Scrambled

I haven't blogged in a couple days because my mind is just absolutely scrambled. I was able to rewrite my capstone. My teacher was kind enough to take all my hard work and scribble and cross out anything that she didn't like or that I had done wrong. So the very day that I failed my capstone, I sat in the computer lab for a very uncomfortable seven hours. Those cheap plastic computer chairs are a special kind of torture let me tell you. I finally finished it by 5pm and handed it in, never wanting to look at it again.
Friday was my Advertising gala. The pictures are posted on my mom's blog, you just have to scroll through two posts to get to them if you haven't already seen them. The gala was okay but everyone started leaving early probably because the DJ sucked some serious ass and I picked him so props to me ...not. The food was fantastic though and that's all that really matters. There was a huge roast beef buffet followed by the biggest and tastiest dessert buffet I had ever seen in my life. Unfortunately I didn't get any pictures.
Saturday I went to the bar with Spencer and his work peeps. Spencer had a job interview at the bar... so now he has two jobs and I have none. I started getting a little too drunk so we went downstairs and enjoyed some nachos but really I wasn't having that great of a time so we decided to leave early.
I really need to start looking for a job, I have perused job websites and I have read all the job postings at the hospital since I've been there quite a bit the last two days. I applied for a copywriting job at the local newspaper only to have no luck. I have discovered on my mediocre job hunt that most places that hire advertising people are out of town and want you to have your own laptop. Well, let's think...I don't drive or even have a car. I don't have my own laptop so I will probably end up working some crappy job just to save up enough mula to get those really expensive things that I need to work in my field.
I have no idea what I am going to do or what I want to do which is why my mind is absolutely scrambled. Completely and utterly scrambled into a giant mess of everything. The Advertising program coordinator wants me to go Toronto for the Copywriting program. I'm thinking no thanks, I find Toronto a little too overwhelming after a couple of days so I think two years there won't do me any good.
Does anyone have any ideas as to what I should do? I could use a little help.

I am so nervous. I could throw up.
Dear God, please don't let me fail.

I'm at the college today, stressed out all to hell about my capstone project. (A huge pain in the ass project that encompasses everything I have learned in the last two years.) I'm almost done, all I have to do is print off my creative components in colour, bind the project all five copies and then complete my PowerPoint presentation. Not that much, really.
However, a girl who has a worse attendance record then mine, comes to the lab prints off a document that won't fit on a 8.5 X 11 sheet of paper, then leaves. (Rumour is that she failed the program...do I care? Not really, I just want the damn printer to work. I know I'm being a bitch but I have to take care of my own work.)Well the document she was trying to print off jams the printer. Normally we would go get the program coordinator and ask him to fix it. But because it is the last week of school, he is watching capstone presentations. So for the last three hours I have been triple checking all my work.
Finally another student has gone to interrupt presentations so that the rest of us can finish our work hopefully, but I'm really unimpressed.

Funerals - they are so bizarre

Today was the funeral for Shawn's sister Mary. It was very overwhelming and stressful because I often get the impression that Shawn's sisters don't like us very much. And to be in a crowded room where you feel unwelcome makes a funeral all that much more difficult. Although I did like Mary's husband Mike and her sons Chris and Justin, they are quite possibly the sweetest, kindest, most caring people I have ever met. I think that it is so unfair for them to loose someone who was so kind and caring. She was loved by many people and the outpour of support from family and friends was amazing. I feel bad that I only had the opportunity to meet her maybe once or twice and now she is gone. The last two days have felt completely surreal, I'm still waiting to wake up. One of her relatives said, that the words "she's gone" will be the hardest to say because it's the truth and if we don't say them, then it's like it never happened.
The last two days have really got me thinking though, funerals are the weirdest form of comfort a human being can seek.
We take a loved one who has passed away, clean them, dress them, put make up on them and then put them on display for everyone to come look at before putting them in the ground forever. We send flowers, cards and share memories in between the tears. We do all of this to comfort ourselves, to gain peace and understanding.
The last two days have forced me to look at Shawn's family from a different perspective and realize that maybe things can change and the feelings of awkwardness and anxiety will slowly dissipate.

Happy Birthday Spencer!!!
Happy Birthday Andrew!
I'm posting a RHCP song on my video bar for my friend Andrew who passed away this past October. We both shared a love for the RHCP and every day he would come in and sing me a line from a different RHCP song so this is for him. The first song he sang to me was Aeroplane, so it's over on the video bar. Check it out.
I will let you know my good news and a report on Spencer's birthday sometime soon!
Enjoy the weekend.