"If I fall back down, you're gonna pick me back up again,
I fall back down, you're gonna be my friend." - Rancid

It's just been one of those days.

I hate group projects - being a creative genius is never easy.

I don't hate nature, I just don't go out of my way to see it

This morning, on my first day of summer vacation, I boldly went where I have never gone before. Fishing in the middle of nowhere for three whole hours. I don't like fishing, it's boring and I really don't have the patience to sit there waiting for a fish stupid enough to come along and try to eat a plastic lure. I caught some trees and the great Canadian seaweed fish many times but no actual fish. I am too spastic and uncoordinated for fishing I know this. I knew this before I went fishing this morning. Thankfully, Spencer has the patience to deal with my shaningans.
My mom was shocked to learn of my little adventure today because it has been said by my good friend Melanie that I don't hate nature but I don't go out of my way to see it. This is very true - I hate bugs and mud. And guess what is in the middle of nowhere - bugs and mud. Thank God for bug spray. I think I may have bathed in it this morning trying to protect myself from the flesh eating bugs known as Deer flies and Mosquitos.
Spencer loves nature. He likes fishing and camping and other nature type activities. He would stay out there all day - fishing. My natural habitat is the shoe store. No one gets bitten by bugs or slips in mud. It's usually air conditioned, so you won't wilt like a flower from the burning rays of light from the sun. You can try on a variety of shoes and sometimes there's even a sale. I can buy some great shoes, never spending my own money, usually Spencer's but sometimes my mom's too. It's ideal if you ask me. What else could a girl ask for?
Overall, I have to admit I did have fun spending time with Spencer but there is no future in fishing for me.

Yesterday was my last day at the University of Toronto - Thank God. I really enjoyed my experience in Toronto however I could have lived without carpooling and getting up at 5:30am every morning. I met some really nice dental students one of which I would love to work with when he opens his own practice however it will be in the big city which I don't love. I was given the opportunity to practice my skills on people not dolls which is nice however every time I accidentally sucked up someone's cheek or lip I felt really bad and just kept apologizing but most of them couldn't even feel it or didn't notice because they were given local anesthetic. I also learned that I do not want to work in pediatric dentistry. I spent ten seconds in the pediatric clinic and then ran for the hills. I couldn't handle all these kids crying in pain I wanted to make them feel better but only because they were giving me a headache. Clearly I do not have the patience for pedo. I only had two really bad experiences with the people at the University other than that it was fun.
I had to work today because everyday that I was not at the University I was at work. I have had two days off this entire month, exhaustion is an understatement.
On Friday my mom turns the big four - oh. Over a month ago, I ordered balloons from work. I took my sweet time picking out the perfect balloons in pretty pastels. Today when my shift was over I checked the balloons counter to ensure that my order was there for Friday and it's not. It is lost - no one in the store can find it. I am really upset about this and that is being polite. However I am really glad that I had the sense to check because I would have been even angrier when I went to pick up a nonexistent order on Friday. So now I have to find my receipt to prove that I did in fact pay for the first order. I have no clue as to where it could be but I better find it. This was a reminder of how event planning can suck which is why I never applied for a position in event planning when I was done at Conestoga College.
Other than fixing this little balloon mess I can't wait for my mom's birthday - I think I may be more excited than she is because despite this set back I do like planning a party especially one that includes jello shooters. I'm sure there will be pictures.

I will never carpool again, as long as I live. I hate it. It makes going to U of T the most horrific experience ever. I can not even begin to explain how horrible so I am just going to say that I will never carpool again, I would rather walk.
The experience of going to University is fun, however, I do not want to go to University in the city of Toronto. Toronto is way too busy and everyone is in hurry. Some students are great to work with, others are not. I have only encountered two students who were not pleasant to say the least, the others were great. Every day that I am not at the University, I am at work, so I don't really have a break until the end of the month and I beginning to become extremely exhausted which may be expressed in some of these sentences if they do not make sense or have typos. Hopefully this will all be over soon and I can go back to my regular schedule of half school days and I don't have to pay money to listen to techno in the car for two hours.

Rumor has it that Daddy Dearest and his special brand of crazy have rolled back in to town. I am not happy about this and that is putting it kindly. I have this knot in my stomach since I found out that he won't stay a rumor for very long. I have this feeling that he will be coming around soon and that is something I can not deal with. I try to ignore my instinct, however, even in my dreams I can not be rid of him. I don't sleep and when I do he is there in his nightmarish present finding ways to disturb me more than he already has. Anti-anxiety pills will be short in supply soon and that in itself is a whole seperate issue.

Enough about Daddy Dearest though.

I started my ten day experience at the University and it went much better than I had anticipated. I was able to work with two very friendly female dentists, who thankfully did not criticize my work because I have definately not had enough experience. One even said, that it was a pleasure to meet me and she would love to have me back next week. She said I did a great job for my first time and was pleased with my help. Granted I didn't do that much to help but it felt great to be appreciated. I am 100% exhausted, but I'm happy about it and I can't wait to go back on Monday.

The Prince Among Men

Spencer and I were invited to a Stag and Doe tomorrow. I don't want to go. I am not a people person, I am shy. I am an introvert. And most of the time his work friends don't talk to me. His co-workers think he is great - he is the prince among men at work. And me I don't know where I fit in. They don't talk to me, they don't introduce themselves, Spencer always introduces me unless he can't remember the name of his co-worker. So I don't want to go. I don't want to be left out as he and his crew proceed to get shitfaced. (It's just plain rude, not to introduce yourself to someone new and it leaves a really bad first impression.)However, it seems as though I am being persuaded into it. I know that I could make the effort to introduce myself but it's hard when 15 people are chatting away and you can't get a word in edge wise. I hate it, I hate going to his work related events or events for people from work. I am trying to talk my friend into coming with me because I usually try to drag her along to these things. This way, as they are telling their stupid "Haha can you believe that actually happened today at work?" stories, we proceed to do shots and dance and sometimes there is singing involved but only after a certain number of shots. Hopefully, she will oblige or I am in trouble.

Take the words right out of my mouth

In school, we had to write resumes for our 250 hours of work placement. Of course, I wrote what I thought was a phenomenal resume, after all I did already go to Conestoga College for two years. I did already study resume writing for four months and excel in copy writing during those same months. Plus when it came to English classes in high school everything just fell into place naturally. I never struggled with writing or reading. I guess I am like my mother that way.
I wrote a beautiful objective filled with all the cliche things that employers love to hear except with my own twist to it. I wrote a very captivating cover letter explaining my current position as a student and after perfecting it I sent it to my placement coordinator. I received an email from her today saying that my resume and cover letter was great she just had to make a minor adjustment to my skills list on my resume. Well curiosity killed me and I opened the attached documents. She rewrote my entire resume and cover letters. There were a few tidbits left of what I had wrote and that was all. I am not pleased to say the least. I don't understand why she would send me an email telling me how perfect my resume and cover letters were and then rewrite the entire thing. It doesn't make sense to me at all. I am upset because I worked really hard on my resume and I actually know what I am doing. I know how to catch an employer's eye, I know what to say and how to say it. I think I need to ask my placement coordinator what I did wrong or what she didn't like and ask her why. If I did do something wrong or make an error somewhere that's fine, I'm glad she caught it but why did she change the whole thing? The wording is not mine, it's not even close to how I write when it comes to professional documents. And I think if I went to an interview tomorrow with this cover letter it would be quite obvious that it is not my writing or speaking style. I just don't think it was necessary and I am determined to get to the bottom of this issue. I know that I am very weird about my writing and that there was not one single grammar or spelling or any other type of mistake that she could catch. I reread the entire thing multiple times and I had peers evaluate it for errors as well. So I need to know why and until I do I will obsess over it and drive myself mad. That is my nature.

Resumes, grammar and boredom

My exam went really well, I always second guess myself and end up changing answers at the last minute. If I would just leave them alone, it would be fine but I always feel the need to check my answers.
I started a new semester that has been so easy I could do it with my eyes closed. For the last couple of days, we have been working on grammar and improving our writing abilities. I don't need much help in that area. I breeze through it ahead of the class, leaving myself with nothing at all to do.
We are also working on resumes, again this is not an area that I need much help in because, I wrote resumes for a whole semester at Conestoga College when I was there. I could write my resume in my sleep, and while everyone is stressing out about writing a resume or learning how to use Windows Vista, I just work on perfecting every aspect of my resume from the font, to the color, to the border, everything. I have become quite the perfectionist when it comes to any task that involves my creative side.
Even our tests are easy because they are ALL open book.
I love my program but this is becoming quite boring for me. I have about an hour and a half a day where I learn something new. It is a computer program that dental offices use to track patients, appointments, staff, insurance companies and policies. Even this is easy and I am not the most computer literate person in the world. I do have one challenge, which is to improve my typing skills. I have to type 25 words per minute with 5 errors or less. It is almost impossible. I can type 39 words per minute with 41 errors on a timed typing test. So the 39 words per minute doesn't really count does it? I've tried some free typing programs on the Internet to help me, but they are a little too easy and do not provide the challenge I need in order to reach this goal. Well it's not really a goal, because I am graded on this skill and must perfect it in order to move to the next semester. This seems stupid to me but I didn't design the curriculum.
At least tomorrow, I will get a break from this, because we are in the dental lab improving our hands on skills before we go to Toronto in June. We will spend approximately 40 hours a week in Toronto assisting students who are practicing to become dentists. I'm nervous but looking forward to it at the same time, it will give me the opportunity to work on some of my techniques before I have real patients and not a Dexter. (Dexter is a head with a working jaw and teeth that we use to practice our skills before we have patients.)
Hopefully, after my grammar exam this week, school will keep me busy and interested and not completely bored.

I have never in my whole life been excited about writing a final exam. After tomorrow's test I will get a new teacher and it will be a huge relief. I expect the stress from the last 100 days with my current teacher will just melt away. My current teacher has not been the kindest or most respectful, so it will be a nice change to have an even tempered, level headed and organized teacher. It will be great to be graded by a teacher who doesn't have favorites and doesn't make things up as she goes. She actually said to the class "Don't worry about what I said yesterday, listen to what I am saying today." I have never met anyone who creates policies and procedures as she teaches and just makes things up of the top of her head. I look forward to one day having a job where I am in a position to pull things out of my ass and just say "This is the rule and you have to obey it." The school is a scent free facility and one day she made us each enter the room one by one and ask "What scent do you feel in here?" Apparently she felt a scent and wanted to know who was wearing the perfume. I have never felt a scent, but hey to each their own right? She has inspected us one by one to ensure we were all in uniform, yep I had to take my shoes off to show her that I was in fact wearing white socks as per the policy. She demands respect but refuses to treat others with respect. We are all adults and should be treated that way. I just can't wait to go to school not feeling so stressed and tense. It will be nice to feel relaxed and calm. So yes I am extremely happy to write an exam. Off to study now.

Unwelcome.

I want to post an entry
but someone who is unwelcome
has been lurking.
If that someone wants to know about my life
they should make an effort
and not creep my blog.
However I don't want that person
to make an effort,
or make any attempts
to contact me.
I would like very much for that someone
to leave me alone,
as they have done in the past.
Because as I mentioned,
they are unwelcome.
They know who they are
and why they are unwelcome.

This past weekend was not only my baby sister's birthday but Shawn's as well. We had this brilliant idea...let's take Shawn to the casino. We all hoped to win big, well to win anything, at all actually. None of us did but Shawn was convinced that if we kept playing that eventually we would win. Almost four hours later, we were broke and tired, and had nothing to show for our lost time and money. So we enjoyed our complimentary drinks which I wouldn't call complimentary because we lost $40+. At least we had fun though...

I'm having some difficulty with my manager. I use the term manager loosely. The last time I saw her manage anything was, um never. I accidentally missed a manadatory inventory meeting. And you may ask, how do you accidentally miss something. Well, I have not had more than 3 shifts a month for the last 3 months. Apparently, there was a notice posted but when you don't get a shift, how are you supposed to know. She called me at the beginning of the month and said "There is a mandatory shift coming up at the end of the month and I'm scheduling people 8am-6pm on Saturday and Sunday. I will let you know more later." I checked my schedule, I wasn't scheduled for the Saturday and since I'm not available on Sunday, I didn't call for the next week's hours until Monday. Well, I go into work on Monday and two of the senior employees corner me at the punch clock and begin to question me about my whereabouts. Since they are not the manager I refused to answer them, and they wouldn't let me punch in. I began to get a little confrontational and the one senior employee who doesn't know her ass from her elbow soon found out where she could go and how to get there.
(I'm not my mother's daughter at all.) She learned that when you corner me, when I am stressed about exams, performance procedures and instruments tests that I am not the kindest person. Well, sure enough the manager calls and tells the senior employee to send me home but the senior didn't send me home because I was counting every single hawaiian lei and she didn't want to do it herself. So I didn't find out until later that I was supposed to be sent home. Had I know, I would have walked. The senior tells me that the manager will be phoning me to discuss my future at the store. My response was "Don't bullshit me, am I fired or am I being written up." She said didn't know. I waited all week and no response. By Friday, I was pissed. I called the store to ask if I had any hours for the following week and of course I didn't. She said that she would be writing me up for missing the mandatory shift. Well, I finally agreed to the write up. Then I asked her, why she was not giving my any shifts on days when I am available and giving employees with less seniority than me those shifts. Well she had the nerve to tell me that because I had a panic attack on New Year's Eve, I became unreliable, incompentent and lazy. It was so busy that day and I was the only person on cash with a line up the length of the store, you are damn right I was panicked. And you know what, I asked to be transferred to another department for 15 minutes. I didn't even stop working. I wasn't incompentent when I came in early and stayed late that day. She said I was unproductive, incompetent and unable to complete a task without direct supervision and guidance. (When she said that it was because of my panic attack, I asked again to confirm her reasoning and she stated "It's because of your panic attack that you are unreliable. She actually said it like an idiot. Thanks for the ammo you just gave me if I feel like calling the labour board.)She also said that because I changed my availability due to school, it was nearly impossible for her to schedule me. You mean to tell me that you can't find an evening shift for me on a Monday, Wednesday or Thursday when I am actually available. If I wanted to be a bitch, I could call the labour board but is it worth my time? Not in a million years. So I called today to see if I had any hours. Of course I do. I have a three hour shift on a day that is not on my availability. What am I going to do? Well find another job ASAP but until then I have a plan. I will go into work, I will politely thank her for the hours, tell her how much I appreciate her putting me on the schedule. Then I will remind her that I am unavailable on Fridays and I would appreciate it more if she could schedule me on days I can work.
I must say I hate her passionately. But I constantly remind myself that I did not choose this for a career, that's why I am in school. I find it pathetic that she takes her job this seriously and at 40-something this is her career. I find comfort in knowing full well that I am not incompetent because I would not have an 80-something average, I would not already be a college grad. At least my resume will be colorful due to my education and not because I discriminate people for something they can't control. Karma will bite her in the ass, and I suspect it in the near future when her barely legal fiance realises the mistake he has made in proposing to her. (had to put that jab in there because I am livid.)

Winter schminter

Despite the fact that the groundhog saw his stupid shadow today, and we have been promised another six weeks of winter, the weather is beautiful. The sun is shining, I can walk down the street with my coat open. And best of all, the snow is melting. I am overjoyed however, Bumble is not. He sat outside in the little banks of snow, rubbing his face and rolling all over the front lawn. I took him for a walk and instead of walking on the sidewalk like a normal dog, he ran through the snow. Every chance he had, there was a little white dog hopping and bouncing through snow. He slipped on some icy spots that still remain but that did not stop him. As he slid, he continued to run or try to run. The first time it happened, I tried to stop to see if he was hurt but he was not going to waste any time, because every second that passes, another little snowflake melts. I'm sure it breaks his little dog heart and while we feel bad for him, we can't wait for the snow to leave. Hopefully, the puppies have not inherited his love for the snow. I don't think there are a lot of people who enjoy walking their dogs in frigid temperatures. On the other hand, I hope they are not terrified of the snow the way Ruby is, she refuses to go outside when it is cold. Or she will go out for about a minute and then start hopping on 3 paws at a time because she is cold. It's quite insane looking to watch one dog do backstrokes through the snow while the other whines and cries and hops on three little paws. Maybe there will be a happy medium or maybe they will be as neurotic as their parents. For now the snow is melting, it is warm out and I couldn't be happier about it even if the groundhog predicts otherwise. Why do we listen to the opinion of a groundhog anyway,

Ask and you shall receive

Yesterday, I was stressed out beyond imaginable. I thought my head might explode, clearly it did not seeing as how I'm writing this but anyways.
I had an exam on Radiology. It was an exam based on the first 15 chapters of the text book which was over 200 pages. So after hours of studying last night I prayed for a miracle snow day. I know that the weather forecast was not calling for much snow but I asked for it. I woke up and of course it was not a snow day, so then I asked "Can my teacher be sick or can't make it or something?" No such luck. I went to school, sat at my desk and then said "Please tell me that she is postponing the test until Monday." She began handing out the tests and I asked for one last thing, just a pass, 70% that's all I need. The exam had 90 questions. I started to panic a little bit. I finally answered all the questions, I was about to hand it in when I decided to review my answers. That took another nerve racking 20 minutes. Checked my answers, made a few corrections. Stood up, passed it to the teacher and hoped for the best. She graded the papers then stood at the front of the class with the ice cold stare she gets when she is thoroughly disappointed. My heart sank a little bit, the moment of truth. She stood there for a minute before she began her "What happened? Why didn't you ask questions? Did you not understand the material? You had two weeks off at Christmas to study, apparently most of you didn't use your time wisely." With that last remark, she walked through the room and passed the tests around. I was the third person to get my test and I was worried. I flipped the paper so quickly to look at my grade that I dropped it on the floor. I looked for my grade and was happy to see a 76.4%. A huge feeling of relief swept over me, I was one of the few to pass the exam. I didn't get my miracle snow day but I got something and that is a lot better than nothing. I guess a miracle snow day was out of the question but my ability to pass the exam was not.
Thankfully, I can enjoy my weekend now. (I have a P.D. Day tomorrow.)

All I am asking is that you teach

As the Christmas Season approaches, the supervisor at my school felt it necessary to give our class an early gift. The gift of suspensions, detentions, write ups whatever you would like to call it. Granted the school is an adult education centre that provides training on specific jobs in the health care field and there are specific dress codes and guidelines. However that being said, a certain supervisor has been in my class about 3 times in the last month, nit picking everything in the rule book regarding dress code. Instead of removing the few students who were not in proper uniform and discussing this matter in her office, she lectured the entire class for 25 minutes. She has already been in class twice, she has probably accumulated 2 hours of education time lecturing students. The first couple times I wasn't happy about it but I figured, she has a job to do, she has a supervisor to report to, so she has to do it.
This time, she has taken it too far. 25 minutes? After she has already been in here a couple times? So a few students don't understand or they are dense or something but excuse them from class, DO NOT INTERRUPT the entire class to rant and check every single student, right down to their socks and underwear. Oh yeah, now she wants to ensure that we are wearing white underwear only. If she thinks she is coming anywhere near my underwear she has another thing coming. It's bad enough that she checks our socks, but this is over the top. 100% ridiculous.
The entire time she is ranting about dress code, I am sitting there stewing, becoming more and more upset as the time passes. I am paying you fools $14,000 to educate me, not judge me on my appearance. If I want to wear hot pink underwear with lime green polka dots, I have that right. If I want lime green and orange hair color, I have that right as well. There is nothing in the policy that states that I can't have green and orange hair color but apparently "they are working on that too."
I understand that they are trying to prepare us for the workplace and that certain dentists will have certain expectations, however I am sitting in class, reading about radiology. When an employer is paying me I will gladly abide by their rules, in the meantime I am paying YOU to EDUCATE ME. Stop judging my appearance and teach me something or give me my money back, so I can go somewhere else.


P.S. Thank you all for your comments regarding Spencer's car accident. I appreciate it. He is doing much better and looking for a new car.

I need to vent

The Cougar has been written off. Spencer will be receiving $7000 for the car, which means we have to go car shop and find another one. I hated car shopping the first time around and he only looked at two or three cars before he bought the Cougar.
I am still really upset about the car accident. I really hate the woman that was so careless and negliegent to smash the front end of the car in. I really hate the fact that she was such an idiotic driver that she couldn't be bothered to look around her. I really hate the fact that she said to Spencer "Oh well, this is what insurance is for" rather than apologising or asking if he was ok. I really hate that she didn't offer him a ride home, her son did when he came to pick her up. I'm really annoyed that her front bumper has a dent in it and that's about it, when Spencer's was strapped into the backseat of the car. I am really frustrated with the officer that did not charge this woman. If the car accident would have been Spencer's fault, he would have been charged because he is a 19 year old male driving a sport's car but because it was an older woman driving a Honda Civic, it's ok.
I dislike the fact that people keep saying "It was an accident, she didn't mean to do it." Well, she was careless, negliegent and she didn't do much to prevent it either. I really question the individual that gave her a driver's license. She told the officer "It was too dark and I didn't look." Does that not warrant a ticket? Apparently not.
I know that eventually I will let this go, probably when he gets a new car but in the mean time I am still pissed and I am allowed to be. And I sincerely hope this has been a wake up call for this woman because it has been for Spencer.

We find out tomorrow, if the insurance company will pay for the damages. The estimate is around $3,500 - $4,000. We are hoping that they say "yes" and do not write the car off. Thankfully, Spencer has the day off tomorrow so he can find out asap.

This afternoon, I had to take a short walk to my doctor's office. Very short, 15 minutes total, that includes walking there and back. Anyways, I'm listening to my ipod, enjoying some Finger Eleven, when I look up and see a Chevy Aveo driving down the sidewalk towards me. First of all, it scared the pants off me. Second of all, why is there a Chevy Aveo driving down the sidewalk? Turns out, the lovely driver can't figure out how to turn a car around, so clearly she must drive it down the sidewalk until she can stop at a corner, block two lanes of traffic and then continue on her merry way into a parking space. Right in front of my doctor's office. I wanted to say something, in fact I had a lot to say, but did I say anything? No, because, I would just be wasting my breath. Did I call the police, take down her license plate number? No, I didn't do that either. I figure, she is driving downtown like an idiot where there is a lot of police presence in hopes of scaring away crackheads and the like. She is only tempting fate in the wrong neighborhood.

Now to show you the size of the car.



It's not a very big car at all. It's about the size of a Yaris, little bigger than a smart car. Now, I don't drive but if you can't turn a car around properly or safely maybe, just maybe you shouldn't have your license. If you have to drive the car on to the sidewalk to turn around for fear of colliding with another car, you definitly should not have your license.

Happy 1st Birthday Bumble