I've been doing some thinking (and no it doesn't hurt). I've been thinking about all the people I don't talk to, all the people I wish I could still connect with, all the people I will never speak to after this summer...
I had a conversation earlier with one of my friends and for the first time I realised we no longer had anything in common, this is how the conversation went...
Me: Hello
BF: Hey, what's up?
Me: Nothing you? I know that your back with the life sucker...
BF:Yeah she listens to me and does as I say
Me: Dude, that's not a relationship, but whatever that's your problem and I don't want to hear about it.
BF:Anyways, what's your schedule like for school?
Me: I don't remember exactly but my orientation is later this week and I have marketing on Mondays at 8am and one class on Thursdays and Fridays.
BF: Well, I don't have any classes on Fridays but I'm really nervous about my orientation tomorrow
Me: You'll be okay, you make friends really easily
BF: Thank you, I appreciate you saying that
Me: Well, it's the truth
BF: You sound sad and depressed is everything okay?
Me: Yeah I'm fine, I'm tired...(that's a lie)
BF: You don't sound the same, you're usually telling me who you're mad at or some crazy adventure that you've been on
Me: Well, maybe I'm growing up there's nothing really new to tell you about. I've been working and going to the Club with L
BF: Well cheer up!
Me: Trust me, I'm quite cheery...shut up, don't tell me what to do
BF: S is having a party on Friday, do you want to come?
Me: I work on Friday from 4:30 - 10, but if I get home at a decent hour I will make an appearance
BF: Okay, well gimme a call if you want to do something later this week
Me: Okay, will do. I guess I'll talk to you later
Hangs up phone
Fat chance I will be calling him this week or any time after. I realised that after all this time he is still dealing with all this high school bull shit and I don't want a part of it. I also realised today that people I used to be good friends with, I don't feel the same about and that is sad. The people I used to consider good friends aren't anymore. All the people I promised to stay in touch with - I haven't, no phone calls, no emails, nothing. And part of me blames me for not staying in contact but the other part is "Well, I don't know what to say, I don't know where to start." It's a bull shit excuse and it is absolutely lame but at the same time I feel like I've grown up a little bit and they're all still dealing with their high school crap. Maybe, I haven't grown up at all, maybe I'm just saying that to be brave and deal with the fact that I start college in a week. But who's counting? I feel so different from them, most of them don't have jobs, don't leave the house and sit on msn and complain about their craptastic lives. And granted I didn't have a part time job before this summer, and my social life isn't exactly there but I don't want to hear it anymore. Truth is, I don't care that their boy/girl friends are ..., or that mommy and daddy won't pay. I'm a bit of a hypocrite but at least I know it. I'm frustrated with it, all of it. I don't even feel bad about not fitting in with them, I'm a little relieved. Don't get me wrong, I will miss them and a part of me will always be with them but this part is moving on and starting new. I spent the most awkward four years of my life with them, they share my embarrassing moments, they share some of my best memories but ... that's all there is are memories. As my mom says, they are now high school friends and that's it. But L, she just may be my best friend ... the kind of friend that my mom has in Heidi. (That's the kind of friend I have always wanted)
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3 comments:
You are growing up. It hurts, eh?
But it's good.
Yoiu know what? Your mom and I took years to develop our friendship and it's gone through changes, but at the core is love.
There aren't many people I've stayed in touch with from high school anymore. Some I regret and miss them, others I feel guilty about, some I don't miss much at all. That's life.
It's sad, but it's okay. And you know what? You will meet so many people, very soon, that you do have someting in common with.
Heidi and I went through periods where we had very little in common. Even now, we are so different. I love her so much,and that is the biggest part of our friendship. You'll meet your "Heidi".
It does hurt a little,doesn't it? Cheerr up. In a couple of days,you'll be starting something new.
You know, good point about the "In common" thing and I didn't even think of it. It really doesn't take much. Maybe you just click with someone or you don't.
Oh and also you do realize that you have a really great mom, right? Like I am biased and all, but y'know. She's prettyallright.
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