The Hidden Violence

When people say domestic violence, your brain automatically assumes physical violence. No one thinks about verbal abuse, let alone talks about it. It just slides by and is forgotten because the physical damage is so much worse. A moment in time can trigger the memory of verbal abuse. It's at that moment where you freeze, your body tenses up and you are smacked with flashbacks that you wish were nightmares. Unfortunately, you know better and it wasn't some horrible dream but rather your life. Everyone has experienced verbal abuse at one time or another. All it takes is for someone to cuss at you, call you a name or talk down to you. Anything that makes you feel horrible about yourself is verbal abuse. It's swept under the rug with a blanket apology until the next pile of verbal vomit comes your way. Then another apology. How many apologies do you need to realize that an apology doesn't mean anything unless the other person is willing to change that behavior and stop. You can have a million "I'm sorry's" or gifts or some sort of bribe but it is all meaningless if it continues. There is no need for verbal violence or abuse. It is toxic to everyone involved. The victim feels awful and the person responsible may not feel remorse and the hate will spread through them like a disease. The person responsible may even feel a sense of accomplishment for hurting the victim. It may be the exact response they were hoping for and it was achieved. People who have experienced verbal violence also need to rember this is not their fault. You cannot heal someone else's inner turmoil until they want to change. Something is wrong with the abuser to spread hatred like that. It doesn't matter what it is, it is still not your fault. Verbal abuse turns to mental abuse. Later, that becomes mental illness and a slew of pills won't take away the pain. Doctors, counselors, psychiatrists all try to work with you and help you. Does it really work? Does it make anything better? Sure, there is a temporary reprieve and for a short time you will feel better. I hate it when people tell me things like time heals all wounds or what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. No it doesn't. Don't say that. If you can't think of anything then don't say anything at all. The victim will eventually seek treatment but no one really helps the other person involved. If you think about it, they may have a mental illness or problem that caused them to act in such a manner. They will find someone else to beat down emotionally and the vicious cycle of verbal abuse will continue. Personally, I am tired of apologies that are empty promises. I refuse to be the receipent of loose lips and hateful language. I have no time in my life for negative people or their strong tempers. I will not be a punching bag for someone else's problem and neither should anyone else.