The Sad Truth about this semester. . .
The sad truth is that on mondays I am in class from 9 am until 5pm. But the worst part is that I have five hours of lecture with no break in a dark computer lab with no windows. I leave for school and it's dark, I come home from school, it's dark. This truly blows.
My schedule is so horrible that I can only work two days during the week and I can't really take call ins because I am in school until five pm twice a week. Since it takes me an hour to get to work from the house or school, this leaves me no time.
I hate it. I really do. I don't want to be in school. Sure, I like the people, I am kicking some serious butt in the creative areas but I don't love it. I don't think I can see myself doing this after I'm done school.
For some odd reason, despite my fear of the dentist I have always wanted to be a dental hygienest. I am seriously considering this, again. I don't know why I want to work in the health care field but this is calling my name again.
Another career that is calling my name again is teaching. For awhile I wanted to be a primary school teacher. I wanted to do this after some volunteer work in the grade two class. I loved the teacher, she was so creative and so much fun. But after some more volunteer work, I decided this was not the career for me. I have many reasons such as I'm not very good with kids anymore and I think the only reason I really want to do it is because I want to create some wicked crafts with paint and glue.
Writing. This is the one thing I really love but could I spend three years in college studying to become a journalist? No. It's all about writing essays and reading books I have no interest in what so ever. Plus, I couldn't write a decent essay if my life depended upon. I know this for a fact because my grade 12 English teacher tried very hard to fail me. I think it's because her class was full of rich kids I hated or pot heads. I hung out with the pot heads. They were entertaining. rediscovering their fingers or inanimate objects. Not only that they talked about the weirdest things, things I will never understand because I have never been 'high.' The rich kids had their noses so far up the English teacher's ass it was ridiculous. This is where I met L. She's not rich. She's not snobby. She was just the teacher's favorite because she has read most classic novels and knows a little bit about everything. You can guess that I hated her. I hated her with a passion until the next semester when we had literature studies together.
Muchmusic VJ. I know it's lame. But I wanted to be on TV. I wanted to meet celebrities and party with rockstars. I wanted to walk down the red carpet interviewing the rich and the famous. My fear of public speaking and the television broadcasting program at school has prevented me from following this dream.
This idea lead to Radio broadcast. I could talk and entertain people without them actually seeing me. I applied for it. I had a portfolio presentation to go to last March. Guess what? I didn't go. I paniced. There was no way I could do this either.
The same thing happened when I applied to journalism last year. Didn't show up. Freaked out. Left the building. I often ask myself what I was thinking. The people at the college probably think I am this big flake. Especially with my high school attendance record. I was never in trouble, but attendance record is crap. I am surprised I was even able to go to college. If I were in charge of admissions, I would look at my attendance record and laugh. Seriously. One semester there was about 28 absences out of 78 days.
I wanted to go to WLU for my bachelor's in art but I looked at the price tag that came with it. And the fact that it was four years and I would have no job unless I took another program afterwards. Posh, has always wanted me to go to University. I think I have disappointed her because I did not go spend thousands of dollars on an education I could never use. Truth is I could care less because it is my life, my choice and I choose not to spend $15,000 minimum per year.
There was this tiny part of me hoping that I had failed a few classes so that I wouldn't have to go back until next year and then I could do whatever I wanted until next September. The rest of me knew that if I failed I would be so disappointed in myself and that I would regret this for the rest of my life. Then there was this tiny voice that told me "Do you really want to be stuck at a minimum wage job, because you know damn well that your chances of actually going back are...not good."
[Damn, those voices for being right. Always getting in my way.]
I guess, I am destined to finish the next semester and next year. Who knows what I will do? I don't. I don't know what I am supposed to do with my life. Sure, I am only 18 and sure I don't have to make up my mind now but I think it would be nice just to have an idea of what I want to do. I know that I want to love my job, I know that I want to want to go to work every day.
I also know, that I currently have the choice of studying next year in Australia in an exchange program but I would have to make up mind in the next week. Would Australia help me make up my mind? Would Australia give me the answers I am so desperately searching for?
The answers are unsure. The choice is mine. This is the sad truth.
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5 comments:
I guess that the mom really is the last to know. Australia? I dunno, you got home sick at camp after 2 days, and there's no way that we can drive there to get you. Also, Shawn can't cook for you if you are that far away.
Hmmmm....It's a big decision.
"I will never understand because I have never been 'high".
If only I could say that...
It's good that your thinking about this kind of stuff! (Geezer voice) When I was your age KC I never though about any of this kind of shit and look where it got me blah blah blah.
Seriously, I think you should go for it and go to Australia. The experience will help you gain perspective and grow as a person. I think you will wind up really appreciating it and have an amazing time if you go. Plus, I'll still be able to come to your blog and leave ridiculous comments only now I'll be able to talk about Koala bears and kangaroos.
regret tomorrow what you didn't do today. or some'at like that. go to Aus n be a Sheila. It'll be an adventure of a lifetime.
Australia!!!! geez! Ok part of me says GO because I might never, and I could live vicariously through you. The other part of me says I can't deal with you being on the other side of the world.
Know what? It's not actually a sad truth that the choice is yours. Because.... you have a choice. You really do.
And listen kid. Listen to your auntie Heidi. All of this CAN'T and COULDN'T stuff is what's going to bring you down. I for one think you absolutely COULD and CAN be on TV. Or radio. I've thought that for years. You're pretty, funny, clever, quick witted and have a pleasant sounding voice. You could be a dental hygienist too you know. They make decent money. Mine seems to love her job.
It's okay to be scared. Believe me. but also kow that this is not the be all and end all, because you can always take a new direction later on. This year of college will not be wasted. And it'll be a good starting point for that TV Personality Rockstar Interviewer program that you're going to apply for, right?
Sorry about the long comment... I meant to email you but I got distracted. I"ll shut off my Boring Grown Up voice now!!!!
It's ok if you don't have your whole life planned out - you're only 18. Most uni students change their major a couple of times before they find something they like. When I was 14, I was bent on becoming an architect. After I got to college and tried that major out for a year, I knew it just wasn't me. And as your auntie said, just because you do one thing in college doesn't mean you can't do something else later on down the road. Afterall, my job is in no way related to what I studied at school.
Also, being someone who has lived abroad, I say go for it when it comes to going to OZ (oh and yes, I will be jealous because I really want to go there and have yet to make it). :)
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