I stand by my original decision that boys suck and they should have rocks thrown at them. I am beginning to believe that there is no such thing as a real man, just a little boy pretending to be one. Now where is the nearest convent?

Where is the respect?

I hate when people use the excuse "too busy to text you" or just ignore you completely. It takes less than 30 seconds to reply to a text message and if you are too busy then why did it take you "x" amount of days to reply? Common courtesy has left the building people. If you're ignoring someone because they said or did something to offend or upset you shouldn't you tell them? Last time I checked mind readers were few and far between. People seem to have no manners or respect for one another anymore. I hate being ignored, I hate being lied to and I hate being played. Most of all I hate being used. In case people forgot, we put on brave faces out in the world to pretend we are not hurt but the moment you leave us alone, it all comes pouring out. We are human beings, we have feelings and emotions. We can't toss those things aside, as much as we'd like to, as much as we wouldn't like to feel anything. There is no cure for bruised egos except time and for someone like me who has little to no patience, it could take a while. We all need to be honest with each other, it's the right thing to do, even if it may sting a little, honesty is always the best policy. So,isn't it time we all nut up and start treating each other with respect? Remember the manners and values our parents worked so hard to instill in to each one of us as children? Let's try to use those.

How can I feel this depressed when I'm on vacation after receiving a raise and promotion from work??? Oh wait, my "best" friend stabbed me in the back and the guy I was spending time with is now ignoring me. That's how. I've never felt so low or pathetic in my entire life.

The Soap Opera of my 20's

I always thought my 20's would be better than my teens. In some ways, yes my twenties are much better but in other ways it feels like I never left high school. When I was in high school, I got in and out of there as fast as I could. I hated it. I was looking forward to being done with school, homework and most importantly the daily drama that keeps you feeling like you are in a never ending soap opera, except Susan Lucci is never around in inappropriate clothes for a woman her age.
In high school we always had to plan our futures and complete projects on "where do you think you'll be in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years?" I can tell you I am no where close to where I thought I would be in my life. That's okay, I have accepted that, I made some stupid choices but I am told that's what your early 20's are for, bad choices. I have accomplished that, oh and I beat teen pregnancy. That's a win right there.
My life is great in a lot of ways, I have a career, I am done school, my family is very supportive and they love me but my friends seems to be the root of some of my troubles. My best "friend" has taken to bullying me. Yes, you can still be bullied in your early to mid twenties. Sad, isn't it? She destroyed a budding relationship between an awesome guy and myself simply because she could. A real man doesn't wander away but the pure fact that she had to lie and manipulate and scheme her way in to things is so hurtful. People do horrible things simply because they can. She is no longer my friend, well I don't think she ever really was my friend if she could do these types of things. I am not completely innocent, it takes two people to fight but I never said or did any of the things she did. I don't think I ever could.
I don't want my life to be an over dramatic romantic movie. I want things plain and simple. I don't want or need the daily soap opera, especially if there is no one famous around to play a great role along side me.
I won't let her ruin my summer, or allow her to hurt me anymore, but it doesn't mean the sting of betrayal has vanished. I wish it would because it's too much energy to be hurt and angry with somebody over dumb things but my mind and especially my heart won't let me. My mind always tells me the right thing to do but I always end up following my heart even in to situations I know have the potential to be emotionally dangerous.
I am a naive day dreamer in a lot of respects and I often wish my lovely day dreams were reality but life doesn't work that way. It's messy and complicated and confusing. In high school no one ever says "by the way things are better than being an over emotional teenager but life still sucks and here's why..." No one ever says that, not even in Career Studies courses. No one ever tells you that in your early 20's you go through a time of depression where you don't understand why you are here or what your purpose is or yes things will get better if you can survive the brutal depression phase. Like I said, my 20's are better than my teen years bur couldn't they be amazing instead? Drama free? No over played soap opera story line?
I'm just asking for a simple kind of life, is that too much to ask?

Weirdest Analogy Ever

Weirdest analogy I have ever heard was given to me by my best friend. She told me that single girls are like cake. Delicious on their own but add some ice cream or a guy and it's an even better dessert. My response to that...What if I'm an ice cream cake? I think I'm pretty damn good on my own and I don't need a guy. Besides what's better than ice cream cake?

Why Yes, I am a Sex God

Out of all my friends, I have the least amount sex, this is a known fact and I'm not ashamed of it either. It's not about the quantity, more about the quality. Keep that in mind. However, that being said, why do they all come to me with their sexual snafus. Ladies, pick up an issue of Cosmo, browse the net, go to the library, anything but me. I don't need ALL the details, some are okay but not all of them. If you don't like it rough, tell him, if you don't like hickies tell him. They aren't mind readers. It's not just the ladies but the men coming to me as well with their questions. Did I miss my calling as a sex education teacher? Why me? Why do I actually answer their questions or research the answers, well my curiousity gets the better of me. Sometimes it's interesting or disgusting or just plain confusing but at least I am knowledgeable.
Why do I need to research anal bleaching? Why did I actually do it, well it piqued my interest to be honest and as suspected I found it gross. Why do I get asked what the best condoms are? I get all sorts of these questions. I don't effing know and I would think that everyone has their own preference. So,the only conclusion I can come to is that I am a Sex God and these people worship me. It's the only logical explanation. I am indeed a SEX GOD.

Daddy's Little Girl

A while ago my dad and I had a fight. He said some pretty terrible things about me that really hurt my feelings. A few days later he apologized and said he didn't mean them. It was a heart felt apology and he was truly sorry so I forgave him.
Truth is, I don't think I was ready to really forgive him because I can't let it go.
It has put a strain on our relationship and sometimes being around him still hurts. I can't say anything because I forgave him, I accepted the apology and it would be wrong to throw it back in his face or rehash something I had supposedly forgiven.
I am having difficulty coping with what was said, as I have always wanted to be Daddy's Little Girl and now that has been taken away from me. I don't want to cause another fight and I certainly don't want to hurt his feelings but I don't know what to do or how to let go of what happened. If I wasn't ready to forgive I should have been honest but I just didn't want the hostility between us to drag out and create friction within the family dynamic. In this situation, I am lost and confused. I don't want to feel this way but I can't let it go, just not yet.
I am very hurt and saddened by the things he said to me, it was not something I deserved and it completely shocked me. I know we all say things we don't mean when we are upset and I truly believe that this was one of those situations but it doesn't make it right and it doesn't make it hurt any less.
I hope that by writing and sharing my feelings that this will help me move on and let go of the past. I really do want to move forward, I love my Dad but right now things are just a little off between us. I hope we can repair our relationship and I can go back to being Daddy's Little Girl.

Why I Love Gemma Teller

Why do I love Gemma Teller? Katey Sagal's character on the amazing show Sons of Anarchy. Let me tell you why, 10 specific reasons.
1. She carries guns
2. She carries knives
3. She kicks ass
4. She breaks noses with one swift elbow to the face
5. She has a bad attitude (love it)
6. She has a big mouth
7. She can hold her own and doesn't necessarily need a man
8. She has the best damn boots I have ever seen
9. I adore her clothes
10. She is sneaky and always gets what she wants
As a bonus she can hotwire a car.
I think I aspire to be the ass kicking Gemma Teller minus the criminal record, murder and rape. Katey Sagal's character is strong and independent and we don't see much of that anymore. Her character may not be society's idea of the perfect civilian but damn she's strong willed and stands by her decisions. As far as SOA is concerned, she may be the best damn character. Yep, totally love Gemma.

I survived 2010

I know the year isn't quite over yet but I've had so many thoughts racing through my mind that I've barely slept in days.
Let's be honest - this year sucked for me. It started off horribly.
I was in a dead end relationship and everyone knew it, except for me, well maybe I knew and I just didn't want to admit it to myself. I was cut off from friends and family, I had this "boyfriend" who mentally tormented me and took away everything important to me. He made me feel so awful about myself, I cried all the time. I cried myself to sleep, I cried in the shower. I cried as long as no one saw me because I wanted to put on this brave face and pretend everything was fine. Turns out, hiding your problems doesn't fix them, they surface and nothing good comes from it. Just a lot of heartache and more tears. Ten months ago, I felt as though I couldn't breathe, like the air had been sucked out of my lungs. I felt as though half of my body was missing. How was I to live on my own? How am I ever going to take care of myself? I had someone do that for three years. To make things extraordinarily worse, I lost my job and was left with 3 years worth of credit card debt. The person I trusted more than anything in this world, just walked away, like the last 3 years never took place. Just a bad dream right? Not for me. I had nothing but time. Too much time on my hands. I criticized every aspect of myself before I realised there really is nothing wrong with me - it was him. He lied, he cheated, he abused drugs and became this shell of a person I knew. I don't cry over him, I actually don't miss him at all. This is more of a reflection of the year 2010. All of these things happened to me before March 1st, 2010. Five days away from my 22ND birthday. Everyone told me this would be a great learning experience. I didn't want a learning experience. I wanted my life back because no matter how terrible it was, I was comfortable with it and here I was thrown out of my comfort zone.
Finally, in May things turned around. I found my dream job, all my hard work in school was beginning to pay off. I work with a great team of people who encourage me to learn and grow as a dental assistant. I earn more than minimum wage which I really like.
I was able to go to Halifax and visit relatives. I saw the ocean again for the first time in 6 years! I experienced Nova Scotia in the summer, something I have never done before. Turns out, you can drink on boats and it's called a booze cruise and it is really cool. You don't have to be drunk to feel drunk on a booze cruise
I healed my relationship with my best friend, over lots and lots of gin/vodka - whatever suited our mood that particular night. I went to the Toronto Zoo for the first time since I was a little kid. There were some awesome polar bears this year. And hippos.
I've been able to spend time with my Grandma again which I love.
I can shop without feeling guilty, I can buy designer things and actually enjoy them.
I became an auntie to a gorgeous little boy who I love more than anything and I can spoil him rotten.
I am comfortable with myself, I am so happy to be on my own, to learn who I really am, without being a part of a couple. Couples kinda suck, because you have to compromise and I don't want to do that anymore. Not right now anyways. It's time to be selfish for awhile. It's time to learn who I am, instead of what I am or was, which was some one's girlfriend.
I've had all these amazing adventures this year, and all I have focused on is this bullshit that started the year off.
Things started off so poorly that I have been terrified of a new year, which is a silly fear to have, but I'm just waiting for another sucker punch. Something to knock me down. I am not an optimistic person, in fact today was one of those days where I felt like kicking puppies or something except I really like puppies so I would have to find something else to kick.
But a good friend, reminded me that I can't live in fear. In fact she said my fear was stupid because the only person who can fix what I don't like in my life is me. She said I don't have to grow up yet, but the new year is coming wether I want it to or not. There's nothing I can do to stop that, not even hiding under a big pile of coats. The important thing in this entire rant is that I survived. I survived all of it. 2010 is finally over and I can look forward to a fresh start so here is to 2011. It better rock or I will find that big pile ol' coats and never come out.

One of the many things I appreciate about my job is smelling like a dental office and sweat at the end of the day. Sure, it's disgusting and repulsive but it has a major benefit.
At the end of the day on the bus, which is a 30-40 minute bus ride, nobody EVER wants to sit next to me! This is perfect for my anxiety, I hate strange people sitting next to me (and I hate sharing, honestly I'm not very good at it). My bag lounges comfortably on the seat next to me while people walk by and try not to smell various dental products. I don't even have to feel guilty about my bag having it's own seat because no one wants to sit there.

Thanks, dental offices for being so gross. I love you.

I never learn

I never listen to the advice of anyone. I ask for it, then do what I want anyways.
Take Saturday night for example...
My best friend came over for the night, she wanted to relax, watch movies, eat popcorn etc. I was restless and wanted to go out. She didn't want to due to lack of money and the fact that we go to our favorite bar A LOT. Her words exactly "sometimes, it's good to charge the batteries for a weekend." My words exactly "we're only 22 and not dead yet, let's go. You can raid my closet and borrow whatever you want" (This is a tempting offer considering my overspending tendancies and my many designer items.)
She didn't want to go, really didn't want to go out. She reminded me of my recent illness and exhaustion from work. She advised me to relax for a weekend, to take it easy. Nope, I couldn't do it. I couldn't sit home, feeling cooped up. I couldn't stay home knowing that all the university students moved to the city this weekend and would be out enjoying their last weekend of freedom. It would be a great opportunity to meet some new and attractive guys. I couldn't resist - I had to go.
After much convincing I won, my bestest agreed to go to the bar for a "drink or two."
With her and I, it is never as simple as a "drink or two" - we work hard, so we play hard. Apparently, I play harder. We both returned home almost three hours later and three sheets to the wind. She doesn't drink hard liqor the way I do. She will enjoy beer or wine, while I have to drink vodka or gin. I hate beer and am very picky about wine. Turns out, I may have drank more than her as I have the worst damn hangover of my entire life. Worse than underage binge drinking hangovers. My stomach has such bad gut rot that I couldn't sleep and spent half my day feeling tipsy. The other half vowing to never drink again and wishing I would have stayed home to "charge the batteries". This is a vow, I have pledged many times since I was 16 and came home drunk for the first time. It is also a vow, I have broken many times since then.
So today, my bestest has had the extreme pleasure of singing the "I told you so..."song while accompanying the song with a dance. I curse her for being right, but our plans for next weekend - to hit up our favorite bar,because it is her turn to decide where we go or what we do.(Never should have used that when I was trying to convince her to go out.)
My liver hurts as I think of next weekend.

Confessions

I pretend that everything is fine. I push everything down, bury it deep inside me and pray every morning that everything I've kept bottled up doesn't explode.
It's not working. I lay awake at night, unable to sleep, unable to turn my brain off. I take anti anxiety pills a few times a day. Nothing helps.
My anger and hurt is still rotting me from the inside out. My heart has healed but it still hurts. Hurts like hell. I can't escape the pain, not even in my sleep. It's all I dream about, and when I wake those dreams haunt me for most of the day.
I think of you and want to vomit. I think of what a waste of a human being you are and how any one with a heart and soul could do something so horrible.
I am not talking about the lies and betrayal anymore. I'm talking about the emotional torment I suffered for four days. The emotional abuse, the mind games, the abuse I was exposed to from the one person who claimed to love me.
When you dumped me, you left me in hysterics on your bedroom floor. Left me shattered, a fragment of who I was. I cried for you, begged you not to leave me this way. Your response " I can't watch this, it hurts too much to see you this way." And then you packed a bag and left me for her. On your way out the door, you asked your mom to help me. Told her I was in a fragile state and needed someone to help me. Then you walked out the door. Leaving me to pack my bags and find my own way home. You treated the trash better than me that night - at least you drove it to the curb.
You played mind games for four whole days. Blamed me for the demise of our relationship. The things that you said, the pain you caused me was so unbareable that I drank every ounce of liqor I had trying to numb the pain. It helped for a moment, but then the moment passed and I blamed myself because you made me believe. You made me an insecure little girl and after having your fun for four days, you came home and kicked me out.
Every word that came out of your mouth was a lie. I don't believe you ever loved me. You were 17 and I was in college. It was an ego boost for your low self esteem to date a college girl. You also won the bet among the crew at work. You had bragging rights. Everything was a game, everything was a lie and I stupidly believed it. I believed you, I trusted you and I loved you more than anything in the entire world. It would have been nice to know that I was nothing more than a bet. I wonder how much money you made off that. What was I worth to you? I at least deserve to know how much you won.
You manipulated me into believing everything was my fault. I constantly tried to change for you, I tried to please you any way I could and I was never good enough. You had me believing that the college educated girl wasn't good enough for the high school drop out, earning minimum wage at a medicore job.
You made me feel broken. You destroyed my heart. And I am not alright. I can pretend all I want, I can put on a smile and go to work. I can fool those closest to me, but I can't fool myself. Everyone says "just get over it" if it were that simple I would. I wish I could. I pray every morning, and every night before bed but it never goes away. It will eventually, and every day it gets easier but I can't keep hiding from it anymore. I can't keep pushing it aside as if it didn't matter. Even though, he never loved me, I loved him and that's going to take more time apparently.
"You were my first love, but you were also my worst love." Three Days Grace.
Never again, will I be made a fool of and never again will I change who I am for someone else.
I am better for it. You setting me free was the kindest thing you ever did because despite all my pain, I am doing well.I have a career that I love. I work for people who appreciate me and accept me as I am. I have a steady income - something we never had. And as it turns out, I have the best friends in the world. You may have cut me off from them and tried to sever my relationships but it didn't work. You didn't break me, I may feel that way at times but deep down, I am not broken and I know it. I sometimes feel like I'm dying without you or that I can't breathe without you. That feeling lasts only a second because you have been gone for months and I haven't died yet, I am still breathing. In fact, I am thriving without you.
I want to hate you but that takes too much energy and a low life like you doesn't deserve that much of my time.
Someday, you will be punished for what you did, how you treated me and the awful things you did but it is not my place to do that. Sometimes, I wish it was but I have faith that you will get what you deserve. You get what you give, just remember that.

New Tattoo

Three years ago, I got my first tattoo. It was a shamrock for my Irish heritage. I loved it, but in recent months I had begun to hate it. It reminded me of a time and a place that I have been working very hard to forget. It was never meant to be symbolic of that time but unfortunately it did. So it was time for the shamrock to go. I had loved it so much but every time I looked at it, I felt sick to my stomach. It brought up feelings of hurt and betrayal. I couldn't look at it anymore. IT HAD TO GO.
I have wanted to get another tattoo for a long time. I always wanted a monarch butterfly. My grandpa loved them and I wanted to get one for him. I just didn't know where I wanted to put it. I decided to cover up the shamrock with the butterfly. I couldn't get a monarch because the orange and white color patterns would never cover the shades of green. I had to pick a different one. I chose one that I liked. Colors that I liked and so the shamrock was covered in a little over an hour.


Before:


After:

The picture of the butterfly was taken about 24 hours after it was done. It's not fully healed and not looking as beautiful as it will in a few more weeks.

(BTW, the new Three Days Grace Album and the new Bif Naked Album are awesome. I am really enjoying how angry they are with whoever pissed them off. Check out "F*ck you 2" by Bif Naked or "Bitter Taste" by Three Days Grace. Actually, it's all good.)

I hate public transportation. Yesterday, I was running a few minutes late and missed my first bus so I had to take the next bus to work. It was running late therefore making me late for work. I am supposed to be at the office about half an hour early. I arrived 15 minutes before the office opened. Not good. I've only had my job a couple weeks. Not really the impression I want to make.
Today, I left my house earlier in hopes of catching first bus and not being late again. I was walking up to the stop, when I watched it drive past me. I missed the first bus. I had to wait 20 minutes for the next one - it too was early. Unfortunately, the public school is taking a group of students on the bus for a field trip. What the eff happened to paying $2 to take a yellow bus? One that was not used for "public transportation."So now I will be standing for 40 minutes all the way to work and while I am standing, I am typing this post via my blackberry - impressive right? I thought so. Now if I can master my ipod at the same time to tune out annoying children I will be set and hopefully not fired for being late the second day in a row.

I LOVE MY NEW JOB! That's all I have to say.

You knocked me down, but you didn't knock me out. I never thought I would be able to get back up without your help. But I did, I jumped up and figured things out for myself. And I am the better for it.
I now have a full time dental assisting job. I'm on my way back up and without your help. I did survive and I did it all by myself. Something I haven't done in a long time and it feels great!

The Zombie Vote

In a zombie apocalypse, what would scare you more:
Zombie giraffes
OR
Zombie flamingos?

Let's take a vote. Comment on which animal would freak you out the most. If you have a different animal that you think would be creepier as a zombie feel free to tell me. For example: zombie cows.

Daughtry Lyrics

I think Chris Daughtry has summed it up! I saw Daughtry perform this song when Spencer and I saw Bon Jovi for my birthday two years ago. Ironic isn't it?

OVER YOU by Daughtry(2005)


Now that it’s all said and done
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
I fell too far, was in way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of meeee

(Chorus)
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, time agooo!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally gettin’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you!!!
(End Chorus)

You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags and walked away
There was nothing I could say,
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of other’s opened up
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for meee

(Chorus)
Well I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, time agooo!
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally getting’ better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you!!!
(End Chorus)

I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time agooo
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you

And I never saw it coming
I should have started running
I’m finally getting better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!
And I got over you!!!

The day I thought I’d never get through
I got over you…

A Day in the Life of Daisy

Daisy is the youngest and smallest member of our family weighing only 1 pound and 12 ounces. She is only ten weeks old but has quite the attitude and leads a very interesting life for a little dog.


Her day begins by being let out of her crate after crying until my mom feels bad enough and lets her out. After this, the big dogs are let out in to the backyard for their morning routine. If you are not careful Daisy and Maggie the Cat will both make a run for the back door. If the cat gets out, she will be gone ALL DAY and then KK will be mad ALL DAY that her cat escaped. We try to avoid this type of incident.
If Daisy escapes she can only run around the deck because her legs are too short to get down the stairs. However, catching her isn't easy either. She has been known to run between your legs like a cartoon character or fake you out by pretending to go in one direction when really she will run in the other direction. Lately, I have compared her to a guinea pig. She is small, with short legs and runs as fast as her little legs will take her.
While the dogs are outside, we make our rounds cleaning up any messes the dogs may have made in the early morning hour. Sometimes, chewed kleenex, shredded plastic bags or food that they have sneaked during the night. For example, Maggie and the dogs were in cahoots the other night and ate an entire bag of turnover cookies. My mom was not impressed to say the least.
Daisy will run to the gigantic water cooler and drink like the big dogs and eat out of their bowls like the big dogs. She does have her own bowl but she prefers to eat there.
Hardwood floors need a ton of sweeping. So, while the big dogs run around outside, bark at the swings, or chase each other we sweep the floors followed by the use of a Swiffer Sweeper. Now, Daisy has a strong distaste for the broom and the Swiffer as she begins to chase the broom and Swiffer, barking and growling. Generally, "terrorizing" the broom and Swiffer like the part Terrior she is.
When the big dogs are ready to come in, they play a game that we like to call "Last one inside gets their face bitten." For some reason, whichever dog is last to come in has to be playfully attacked by the others. I guess, they are like kids in the sense that the last one in is the rotten egg.
There is a hurricane of dogs as they play and begin to dump out their toy bin. Eventually, someone will check the mail and Daisy must follow that person to the front door, then race you back to the living room. If flyers are brought in, Daisy will pull them under the couch and hide them for later in the day.



Around this time, the dogs crash out for a little while. If Grandma comes for a visit, there is another dog hurricane. These dogs will do ANYTHING for Grandma.
Then, they terrrorize the house some more, and wait by the door to play outside. Again, we have to watch out for Daisy and Maggie. Daisy will wait by the door crying and scratching to go out with the big dogs. If someone is dressed for the day, they will take her out to the yard beyond the deck.
When they all come in, Daisy will pull out her hidden flyers and begin to chew them, antagonizing the other dogs to play her game. This is when the Terriors is the house become Terrorists. A whirlwind of dog will sweep the living room, leaving only victims in their path, you know squeak toys, ball, chew toys and anything else they feel they are entitled to (old toothbrushes, ear plugs, lots of dirty socks etc).
After some playing, it's time for another nap. We quickly and quietly clean their mess because they do not like their toys moved.
As the day goes on, Daisy will jump from one person's lap to the other, taking a quick nap but only after licking your entire face.
You can always tell when Daisy is on the move, we put a bell on her. Around dinner time, they all sit in a line, hoping to catch any piece of food that might "accidentally" fall in their direction.
In the evening, Daisy and her mama Ruby like to roll around on the couch, making grunting noises and playfully biting and nipping at each other. Blankets are the victim. They will pull and unfold the blanket, pulling it across the couch and when they are tired, they collapse into a dog pile on the blanket.
This is the spoiled life of our dogs and the daily adventures of a tiny white dog.

Big Decisions

I have the opportunity to apply for an assisting job in the Cayman Islands.
It would be a two year contract with salary, benefits and transportation.
It sounds fun and interesting but I am a very family oriented person. I get home sick very easily.
There is this adventurous part of me that wants to apply for the position. I think it would be a great experience, it would be new and exciting. I could avoid winter for two whole years! It would be like living in a picture. I imagine sipping margaritas on the beach in my free time. Laying in the sun and relaxing. I could live on the beach like I've always wanted. I could wear flip flops all year long. Aside from living in paradise, I would be working in the field that I want, I would be doing what I love most.
I don't own a house, a car or any sort of assets. I have a mountain of credit card debt, a 3 year Blackberry contract and student loans but that's about it.
This is my problem. I am a big chicken, I hate change. When I feel overwhelmed by personal problems, I feel the need to run away from them, avoid them for a little while. Is two years too long to hide from them?
I would miss my family like crazy. I would be lonely without a dog sleeping at the foot of my bed. I would have to make this trip on my own and I'm not sure if that's something I'm ready for. I could end up missing holidays, birthdays and other special occassions. It would be an extra long vacation by myself. I'm really undecided. I am too nervous to even apply. And I'm already stressed that I don't have a passport. My family couldn't afford to come visit me and what if I couldn't get away from work to come see them? This is my problem, I barely know anything about the position and I am already debating "what ifs"
I do think I need a change, a new adventure. But how far am I willing to go? What am I willing to give up? Would I be able to live without my family for two years? I'm really not sure.
I think the first step is to just apply and see where it goes from there. Maybe the position is already filled, who knows? I need to be brave and just apply instead of worrying. I have nothing to worry about until I get a reply.
What do you think? Honest opinions are appreciated please.