Paranoia. It's Just Good Thinking When Everyone's Out to Get You.

I have had the week from Hell. Nothing is going right, it's like karma is finally catching up with me. And if that's it, then I'm in big trouble.

Yesterday, I said that maybe I was the idiot the surrounded by intelligent people, hmm turns out I am the intelligent people and everyone else is an idiot except for the people I'm not beefin' with. They know who they are. I hate slackers, people who don't pull their own weight when there's work to be done. It's like I have all these projects due and I can't get a break. I know I sound like a whiny teenage girl but seriously somebody help me. All the adults out there are going "Welcome to the real world." Yeah, well I'd like to be unwelcomed anytime now. Please.

I'm so stressed that I can't even be happy about the good stuff.
For example I have 5 days of school left and instead of having my happy psychadellic freak out, I'm having the "I'm mad, don't mess with me, psychadellic freakout" It's been an intense week. Usually, "Save a horse, ride a cowboy" makes me feel better but instead it just annoyed me.

"Why, won't people just let me live!" "Come, on three feet personal space minimum!!!"
They won't leave me alone because:

• a) I made some one very angry
• b) People find it entertaining to make me upset (Yeah, sure it's all funny when it's not happening to you)
• c) Karma
• d) I don't know. I have no response.

You know if this was an episode of My Name is Earl, (by the way, I think Jason Lee is hot for a red neck)

Iwould make a list of all the things I had done wrong in my less than two decades of existence and try to make up for them. But my selfish teenage mind won't let me.

I'm really upset with a lot of people and like my counselor tells me "You hold on to other people's garbage and won't let it go. You hold on to it until you snap and then you can't deal with the consequences." Yeah. So what if I'm a garbage collector. One man's trash is my treasure...sort of. Whatever.

I think the song lyrics for the Dixie Chicks "Not Ready to Make Nice" sums up my attitude this week.

"Not Ready To Make Nice"

Forgive, sounds goodForget, I’m not sure I could

They say time heals everything

But I’m still waitingI’m through with doubt

There’s nothing left for me to figure out

I’ve paid a price

And I’ll keep payingI’m not ready to make nice

I’m not ready to back down

I’m still mad as hell and

I don’t have time to go round and round and round

It’s too late to make it rightI probably wouldn’t if I could

‘Cause I’m mad as hell

Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said

Can’t you just get over it

It turned my whole world around

And I kind of like itI made my bed and I sleep like a baby

With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her

Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger

And how in the world can the words that I said

Send somebody so over the edge

That they’d write me a letter

Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing

Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice

I’m not ready to back down

I’m still mad as hell and

I don’t have time to go round and round and round

It’s too late to make it right

I probably wouldn’t if I could

‘Cause I’m mad as hell

Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think

I shouldI’m not ready to make nice

I’m not ready to back down

I’m still mad as hell and

I don’t have time to go round and round and round

It’s too late to make it rightI probably wouldn’t if I could

‘Cause I’m mad as hell

Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good

Forget, I’m not sure I could

They say time heals everything

But I’m still waiting

That's right. I am still waiting. Damn straight. For all my friends who read my blog. Yes, I like some country. I'm finally admitting it. Go ahead laugh but you know I'm still a punker at heart.