Jesus is the reason for the season and I can't find Jesus.

I have been going crazy looking for my nativity set. My nephew has just turned 3 years old and I want to teach him about Christmas. It's not just about presents and Santa, although that is pretty awesome. I was the first grandchild on my mother's side. It meant I was spoiled by my grandparents, particularly by my grandpa. As I got older, and there were more grandchildren it was my duty to read the story of Christmas every year. I would read and the younger kids would set the nativity scene. As a preteen, I despised it. I felt as though everyone was looking at me and judging me. By the time I was 15,16,17 - I loved it. I loved the attention and it was a special tradition. One that I could actively participate in during the holidays. My grandpa passed away when I was 11. We all knew this would put a strain on the family and tensions would rise, causing rifts in our family. He was the glue that held everyone and everything in place. By the time I was 17, things had quickly unravelled. We were no longer a part of the extended family. By "we" I mean my mom, sisters and (step)dad. We were told we were no longer members of the Steeves family. It's ironic because my mother is the only biological Steeves family member. The siblings were all adopted when my grandfather remarried. I was heartbroken. My world was torn to shreds. We no longer had family traditions. I no longer had any aunts or uncles. No baby cousins to share the story of Christmas with, not until my sisters and I were old enough to have children of our own anyway. As with all things, time healed the wounds. I forgave them for their betrayals but I could not let anyone of them back in to my life. The damage was done and the trust was gone. Sometimes, it is better to let go and move on. It's what I did. Now if I saw one of them unexpectedly, I can guarantee a panic attack because a flood of emotions does come back. Suddenly, you notice that despite moving on, some wounds are still raw and tender. With the Christmas season upon us, I want to reinstate the tradition of reading the story and having the nativity scene put together as I read. When my nephew was first born, I purchased the Little People Nativity set. I can't find it anywhere. I am going crazy looking for it. He has just turned 3 (as of sunday) and I think he would understand some of it, or we could at least play with the nativity set. I'm not quite sure what bothers me more, the fact that I can't find it or I am realizing how much I have missed this tradition. It's also another realization that a lot of people have walked out of my life. It sucks. Seriously. People who are supposed to be your family, just leave. They walk away like you never meant anything to them at all in the first place. I can't imagine doing that to my family. No matter what the circumstance and believe me with two younger sisters, it can get ugly. But I love them. I have to give my mom a ton of credit for being a strong woman and helping us kids through the abandonment. She has always stuck by us and we have caused some serious headaches to say the least. My (step)dad also deserves some love for all the trouble we caused. I had a ton of issues with abandonment and it took a long time for me to trust him. He stayed. He stuck by me. So as I write this I wonder to myself am I bothered by missing this tradition and my inability to find baby Jesus. I would love to reach my nephew the story of Christmas and my grandpa's favorite carol - Silent Night. Or am I bothered still by the abandonment of my extended "family" The holidays always seem to bring forth a slew of emotions and it's difficult to make peace with them. I think I am bothered by not being able to find baby Jesus but maybe I am in denial. It's just another late night mystery running through my mind. I hope my prayers to St. Anthony, the patron saint of lost things doesn't go unanswered. This is one tradition, I would like to bring back even if it is on a much smaller scale with a one person participant.