Friday, December 07, 2012

The Great Disappointment

You'd think with all these voices in my head, I wouldn't be so lonely. My depression is hitting me hard this week. It's been about ten days since I've had my medication. I work my ass off and despite my hard work, I am still left with no money to pay for my prescription medication. Many people think the health care system in Canada rocks but it kind of sucks. I have no health insurance provided through work and I am uninsurable through all private insurance companies. I have applied to Government funded programs and have yet to receive a response. I have even seeked the help of a financial advisor to see if I was misusing funds or spending irresponsibly. Nope, turns out that I am just poor. I get frustrated because there are many people who have welfare or other forms of support through the Government and do not need it or use it appropriately. I actually need some assistance and can not get it. It's irritating. I am not supposed to go off my medication unsupervised or stop taking it altogether. It has dangerous side effects, some are lethal and yet I take this chance fairly regularly. My parents help me when they can but I feel like a burden to them. I am almost 25 years old and can't afford the necessessities I need to survive. I feel like an utter failure. I feel embarrassed to ask them for help. My mom offered to help me tonight but I declined because she has her own things to worry about and I don't want to be one of those things. I feel like I should have my life together and I don't. I have absolutely nothing figured out.