay. Friday I came to her business expecting to pick up my sheet filled out or at least checked out so that I could go ahead with the project. She had forgotten the sheet at home, I asked if she could bring it the following day, which would be Saturday.
Saturday I went to pick up the document and she wasn't there.
Sunday, Spencer went to pick up the document and again no one was there.
Yesterday, I went to see if anyone was there. No one. I left a message apologising that I had missed her on Saturday and when a good time would be to pick up the document.
Finally, this morning, her receptionist phones me and leaves a message.
Apparently, my client had left the document outside on Saturday because she left early and knew that I would be picking it up. The receptionist apologised and said that now the sheet was misplaced. Here is the problem , this assignment is due on Thursday, I have old information and no new information to back up what I am writing in my assignment. I have no time to wait around for her to fill out new information.
I am extremely upset because a portion of my assignment is blowing around downtown somewhere with confidential information on it.
I don't know what to do.
Should I ask for an extension until next week?
Should I just continue with what I have and hope for the best?
Should I try to find a new client?
I think I am going to go talk to the program coordinator and ask his opinion. Ask him if I should start over or continue with what I have. Maybe I should ask for an extension until next week so I can meet with my client and get some of the new information she had previously provided.
I really don't know and I really don't have time for this.

All I can think about recently is my classmate's death. I can't sleep at night,it keeps me awake. When I do sleep, I dream about him, the way I found out, the way he died, the funeral, everything.
I think about how many lives he touched in 19 short years. How many people are mourning him, how many people wish they would've seen him one last time.
My classes are continuing as if nothing has happened at all, no one makes any mention of him. The rest of my classmates have msn names that mention him, wish him peace, are praying for his family. It's been a week since we heard about his death, three of the men involved are in police custody, the people of the area are working towards cleaning the park where he was shot. But next week, there will be another tid bit of news that takes his place and the rest of the population will forget about him. But for now our advertising class is marked by his death we have had three or four drop outs, a girl leave and work on her certificate over four years because of medical difficulties and now one of our classmates is dead. I think our program is going to remain haunted by this tragedy and we are going to be the ones who will be forever affected by this because one of ours was shot and left to die in a park.
The media are twisting our words, sweeping details under the rug and all we the students are supposed to do are forward the media to the college. That's great because the college is handling this so damn well. It was not until Thursday that a letter was written on behalf of the vice president. A week after his death we get a four sentence letter with the vice president's email on it. We get a brochure on grief and then we are left to our own devices.
I cry for his loss, I cry for his family, I cry for his friends and I cry for all the things he will never experience. Some people such as Sylvia Browne believe that when we are born, we are also marked for our deaths. I don't believe that he was destined to only be here for 19 years. That's not even two decades. I think of how many things I have yet to experience, all the things I want to do, I think off all the places I want to go. I have so many dreams and I know that 19 years is not enough time to fulfill them all. I don't believe that he has fulfilled his purpose in life.
I've been watching the leaves blow in the wind,thinking of him and thinking of all the things he is going to miss. Things he will never experience and I think of how lucky I am. And it's in that exact moment, I am completely thankful for my family, for my friends, for all those that care about me. I am thankful for every experience I've ever had and every experience I will ever have.
All we have is this moment.

I have no idea where to start. I've been thinking about how to write this for a few days but I'm just going to write it and if it doesn't make much sense I apologize now.
Last Thursday, my classmate was in a tragic incident. He was shot once in the chest and unfortunately that one small bullet managed to kill him. According to the newspapers and everything else this was a planned murder. The four suspects went there to deliberately kill him. None of us knew...
One classmate found out when a reporter showed up at her dorm. Another received phone calls from various media all night. Eventually she had to unplug her phone.
She phoned me at work. I called Spencer, I called my mom and I cried a little bit.
My classmate wasn't just my classmate he was my partner for my media project this semester. He was the positive influence in my groups class last year. He was the one person you couldn't be upset around because he would find a way to make you feel better. He always found the positives in a bad situation.
Last year, when I was struggling with a few group members he was there, he helped me any way he could.
He was always smiling, he was always happy. He was my age. He was 19. I really struggle with this thought.
I find it so weird that someone I know, someone that is my age is dead.
He was a skating coach, he was a talented musician with two bands, he was a student, he was a friend, he was a brother and most importantly he was someone's son.
Today at the funeral there were so many people that they didn't have enough room to house us all. We were basically sitting in the rafters of the citadel. The majority of the class showed and so did the program coordinator. The college is making a donation in his name to the Salvation Army which is what the family requested.
I don't think the class will ever be the same. I'm afraid that this situation will hinder the class for the rest of the year. I'm afraid of the huge elephant in the room that we are all distracted by but refuse to accept.
But tomorrow is a new day and we will see how it goes.

Goodlife...my ass

Spencer and I went to Goodlife Fitness Club today to inquire about gym memberships.
Well we didn't sign up for many reasons.
First off, we just wanted to know prices but we had to fill out a questionnaire, write down goals and then get a freakin tour of the gym.
We don't want a tour, we don't need any damn goals, we just want a place where we can work out. We don't want a personal trainer, we don't want a "free" seminar with "so and so" about how to use the equipment. We don't want to sign up for couples workout seminars or spinning classes or any other aerobics classes.
I don't want to know how much I weigh or any of that shit. I just want a place where I can use a treadmill.
As we were filling out or stupid questionnaires, the associate who was "helping" us kept calling me Stacey. First of all that's my name. Secondly when I tell you my name and it's written on paper in front of you, can you at least try to spell it right when you write it down? And you want me to sign up for a membership that will cost me $28 biweekly. That's $48 a month plus the one time fee of $59. What the hell is this one time fee of $59 for if you got rid of the card fee and the membership fee. The associate that was trying to help us was so excited when she was done her little presentation. She thought that she had some new members.
Well we left.
She was disappointed.
And we still don't have a gym membership.

Prayers

My baby sister is really sick.
The doctor's appointment didn't go very well today.
My mom will tell you all about it.
Later.
She will be in the hospital for a while.
Most likely over Thanksgiving weekend.
Please pray for her and keep her in your thoughts.
Thanks
xo

I'm sitting here in class, completely confused by a chart that a software program known as INS has created about bottled water and the adult population. Eventually the instructor gave us a ten minute break which thank god we recieved because I think my brain was about to explode from math and such.
Well, my enemy in the program gets up from his chair and begins skipping through the classroom. Any movement he makes, aggravates not because he looks like a complete jack ass but because he thinks that everyone is watching and he must put on a stellar performance. Because you never know when talent agents are going to come bursting through the classroom door to take him away for broadway performances across the globe.
Slowly but surely he makes his way towards me. I know that he hates me and I hate him but to get under my skin he must come and make smart ass comments.
He starts reading over my shoulder, thats not annoying much. He starts browsing the photos I keep in my binder. Then without delay he starts firing off remarks about how the people in my photos look and how he would never be caught dead looking like that, blah blah, blah. At this point I'm not listening I could care less. I just want him to stop buzzing around me.
Then to try and keep the conversation going, he begins talking about the INS charts and how confusing they are. I keep ignoring him, pretending he is not there, hoping that he will go away. Far away.
Disappointed by the fact that I would not engage in useless conversation with him he drifts back to his seat across the room.

Now I sit here wondering where those talent agents are and when they are going to come busting into the college to take him away.

I HATE

College was not supposed to be like this.
There wasn't supposed to be all this high school drama crap.
People were supposed to be kind and friendly.
They weren't supposed to be shallow and self centred.
I hate college.
I hate advertising.
I hate riding the bus.
I hate people,that I don't know or people that I do know and don't like.
I hate Web Techniques, Adobe Illustrator, Quark Xpress etc.
I hate computer labs.
I'm enjoying this ranting.
It's making me feel better.
Thanks.

Sunrise

I was up early enough to see the sunrise this morning. It was gorgeous but then it reminded me that I was up this freakin early for school. Anyways, I thought that I would share a picture of it from my camera phone. This picture was actually sent to me about a month ago when Spencer was working nights. The crew sent him on a coffee run and he managed to grab this picture with a tray full of coffee.

The Filthy Habit

I must rant about this. It has been driving me nuts.
I hate smoking and everything about it.
Everywhere I go on campus there is some asshole with a cigarette in his hand or mouth. They're standing in the bus shelters that are clearly labelled "No Smoking."
I really believe that there is no reason for people my age to be smoking. With everything we know about smoking, with all the help there is in Ontario to help smokers quit there should be no one smoking.
Smoking in Ontario is practically illegal and yet they won't put down the tube full of toxins.
In Ontario, smokers are no longer allowed to smoke indoors of any restaurant or public building.
Smokers are not allowed to smoke in any covered area including bus shelters, restaurant and bar patios.
Last year the government implemented a law which bans parents/guardians from smoking in their vehicles when they are children present.
I am so sick and tired and going outside and walking through clouds of smoke.
I'm sick and tired of inhaling other people's bad habits.
This bad habit does not only affect the smoker themselves but it affects the people around them. Second hand smoke is just as bad as smoking itself.
I'm also tired of smokers claiming that they have rights. Yes they do have rights but when your filthy habit begins to affect the others around you it is no longer a right. Also, smoking is not a right it is a privledge, it is a choice that one makes of their own free will. If you want to smoke in peace, go into your home, all by yourself and smoke away. No one will bother you there, no one can take away your "right."
As a non smoker I can say that smoking is YOUR bad habit and I did not choose to inhale chemicals and toxins into my body.
The next time I am waiting in the bus shelter or any other public place and I kindly ask you to move aside because the smoke is bothering, don't tell me about your rights, just move.
If you refuse to use the resources that the region has provided for you to help quit, if you refuse to abide by the laws, if you refuse to ignore the facts, then you have made your choice. And you have to live it with it. Not me.

looking back on four months

. ....... . .OF SUMMER.
The summer has officially come to an end. Tomorrow I will be back at school. Dreadfully. I'm not looking forward to this at all. I can tell you that much, I hope that if I keep reminding myself that it's only eight more months, I can survive it.
But anyways, in a more positive note. I have had the last four months off, and here's what I did.
- The Kickoff (the month of May) of the summer began with a concert in Toronto at the Kool Haus. We went and saw Finger Eleven on May 11th.
- L's goodbye party at the hotel. Yeah, we threw her a sweet party at the Comfort Inn.
- Jesse's may 24 party. I called in sick to work ALL weekend. Spencer and I did two full trays of jello shooters and then a girl puked on my feet.
- I say goodbye to L. She leaves for Holland. We cry and then I give her my aviators, because she doesn't want anyone to see her crying. We promise to write and call each other but we don't.
- At the end of may, Spencer and I spent four days in beautiful Niagara Falls, we did some stupid tourist stuff, caused some havoc and then left.
JUNE
Working, sleeping, tubing,swimming, a trip to my Grandma's trailer where Spencer spent the evening chasing fireflies. My mom's birthday. My kid sisters are done school for the year, so I no longer have free reign of the house with my mom.
JULY
- July 9th. The White Stripes.
- July 11th. The pot smoking convention also known as a Tool concert in Hamiliton.
- July 24th. The Family Values Tour featuring Korn and Evanescence with some lame bands in between, Skye Sweetnam being crusty and the Criss Angel look a like.
Throw in some tubing, swimming, and G's birthday at the cottage.
AUGUST
- August 10th. Marilyn Manson. Hell of a show, and to Spencer's surprise I knew a few songs.
- August 11th. David Wilcox at the Blues Festival Downtown. Spencer surprised me and knew some David Wilcox tunes. After we went to the boathouse and saw his friend play and tear the roof off.
- August 17th. I quit my crappy job for A&P, in fact I leave in the middle of my shift.
- August 22nd. I start my new job and fall in love with my discount.
- August 28th. Poison rocks the end of summer with my mom, Jethro, Heidi and Spencer.
Oh yeah, don't forget to throw in my sister doing some CRAAAZZY tubing with the guys, G's boat accident and
September
- September 2nd. Spencer and I finally make it to the club for the first time without L. We went with some people from A&P. People I like anyways. And this brings four months of fun to an end.
But thankfully, I'm working on a trip to Dominican Republic or Mexico for May 2008 when I am done school.

In a few short days I will be back at the place most dreaded for eight months of the year.
Am I ready???
Hells no.
Do I have money saved for text books...
um does $60 count when I need $260?
I don't have my bus pass yet and I just started a brand new job and I'm not too sure if there is a hold back on my cheque. I really hope not because I haven't picked up my osap yet and that takes two weeks to process before the money is deposited into my bank account.
So at this point you are probably wondering why I haven't done a damn thing about it. Well, let me explain that I absolutely hate BTS (back to school) because I always feel that I haven't had enough "fun" yet.
Also, what freaked me out the most was on Tuesday(exactly one week until I return to school)I went to Wal Mart where a troll (I mean an employee) jumped in front me and asked me about school supplies. He was inches away from my face and asking me if I needed supplies for BTS. My jaw dropped as I muttered the words "No thanks" and hurried out of the store.
See definately not ready to return and thankfully I have the long weekend ahead of me where I can forget about that place until Tuesday.

Frustrated.

I have been trying to contact my union or head office or anyone that will listen to me about what happened last Friday at work. No one will return my calls, no one will return my emails and time is running out. I have seven days to file a grievance with the union. I have until tomorrow morning to get this sorted out and I'm getting really worried and frustrated because not a single person will listen to what I have to say. Last night after several attempts to contact someone from the union I gave up and I filed a grievance with Labour Standards. Hopefully something turns up and they want to talk to me. I have left three messages for my union rep and I have sent two emails to the union asking them to get back to me. Nothing. At. All.
So I have decided that if no one wants to talk to me about what happened or deal with me I'm going to contact the newspaper. I'm sure the region would love to hear about how A&P treats their employees. I'm sure they would love to know how I needed medical attention and no one wanted to let me leave the store. I will raise hell about this and I'm sure my mom will help me bring them down because she too has had enough of them.
In other news though, my new job is going fantastically well and I'm enjoying it. I get awesome benefits for being their employee and I'm actually allowed to move and walk around and talk to people. I don't have to sit in a corner and shut up. I get a 30 minute lunch for every five hour shift which I really like because I never had that at my old job and the people I work with seem very kind.
So let's see how this goes, I probably won't like it as much in a couple weeks or a month but I think anywhere is better than where I was.

The Crapshack

So today I quit my job. On the spot. It felt soo damn good. Seriously.
I had enough of their crap. I had asked three times to go home because I was having problems with my shoulder again. In fact, I was losing the feeling in my arm and my arm would go weak and numb. My right shoulder and arm had become practically useless. I had been in constant pain. Well, work refused to let me go home. I had asked one of the managers and he told me I was not his problem. So on my break, I phoned my house and asked my mom to help me calm down because I was livid, I was in pain and I was tired of being treated like a second rate citizen by people who abuse the power they are given. I told her I wanted to quit on the spot and she actually said it was okay for me to do this because I had been in this prediciment more than once with office personnel or management. I hung up with her, cleaned out my locker went to the office and told them I was quitting and that I wanted my paycheque. The office person told me I had to speak with management. I refused. I wanted out of the crapshack that has ruined my body, the crapshack that has caused me so many sleepless nights. The crapshack that had screwed me over oh so many times. The crapshack that refuses to pay my boyfriend for his workplace injury, the crapshack that has treated it's employees like second rate citzens.
This was the final straw, the last time I would let them make me feel worthless.
This was not the only incident that had taken place today. I had informed them of a second job and that I may need a leave of absence or to coordinate the two schedules. Well, office personnel took it upon themselves to give away my hours, which they cannot do. So I filed a grievance with the union and now they will have to pay me for the lost wages. So, in the end they lost another employee and now they still have to pay me for a week's work despite the fact that I am no longer employed there. Oh and that injury I described earlier that they wouldn't let me leave for, I went to the clinic and it was a pinched nerve.
I am writing to head office and I have contacted the union regarding this. I will not go down quietly.

The Marilyn Manson Concert

Tomorrow nite, I will be at the Manson/Slayer concert. I am enthused to see the freak turnout but not so enthused to sit through hours of music I don't enjoy. However I have been promised that alcoholic beverages will be purchased for me because I am enduring at least three hours of metal.

I am however excited because I have this bitchin' outfit to wear, I get to see my sister and my boyfriend thrash around and headbang and hey this will be one hell of a freak show!

To Masonize myself and get totally pumped for this concert I have been reading Marilyn Manson's book which I must say is a really excellent book so far. The novel is quite twisted, sick, disturbing and really intriguing. It covers a lot of sexuality so far. I mean a lot, the first chapter has sexuality and I am only half way through the book.

It's a good read but before you make any purchases, read a few pages from each chapter to see if you can bring yourself to read the novel from beginning to end. Seriously they were a few pages where I struggled to read and sometimes it made me feel sick to my stomach.

Anyways, I will try to take some pictures for you and I will let you know how the show went.