Grandma

I've never been afraid to close my eyes and go to sleep before, that is before tonight. I spent the day with my Dad and his family burying his mother, my Oma only to return home and find out my other grandma has been in a car accident. Her car was hit from the side and she became trapped in the car. Firefighters had to cut their way in to the vehicle to get her out. She's in unstable condition and the doctors are giving her a 50/50 chance. She has two broken vertabrae in her neck, a broken leg and head trauma. The accident has caused blood to pool around her brain placing pressure on her skull but not her brain. That is the good news if you can consider that "good news." We aren't allowed in to see her at this time and she will be going in to surgery in the morning to repair her broken leg. Her leg was broken in two places and it was not a clean break between the tibia and fibia. She's already had surgery on this leg and now she's having another one. All I can do is sit by my phone and wait. I am convinced that if I stare at my phone long enough and hard enough it will ring with some good news. Some miraculous recovery. I've been doing that for three hours, it has not rung once but I did get an email from Ticketmaster, apparently Maroon 5 is coming to my area. I need a miracle. I need my Grandma. I can't lose both my grandmothers in the same week. I think it would break my brain - if that's possible. I spent almost every moment of spare time with my grandma this week and thankfully I called her to tell her I love her a few days ago. My eyelids are heavy from stress and high emotions from the day. I have cried large heaving sobs for both my grandmothers and I am exhausted but I just can't close my eyes. I fear I may miss an important phone call or text message updating me on her condition. If I did miss it, I would never forgive myself. Ever. I know my grandma is strong but she's been through so much in her life time and what if she's tired of fighting? She's fought for her life before, what if this time it's too much for her? These are some of my fears but I am placing my trust in God and believing that she is strong enough to get through this. It's not her time to go yet, we all know this but we can't hide from the truth or the harsh reality of the world. I don't care what you believe in, who you believe in but please send positive thoughts or prayers out there. Our family could really use them.