My family and GG

I lay here wide awake at almost 6am and it has just occurred to me that this Christmas we will not be receiving a card from GG. GG is my great grandmother who passed away earlier this year in July. She had a long and beautiful life. Many grandchildren and great grandchildren. She was even a great, great grandma. Not many people can say that. I never thought her passing would affect me.the way that it has, she lived 3-4 hours away. I never saw her very often but I knew she loved us. She wrote letters and sent cards to my mom. I would check the mailbox time and again, and every so often there would be something from her. A letter for my mom, with a pamphlet called Our Daily Bread. A small booklet with scripture and lessons on applying them to life. At Christmas she always sent a lovely card. Enclosed would be $10 and a note that instructed my mom to buy something for the girls meaning my sisters and I. I always wondered how we would split $10 three ways. Usually ended with ice cream. That's how you split the $10. This year, that won't happen. It's not the $10 or "lovely" card but the routine of checking the mail and seeing the card, with GG's elegant handwriting on the envelope. She is gone. So are the letters. When she passed away, it left a gaping hole in my heart. My mother's side of the family is slowly but surely fading. I felt that one of the biggest and most important connections to my deceased grandfather (her son),was gone. I never took advantage of asking her about the past, family history, my grandpa or what my mom was like as a kid, although I have a pretty good idea. I have two grandmas left. All my grandfathers are deceased. After GG, left us I did learn a few new things about my family. Some of them were supposed to be secrets. I met cousins and relatives, I never knew I had. It was a blessing in many ways. But nothing filled the hole in my heart. It is slowly healing and the hole gets a little smaller every day. I never knew how much I loved my GG until she was gone. I wish I had known her better. I can't undo the past but I can take full advantage of the present. I continue to learn more and my mom is hunting for cousins or other relatives. It brought a lot of us closer together. That's a wonderful thing but it happened during such a sad time in our lives. I miss her, much more than I thought I would. Death is a part of life. You can't avoid it, ignore it or deny its existence. With all this time away from work, I have had time, maybe too much time to think about life and how quickly it can pass you by. I know GG wouldn't want any of us to squander our time but rather to live, find happiness, joy and peace in our lives. She may be gone with her letters and cards but her memory lives on in each and every one of us who had the pleasure of knowing her. That is better than any card, letter or $10 bill in an envelope.