Love me to Death

I'm halfway to reaching one of my goals...I went to school every day this week. Yay me! That's the good news.
This is the bad unrealted to advertising and my studies.
My evil stepsister is at the same college as me and it gets under my skin like you would not believe. She got everything from him that I never had. Why does she need to come to the same school as me. I know that she has the right to an education but she has never worked hard at school. In fact, she spent more time in detention then she did in actual classes. She skipped class,she was constantly arguing with teachers and peers. I have never seen her do homework. I've seen her throw homework out. Honestly, I never thought she would make it out of highschool. Not being mean but she is one of the dumbest people I have ever wasted time with.
I never wanted a relationship with my father because I learned at a very young age that his love was impossible to attain, not because he was closed off but because he doesn't know how to love. He doesn't know how to have a healthy relationship with anyone. I knew that being "Daddy's Little Girl" would never happen but I wished for it, I prayed for it. It never came.
I have buried everything from my past with him. Any memories I ever had were buried away. I had actually imagined his funeral in my mind. I had laid him to rest and had no regrets about never having a relationship with him. In my mind he was dead and I hadn't thought about him for almost over a year now until this.
I've bumped into her a couple times at the college but she didn't recognize me until today that is. She called my name and I ran the other way. I know that hiding isn't going to make it go away but it will prevent a confrontation.
I know that he has never loved my evil stepsister(s), in fact he has told me on a few occasions how much he hates them and his new wife, but he won't leave because without her he has no money. No money means that he has no more motorcycle and carpentry shop or any of the other luxuries he has had the pleasure of enjoying for the last 15 years. He used to tell me how sorry he was that he didn't have a relationship with my sister and I and that he loved me. It didn't mean anything to me and it still doesn't. Spending time with him in his home was hell on earth.
I always thought that if he really did love me, that he would help me out with some of the things that my mother sometimes struggled to provide.
In my lifetime (almost 20 years now) he never bought me school supplies, he never bought uniforms for highschool. He never helped with dentist appointments, doctor appointments. Nothing. When my sister and I were taking dance lessons that my mom and Shawn were paying for, he wouldn't drive us when we couldn't get there. He wouldn't help me with costs to play hockey...nothing. Any time I invited him to anything important in my life he made a point of not showing up, then later complaining that he was never invited to anything.
I know that money doesn't replace a relationship but it would have at least shown that he did care about me. This is more about him, that it is about my stepsister but seeing her around campus, on my turf just brings the past back to the surface.It's a constant reminder of the things that I had made peace with, that I had removed from my life.
The education that I had to work for, the education that has put me into debt about $10,000, she is getting for free. My "Dad" is buying it for her along with her mother and grandmother.
The worst part is that now that she has confirmation that I am at the college means that "Daddio" should be making his yearly appearance soon. Just in time for my birthday folks. How did he know that is exactly what I wanted? Confrontation with the man that I despise.
He provided for her and her sister, not his own children. The ones that he abandoned over 15 years ago. I think the part that hurts the most is that my younger sister actually wants a relationship with him and the evil stepsisters. She's even facebook friends with the evil stepsister but any time I mention it, it causes an arguement between her and I. I have lost enough "family" as it is and I can't really afford to lose more. I hope and pray that one day my sister will realise what I learned so many years ago.
I'm not going to let her stop me from finishing my education. I have struggled enough this year and I am working hard to accomplish my goals.I have overcome many obstacles and she is not going to be another one. I just wish that I didn't have to see her and I really hope that she doesn't have the moxy to talk to me because I don't know that I can cope with that. i don't want another speech on how much my "Dad" loves me and misses me because honestly, he will "love" me to death if I have to deal with his shit.
Sometimes it would just be easier if the past stayed right where it should - in the past.