Curse of the Ex(es)

Have you ever made a list of people that you never wanted to see again? What if you saw two of those people on your list in less than hour? Would you crawl into a hole and die? Would run and hide?

Well, today I saw two of the people on my list in less than hour. It was brutal, after the week I've had, it was the cherry on top of a less than perfect week. The people on my list include:

• the sperm donor from 18 years ago
• the Geoffanies
• Got No and Roxanne
• Ex No. 1
• Ex No. 2
• Betty and all her personalities
• and anyone else who could possibly upset me any further this month

I first saw my most recent Ex boyfriend as I was heading to my second period class. I dislike him more than the first one. I saw him and it was no big deal, I mean what did I expect when we both go to the same school.

As I am leaving school to go home and get ready for my volunteer placement who should I see? Ex Number 1. He comes over and pushes me as if we're best friends. I was in one hell of a mood and basically told him to take a hike. Maybe I should have told him that shampoo was on sale this week.

The thing I hate most about seeing my exes is that they always find me when I'm looking less than good. And of course I'm the loon that thinks that they're thinking "Wow, she looks like sh*t, what was I thinking when I dated her" or "Wow, she's a real mess, she must be heartbroken over me" Now, I know this seems paranoid or insane but if you knew Ex No. 1, then you'd know this exactly what he's thinking. He's got an ego bigger than his head. I promise you this, his ego walks in the door before he does. He always makes me think of the song "Emily" by Bowling for Soup. If you haven't heard the song then I will tell you what it's about. Basically this guy sleeps with all of his girlfriend's (Emily) friends. The song basically sums up our relationship. Maybe the lyrics sum it up better...

Emily by Bowling for Soup
Verse 1

Another dose of unhappiness

It wasn't supposed to be like this

I gave it all and managed to get shot down yet again

So I got drunk
Had sex with all your friends
You told me to never call your house again
CHORUS
Emily, you saved the day
Emily, when you threw me away
She was always such a pretty girl
Nobody like her in the world
A little piece of heavenly
That no one else could stand
I see her in my dreams at nightI
see you when I close my eyes
I just can't seem to shake you, Emily
VERSE 2
You got your money and I got cast
Outside thrown out on my ass
In the city with no one else, no where else to go
So I hooked up with this model from Singapore
Emily, I sure am glad you didn't want me anymore
CHORUS
She was always such a pretty girl
Nobody like her in the world
A little piece of heavenly
That no one else could stand
I see her in my dreams at night
I see you when I close my eyes
I just can't seem to shake you,
EmilyYeah
Emily, you saved the day
Emily, you saved the day
Emily, you saved my ass

He didn't sleep with my friends, he just kissed them, partied with them and then lied to me about it. Oh and when we fought it was hell. There was more violence than anything else. And to think he still comes around hoping to get some but he's so wrong. I have no idea where he came up with the idea that he'd "score" with me because we were 15 and never did anything except fight.

After that little rendez vous with my exes I wanted to come home and crawl into bed but that was blown out the window by other committments.

I swear, that I pissed someone off bad and they're doing voodoo because I am so cursed the last couple weeks. Or maybe it's karma getting me in the ass for all the stupid things I've done.

If I could just have one day where I don't sink into a hole. You know the sayings "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" "Or there's nowhere else to go but up" I think the people who came up with that need to be booted in the ass. Or in the words of my Aunt Josie "clean their clocks"

(Other people that need to be booted in the ass: Yoda, C3PO, Luke Skywalker. I'll have more postings on this later).

I don't think I'm paranoid. I think I know that someone's out to get me. (Okay, maybe a little paranoid.) All I need is a bomb shelter and a little tin foil hat and I'm 100% certifiable. Oh and don't forget the CB radio because maybe I'll be able to send signals to the aliens. Then they can take me up to their mother ship and disect me like a frog in grade 10 biology. Yum. Alien food.