Stop searching. Happiness will come to you.

Lately, I have been doing what I can to keep my mind off of Spencer. I've been going out with friends and trying to move on with my life. To be honest, some days are better than others but I keep going anyways.
I had a very ugly encounter with him today. Things got out of hand over some things that belong to me, that he refuses to give back. In fact, he has taken them to Magot's house so I can't get them. I asked that he return them to me on Tuesday (today now) after he is done work.
Since he is the number one jerk in all of Canada of late, we begin to argue. World War III almost took place, had his mother not stepped in and asked him to leave.
He had the balls to tell me that I'm just jealous that Magot won him and I didn't. Yes, he is quite the smelly, uneducated, rude prize. I said she didn't win, I gave you away. It just got worse from there. I felt the need to insult Magot a lot. He said that I didn't even know her and I said that I didn't have to know her, I am just calling it as I see it and I see trailer park trash. He ended up leaving to pick Magot up from work in "their" car.
He is not the person that I met three years ago at all. I understand that people change and grow but I have no idea what the hell this is or who the hell this is. The person that I knew was kind, caring, generous and so many other great things. This guy is just a jerk.
When this rebound relationship with Magot blows up and it will, he will be sorry and realize the mistake he made. He will realize that he was thinking with the wrong head and made a horrible choice. He will realize that "guess my disease" is not a fun game. He will realize that everyone she slept with, he has just slept with too. He will realize that random sex with a coworker was not a good idea. Sure it might be fun, but was it worth throwing away a three year relationship that actually had meaning? Was it worth tossing aside the one person in the entire world who loved you more than anything or anyone? Was your job worth losing because of something different with someone different? Let's face it, eventually she too will feel betrayed and used. She will want revenge for the heartache he caused and will she act out her plans of revenge? Who knows? But honestly, I'm kind of excited to see how this plays out. The only type of revenge I want is for them to both hurt the way I did. This will happen, justice will be served and all I have to do is be patient and wait for the drunken, middle of the night phone calls where he desperately begs for my forgiveness. This is the time when I can reject him and make him lose any self esteem he had left as he did to me when he smashed my heart in to the dirt.
Anyways,it's way too late to go back, things will never be the same and he will always think of me as the one who got away. I wasn't dumped, I was freed from what could have been an even bigger mistake than it already was. I am a kind, caring, generous, educated, funny and beautiful girl. I deserve better than him. I deserve someone who respects me and wants to be with me for who I am. I deserve someone who will love me as much as I love him.
I did love Spencer with all my heart and as much as one person could possibly love another. I know at one point, he felt the same way whether he admits it or not, however the person I knew is long gone and whoever has replaced him is not a good person. I can live with my actions and choices because even though I am flawed, I was never as cruel as him.
I have moments where I wish I could change things or undo the last three years or even wish that I had never fallen in love but what's done is done. There is no going back but as time passes and he continually makes it easier for me to hate him my heart heals a little bit more.
I don't want to say time heals all wounds because that doesn't help or make you feel better. Telling someone to have patience through their heartache seems impossible to the breaking heart and only frustrates the broken hearted even more. There is truth to it but it just doesn't seem that way at that particular moment.
I found a fortune from a fortune cookie today that I had kept because I loved what it said. It said "Stop searching. Happiness will come to you." I have decided to take that fortune to heart. I think that it is the best advice I have been given since this entire disasater. I loved this fortune when I first cracked it out of a fortune cookie and I love it just as much now. It makes sense, happiness will find you, especially when it is meant to be. I'm not going to talk about fate and God's plan or anything like that because I'm not sure what I believe, all I know is that for once, I received a great piece of advice from an otherwise ordinary cookie. As I was rereading my long lost fortune cookie, I realized that I deserve all the happiness in the world and as I piece my life back together this will happen for me.
But for now its almost 4am and I need to stop blogging in the middle of the night because they become really long rants. So, please enjoy the fortune cookie advice as much as I have.