Maggie

This little grey, blue eyed beauty is my mom's beautiful cat named Maggie. I find her somewhat annoying and irritating. Somewhat of a savage as she will eat the tomatoes off your pizza but she's a member of this family and as so, I love her. However, I discontinued my subscription to Pyschopaths Weekly. Had I continued my subrscription, I would have forseen tonight's tragic events. Our family has a neighbor that we do not particularly like but that being said, we keep our distance and mind our business. This woman has made it her life's mission to make our lives as miserable as possible. She calls by-law every chance she gets. Did you know you can't have weeds over 8 inches or there is a fine? She calls the police and files noise complaints if we watch a movie too loudly. We never, not once have ever complained about her. She drinks and parties in her backyard year round. Her drunken friends, lean over the fence and throw up in to our yard, she listens to the worst country music of all time. Yet, we have never said a word about her obnoxious behavior. However, tonight's actions have crossed a line. She poisoned our gorgeous little Maggie. She may get on my nerves but she is friendly and loving. You pick her up and she wraps her two front paws around your neck and actually hugs you! She's cuddly and sweet, sure she drools like a dog but that's all part of the Maggie charm. She was raised with our dogs, so naturally she would think she is a dog. So since it is so late at night, we sit here with our precious little girl and wait for her to pass. We've done the research and there is no way to save her from the poisoning. We have to wait it out or at least until morning when we can get her to a vet. We've been keeping her company and keeping her comfortable but it's awful to know there is nothing further we can do. It's horrible to watch her wither away and know the person who is responsible for this and we have no way to prove it. We complete an autopsy on a cat. Although, I love my cat, I can't afford an autopsy. What kind of a psychopath deliberately kills an animal? How twisted and demented do you have to be to harm an animal? A tiny, little cat? It's sickening and heartbreaking. I wish there was something I could do for my mom's adorable little cat but I can't. It's just terrible. I keep hoping Maggie will recover but it is highly unlikely. Keep you posted. PS, I hope this makes some sort of sense, I am completely exhausted from work. But I think you understand what's happening to my family.

The Good Girls Always Want the Bad Boys

I was drawn to you, I knew you would burn me. But the hot, bright, mesmerizing and all consuming flames drew me closer to you. I slowly stretched my hand out to touch the fire and my finger tips were burned. I wanted to pull back, but I moved further, closer to the flame until I was completely engulfed in the flames of infatuation. My face a glowing red while my heart was a flutter with the embers, sparks that flew off the flames and kept me enthralled in your words. The exact words I wanted to hear, I needed to hear and while a part of me knew it was all a lie, I needed to believe you. I needed to, for that one tiny moment, until I realized I wasn't mesmerized by the burning flame. But instead I was seated in the middle of a fiery hell, filled with lies and half truths. While my heart melted from the heat, you stood and watched. Never denying your betrayal and with nothiing to say, you turned and walked away. Leaving me standing in the ashes of what I thought we had, because in the end, the good girls always want the bad boys.

One Wish

I don't think I have ever blogged about my mental health before but it's been crushing me lately. My depression and my anxiety are slowly swallowing me whole in a sea of stress and emotional agony. I am drowning and sometimes, it seems like no one notices. No life jacket, just struggling to survive and make it through another day. The last few months have been full of stupid decisions in regards to my medication and treatment. I don't want to take my medication for a number of reasons. The first reason being, I was feeling better therefore, I don't need them anymore. The second being that they are way too expensive and I never have the money for them. Insurance companies won't touch me because of the depression and anxiety but the good news is Blue Cross says I can reapply in five years. That's oh so helpful right now. The third reason for not taking my meds is it will stop some vicious attacks from former "friends." For some reason, I seem to think that by not taking them, it will make me less "crazy." For the record, I am not crazy and crazy is not a bad word. We have made so many advancements in society, yet someone mumbles the words "mental health" and people fear those of us who are struggling. We can't talk about mental health openly and freely despite how far we've come. People fear us, they want to lock us away because we might do something abnormal, well what is normal? What is the definition of normal in today's world? Everyone has their own idea of normal, there is no cookie cutter mold to tell us what's normal. I can't mention any of this to anyone outside of my family because I fear the men in the white coats will come and get me. So I slap a smile on my face and dredge through each miserable day. I'm getting really good at pretending I am not in emotional and mental pain. I should have an Oscar by now. If I could have one wish, it would be that I never inherited this family trait. It's on both sides, so it was bound to get me but I am tired of the constant struggle. I am tired of feeling this way. I am tired of feeling sick. I am tired of crying and I am tired of sleeping all the time. I hate being flaky and unreliable because I don't know where my mind is from one day to the next. It makes keeping a full time job hard, it's difficult to keep plans with friends because my anxiety might pop up and prevent me from doing what I want. They say panic attacks can only last a total of 25 minutes, well when you're having a panic attack, 25 minutes is a REALLY long time. My doctor told me today that 7 out of 10 Canadians are currently on medication for depression and anxiety and we can't talk about that? That is "abnormal." I can't really tell my boss why I missed a day of work because I fear the repercussions. Nobody wants a flaky, emotionally unstable person on their team. So another little white lie and a doctor's note will have to suffice until my mind heals and I don't feel so fractured.

BTVS, Full of Grace

"It's just that we've stayed too long in the same old sickly skin, I'm pulled down by the undertoe, I never thought I could feel so low. Oh, darkness, I feel like letting go. I know I can love you much better than this - Full of Grace" Season Two season finale "Becoming Part II" of Buffy the Vampire Slayer Song by Sarah McLachlan "Full of Grace" One of my all time favorite songs and since I will be going to meet James Marsters next weekend, I thought some Buffy music would be a good way to kick off the countdown to FanExpo. Can't wait to meet James Marsters and Juliet Landau. I may be a screaming, crying over dramatic girl mess. I hate those chicks, so I'll do my best to behave.

Let me just say this...Either I'm your first choice or not at all. I don't play second to anyone. Especially a demented dirt squirrel. And let me take a moment to remind you I'm the best damn thing you never had. When shit hits the fan with that bitch you traded me in for, don't come round here.

FanExpo - Here I come

I am so excited about FanExpo this year, I litterally can not sleep. I am so excited to see the Boondock Saints. Norman F*cking Reedus!!! AMC's Walking Dead and Boondock Saints. Willem Defoe! Did I mention Boondock Saints??? James Marsters! I will meet Spike this year. No crying for me this year. I am actually going to go in costume this year. I am going to dress as a zombie apocalypse survivor to have my picture taken with Norman Reedus. I have my "Zombie Killing Shirt" and my Iron Fist Zombie Stomper Flats. I am going to get some toy guns and knives, need to be prepared for that sh*t. So many great guests this year, that nine days seem so far away. Stan Lee, the creator of Spiderman??? I love Spiderman. Juliet Landau of Buffy fame. I could die. John Carpenter? He has been scaring me since I was a kid. Jenifer Carpenter from Dexter? I just got into Dexter. Oh man, I am going to be in nerd heaven. Come on FanExpo, you seem so far away.

When Did I Get Old?

I'm turning 25 in March which seems so far away at this point but when I really think about it, I panic. When did I get so old? I was thinking about when I was underage and drinking was so much more fun. All the sneaking around and pilfering alcohol from my parents or my friend's parents. My liver was so young and could handle the late nights of binge drinking. No hangovers, no throwing up, no spinning bedrooms or the phrase "I'm never drinking again." We all use that one but we never stop. Now, I get exhausted before 3am and want my bed. My liver hurts in the morning, I have a huge headache and I get what I like to call the "flu." House parties were such fun and nobody cared about what you wore. Or where you passed out. It was one of the few great memories of my teens. I know that 25 isn't old at all but I'm beginning to wonder what I've done with my life so far. I'm also wondering why the hell nobody wants to go to Vegas with me for my birthday. If I'm going to start getting old then I better start it with a BANG!

School House Rock is right, knowledge is power.

I absolutely love when people call me fat. It really shows how much they needed that post secondary education. It's not even an insult as much as it is a reflection as to how limited that person's vocabulary is, and why they should have stayed in school. But follow your "dreams" and remember this five years from now when you've peaked.

I stand by my original decision that boys suck and they should have rocks thrown at them. I am beginning to believe that there is no such thing as a real man, just a little boy pretending to be one. Now where is the nearest convent?

Where is the respect?

I hate when people use the excuse "too busy to text you" or just ignore you completely. It takes less than 30 seconds to reply to a text message and if you are too busy then why did it take you "x" amount of days to reply? Common courtesy has left the building people. If you're ignoring someone because they said or did something to offend or upset you shouldn't you tell them? Last time I checked mind readers were few and far between. People seem to have no manners or respect for one another anymore. I hate being ignored, I hate being lied to and I hate being played. Most of all I hate being used. In case people forgot, we put on brave faces out in the world to pretend we are not hurt but the moment you leave us alone, it all comes pouring out. We are human beings, we have feelings and emotions. We can't toss those things aside, as much as we'd like to, as much as we wouldn't like to feel anything. There is no cure for bruised egos except time and for someone like me who has little to no patience, it could take a while. We all need to be honest with each other, it's the right thing to do, even if it may sting a little, honesty is always the best policy. So,isn't it time we all nut up and start treating each other with respect? Remember the manners and values our parents worked so hard to instill in to each one of us as children? Let's try to use those.