I cry

Actually, I am a little too medicated to cry. I wish I could though, I feel like it needs to be done. Might relieve some of the stress I'm feeling, but when I try nothing happens. It's probably for the best anyways. I think if I started, I wouldn't be able to stop. I am at a crossroads right now. I would like to move out and move in with a friend. My parents feel that I am not ready for that and I am highly unprepared. Maybe I am, but I don't know until I try and I really want to try. I'm 25 years old and still ruled by my rents in a lot of ways. It's extrememly discouraging when they make you feel as though you are going to fail or they are expecting you to fail. I am discouraged that the think so little of me. As my friend and future roommate puts it "parents are always ready to talk smack about you." Well said roomie, well said. At the end of the day, they can't stop me but I would like to be able to leave home on good terms. I am very close with my parents and I don't want to ruin any relationships. I'm just becoming more and more afraid of leaving home and I feel like they are getting exactly what they want, which is for me to stay right here. I have made mistakes in the past. Big ones, in terms of finances but until I try again, nothing is ever going to change. Everyone makes mistakes, I know someone who is screwing up their entire life right now and if they can make a go of it, why can't I? Maybe this whole thing sounds immature and maybe I am stomping my feet a little bit about not getting my own way. I just want to have some of the experiences I feel that I missed out on, a few years ago. If you've ever read my blog, then you know about the disastorous break up of 2010. I feel that because I was in such a serious relationship at such a young age, I missed out on things. He was a year younger than me, which sometimes made things hard, like going to the bar or 19+ parties with my friends. I missed some of the college experience because of my depression. There is just so much I want to do while I can, while I am single and not tied down to anyone in any way. Is that really too much to ask? I want to be with my friends, I want to throw a drunken Twister game party, eat KD for weeks on end. I want to be able to say, "yes I've done it all" and have accomplished all that I want to do. So for now, "When I need a healing I just look up to the ceiling I see the sun coming down I know it's all better now" - Flo Rida