When I wake up alone, the shock and realization that my relationship with Spencer is over hits me in the face. That probably hurts the most. Waking up by yourself after sleeping next to someone for almost two years. It makes you feel lonely and sad. All the pain and the hurt come flooding back. And when you get hit with that much pain it makes you wonder why you woke up in the first place.
Going to bed alone hurts too. But if I keep myself awake long enough, eventually my eyelids just flutter close and I sleep for ten hours or more.
If I can keep my mind distracted until the inevitable fluttering of my eyelids then it has been a good day and I don't dwell on how much I miss Spencer even though he broke my heart.
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1 comment:
Of course it hurts the most!
I so wish I could talk face to face here.
My daughter is only a couple of years younger.
Look.
It hurts like hell right now. Sometimes it hurts so much you wonder whether it's worth 'going on'
It is.
Please believe me babe.
You never know what life has in store next.
Sometimes good, sometimes not so good.
I can only quote Grant Naylor (who is bizarrely two people)
"You live, you die. The bit in between is called life. Enjoy"
I said this to Jacqui at 18 when her fella went off with someone else.
She reckons she spent three days or more remembering and repeating it. She felt like shit.
Now?
She has a boyfriend called Max who loves her dearly.
Will it last?
No idea.
But that isn't really the point.
Enjoy what you have when you have and one day you'll realise that what you have is forever.
But only when it is.
But not until it is.
Love and hugs babe.
4D xxx
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