Stop searching. Happiness will come to you.

Lately, I have been doing what I can to keep my mind off of Spencer. I've been going out with friends and trying to move on with my life. To be honest, some days are better than others but I keep going anyways.
I had a very ugly encounter with him today. Things got out of hand over some things that belong to me, that he refuses to give back. In fact, he has taken them to Magot's house so I can't get them. I asked that he return them to me on Tuesday (today now) after he is done work.
Since he is the number one jerk in all of Canada of late, we begin to argue. World War III almost took place, had his mother not stepped in and asked him to leave.
He had the balls to tell me that I'm just jealous that Magot won him and I didn't. Yes, he is quite the smelly, uneducated, rude prize. I said she didn't win, I gave you away. It just got worse from there. I felt the need to insult Magot a lot. He said that I didn't even know her and I said that I didn't have to know her, I am just calling it as I see it and I see trailer park trash. He ended up leaving to pick Magot up from work in "their" car.
He is not the person that I met three years ago at all. I understand that people change and grow but I have no idea what the hell this is or who the hell this is. The person that I knew was kind, caring, generous and so many other great things. This guy is just a jerk.
When this rebound relationship with Magot blows up and it will, he will be sorry and realize the mistake he made. He will realize that he was thinking with the wrong head and made a horrible choice. He will realize that "guess my disease" is not a fun game. He will realize that everyone she slept with, he has just slept with too. He will realize that random sex with a coworker was not a good idea. Sure it might be fun, but was it worth throwing away a three year relationship that actually had meaning? Was it worth tossing aside the one person in the entire world who loved you more than anything or anyone? Was your job worth losing because of something different with someone different? Let's face it, eventually she too will feel betrayed and used. She will want revenge for the heartache he caused and will she act out her plans of revenge? Who knows? But honestly, I'm kind of excited to see how this plays out. The only type of revenge I want is for them to both hurt the way I did. This will happen, justice will be served and all I have to do is be patient and wait for the drunken, middle of the night phone calls where he desperately begs for my forgiveness. This is the time when I can reject him and make him lose any self esteem he had left as he did to me when he smashed my heart in to the dirt.
Anyways,it's way too late to go back, things will never be the same and he will always think of me as the one who got away. I wasn't dumped, I was freed from what could have been an even bigger mistake than it already was. I am a kind, caring, generous, educated, funny and beautiful girl. I deserve better than him. I deserve someone who respects me and wants to be with me for who I am. I deserve someone who will love me as much as I love him.
I did love Spencer with all my heart and as much as one person could possibly love another. I know at one point, he felt the same way whether he admits it or not, however the person I knew is long gone and whoever has replaced him is not a good person. I can live with my actions and choices because even though I am flawed, I was never as cruel as him.
I have moments where I wish I could change things or undo the last three years or even wish that I had never fallen in love but what's done is done. There is no going back but as time passes and he continually makes it easier for me to hate him my heart heals a little bit more.
I don't want to say time heals all wounds because that doesn't help or make you feel better. Telling someone to have patience through their heartache seems impossible to the breaking heart and only frustrates the broken hearted even more. There is truth to it but it just doesn't seem that way at that particular moment.
I found a fortune from a fortune cookie today that I had kept because I loved what it said. It said "Stop searching. Happiness will come to you." I have decided to take that fortune to heart. I think that it is the best advice I have been given since this entire disasater. I loved this fortune when I first cracked it out of a fortune cookie and I love it just as much now. It makes sense, happiness will find you, especially when it is meant to be. I'm not going to talk about fate and God's plan or anything like that because I'm not sure what I believe, all I know is that for once, I received a great piece of advice from an otherwise ordinary cookie. As I was rereading my long lost fortune cookie, I realized that I deserve all the happiness in the world and as I piece my life back together this will happen for me.
But for now its almost 4am and I need to stop blogging in the middle of the night because they become really long rants. So, please enjoy the fortune cookie advice as much as I have.

I can't think of a title for this post

Never in a million years did I think that I would be having this much fun with Chris. As kids, we were constantly at each other's throats. He would get us into trouble and I would be the tattle tale. I was always afraid of getting in trouble and I couldn't lie to save my life. I still can't tell a lie.
Therefore, he despised me for being a snitch. I despised him because he was always causing trouble. He would be grounded for what seemed like an eternity, while I would be out the very next day. He hated me for that too. He and KK would be two peas in a pod while I was the odd man out.
I used to dread Chris coming over. Now I secretly look forward to his "day visits" by this he means he will be here the entire weekend. We don't get each other into trouble now and he helps me tease my baby sisters, which is an entertaining aspect of being home again. He also spies on them with me and then we gossip a little bit. Telling each other secrets as if we are little kids all over again. He has been helpful in keeping my mind off of recent events, it's been nice. For a short while, I can forget about everything that turned my entire world upside down and changed everything I have known for the last three years. He can temporarily make me forget all of this and I'm not just talking about getting me piss loaded on a regular basis as of late. It turns out, that there just isn't enough liquor to complete that task but we try. He is much funnier than I remember, and it seems that we enjoy each other's company for once. We don't want to cause bodily harm to one another. That too, is nice.
Anyways, I secretly hope he plans on sticking around a little while longer or at least until we annoy each other. Actually, I'm sure he will be around for a bit or at least until I get a job because I will have to return the favor of getting him drunk three weeks in a row. (Thank God, I am Irish and German or my liver may have failed me by now)

The Death of my Relationship

Since Spencer and I broke up, I have been analyzing and reanalyzing the few days before our break up. I think I have pieced together the entire puzzle that had me blind sided and devestated when this all fell apart. Looking back, I should have seen the signs and called it quits before he had the chance to rip my heart out. But I was so wrapped up in the current fight we were having, that I wasn't paying attention to all the little clues that should have tipped me off as to what he was up to those days that he was missing. I guess for someone with two college diplomas I should pay a little more attention to detail. But as I had mentioned before I was so confident in him and our relationship that I trusted him completely. That was my downfall, I was too trusting and never questioned him.
I haven't slept much since we broke up because I've been too wrapped up in figuring out where things went wrong. Trying to decipher why he wouldn't want me or what is wrong with me and I have come to a conclusion. There is nothing wrong with me, he's the idiot who let me go. I am not saying that I do not have flaws because we all do but in terms of girlfriend material he should kiss the ground that I walk on for putting up with him and his bullshit.
I figured out what changed his mind about me and who to blame. Yes, we were having problems, serious problems but it wasn't anything new and we always found a way to work them out. We were strong believers in that whole love conquers all nonsense. I guess that because he was my first love and I was his, we thought we could fix anything because we loved each other that much. It turns out that we were wrong, love can't conquer all and you do need more than love.
He has a friend from work who is married and decided in the five minutes we spent together that he didn't like me. His wife knew that there was friction between us and whether she knew all the details or not I will never know. She has a friend named Megan (Magot, if you read my comment from yesterday's post). Magot is the same age as Spencer and they do have more in common than Spencer and I did but it did not give her the right to play matchmaker. The wife knew that Magot had a crush on Spencer and that maybe with some persuasion he could or would change his mind due to the difficulties our relationship was having. Spencer and I were both doubting our relationship but we had discussed this with each other and made a commitment to try to solve our problems rather than walking away and throwing away the last three years.
It seems as though, every time Spencer went to the couple's house Magot would suddenly and magically appear. It seems as though, she valued her husband's opinion of me rather than making her own judgement and began to play matchmaker. She knew of his doubts and played on his emotions. She wanted another couple to spend time with and because they didn't like me it was time to change that. The wife wanted to see her best friend Magot happy and rather than telling Spencer to go home and work things out or end things she continued to invite Magot over every single time Spencer spent time with the husband. I am not blaming this all on the actions of the three people who should be advocates for that Ashley Madison dating/cheating on your partner service. Spencer needs to take responsibility for his actions in all of this but I feel as though the three advocates abused his trust in them as friends and used his vulnerability to their advantage so that their good friend Magot would have a partner too.
It seems as though, they told him what they thought was best based on the fact that Magot wanted a man. They were never my friends so what do they care if I am hurting right?
Spencer was fully aware of his actions and I hold him responsible for the death of our relationship. I do blame him for giving up, and I hate him for the poor choices he made. I hate him for hurting me so badly and breaking his promise of never hurting me this way. I worked so hard, and devoted everything in me to our relationship. I knew what our problem areas were and I was willing to keep working on them because I am stubborn as hell. I don't give up easily and I won't go down without a fight over something so important to me. Apparently, he didn't feel the same way and I had been fighting for a lost cause for a long time before he said anything. It breaks my heart to finally see him for the person he has become in these last few weeks before the demise of our relationship. When I think about it, it breaks my heart all over again and pulls at the stitches in my chest that are trying to heal and keep what is left of my heart intact.
He won't admit to cheating on me but all the signs were there. He swears on his life he wasn't with Magot in any romantic or intimate form while we were together but how can I believe him? How can I trust his word when he abused my trust in the first place? He knew I was stressed over losing my job and our relationship problems and used my vulnerability to his advantage. He knew I was willing to do anything to save our relationship and he used me as a door mat. He thought he could get away with his sneaky and deceiving ways. He thought he could have his cake and eat it too. When I questioned his recent behavior it caused a huge fight that made him disappear for an entire weekend and I knew then, that there was nothing left to salvage.
Logically and rationally I knew it was over and that part of me started packing my things. However my emotions and my heart got in the way and I held out hope. I hoped he would come home and apologize. I hoped that I was wrong about him and just being paranoid or jealous of the time he was spending away from me. I hoped that the last three years meant as much to him as they did to me. I was wrong because if he felt the same way he wouldn't have acted the way he did and he wouldn't have given up so easily.
The temptation of greener grass was just too much for him to handle and he needed to find out if the grass was really greener. I do wonder though, if he ever thinks he made a mistake and is afraid to admit it. Afraid to admit to what he has done and take responsibility for his actions. I wonder if he misses me or thinks about me at all, the way I think about him and what happened to our relationship. Eventually, this will pass and I will stop wondering and questioning and obsessing over that specific time period. I will remember the better times and cherish them. I will stop wondering if it was all a lie and just enjoy the memories of fun and laughter we shared together in those three years. However at this moment that seems impossible.

Traffic Stopping Hot

Since I broke up with Spencer, I haven't felt like eating. I just haven't been hungry. So thanks to my heartache I am fitting into some of my old jeans. We all know that love makes you fat and break ups make you skinny. Anyways, I put on some old jeans today and thought to myself "Damn, I look good."
The world has taken notice because as I was waiting for the bus to meet up with my friends, a guy stopped his car to talk to me. He held up traffic on one of the busiest streets in the city to ask for my number and if I would like to have dinner with him sometime.
As flattered as I was I declined. He asked why and I said "Oh I have a boyfriend." I don't feel ready to date yet and I really wasn't interested in this guy. And of course, I couldn't tell a complete stranger my entire life story. He turned to me and said "Well, that's too bad for me but tell your man he is the luckiest man in the entire world to have someone as beautiful as you in his life." He told me that I was so good looking that he wouldn't let me go out alone because he would worry that someone would try to steal me away.
It was a cheesy pick up, but it still made me feel good. It was nice to hear how beautiful I am. It was even better that I am looking so good these days that I can stop traffic. Can we say the same about Spencer? Hmm, nope. He has stopped showering and wearing clean clothes.
I am going to call Spencer and tell him what he has lost. He wants to be my friend and wants to tell me about his new girlfriend, well I can tell him how I stopped traffic. And how he was an idiot to let me go. His loss will be someone else's gain.

I was so drunk. And happy.

My 22nd birthday was a blast. I had a great time at the bar with my friends who helped me become a stumbling drunk.
But before we get to that...
Spencer's sister came over and painted my nails, then she took me out to dinner.I am glad that I didn't have to break up with her because she has been a great friend and has been really helpful in the last few weeks.
After dinner, we went to my favorite bar - Dallas. It's a country bar but it seems to be the place where all the people my age hang out. We had to arrive early because my sister came with us and although she is legal drinking age, Saturday night at Dallas is 21+, we used our connections to beat the line, and avoid paying the cover charge. I have to admit, it was weird paying for my own drinks and coat check when Spencer used to do that for me. It's the first time in 3 years that I have had to do that and it feels good.
We were there early, so it took a while for my friends to show up but in the meantime, I managed to make some new ones who bought me drinks for my birthday. And asked for my number which they did not get. As my friends began to arrive, they started buying me drinks. By the end of the night, I had drank myself stupid with 5 gin and cranberry, 10 vodka and cranberry and one pornstar shooter. I had also made a new friend through one of my friends who was a shady character that I drunkenly reported to security. We suspected the drinks he bought us were tainted so we ditched him and the free drinks. We didn't see him again and we were thankful.
By 3am, my cousin Chris and I were outside stumbling around for a cab. My feet were killing me as a spiked heel was not the best choice in terms of shoes.( In my defense, we usually get a table at Dallas but it seemed extra busy and impossible to find a table.) I tried walking in my shoes as we stumbled along trying to find our way home but it was pointless because my feet hurt so badly that I could barely walk. When you are that drunk, you always seem to take the long way home, you know walking in zig zag type of stumble. After two blocks of walking in my socks, I flagged a cab. Chris was not pleased to be coming home - he wanted to keep the party going. I told him to stay but he followed me home anyways. He's is older than me and we grew up together so he is more like a brother. An annoying younger brother but I enjoy my time with him anyways.
I arrived home to tell drunken tales to my parents and eat. I tried eating some plain bread because trying make something seemed like too much work. I ended up feeding the dogs my bread. Throwing pieces at them as if they were pigeons.
Finally, I stumbled up the extremely steep stairs to my bed. Only to have a wicked hangover which I very rarely get after a night of drinking. Due to lack of sleep, I laid in bed most of Sunday.
It wasn't an extravagant event the way Spencer always plans but it was just as much fun, if not more.

Over the last week or so, I have been more than heartbroken. However, that being said he keeps making it easier for me to get over him.
We are finishing up the last of our issues.
As the days continue, I learn more about what he has hid from me in the last year particularily. It breaks my heart and makes me question who I was with for the last three years. I wonder who he really is or if he has just changed that much in three years. How did I not notice these things? Maybe it was because I was so completely in love that I wasn't paying attention to how he was changing. How he was growing away from me.
I will always have a weak spot for Spencer because he was my first true love but after his recent confessions, there is no possible way to fix things.
I don't understand how he could hurt me this way, especially when he was so in love with me. I was his Queen. I was the center of his universe and somewhere along the way that changed and it took me a long time to realize that fact.
I don't think I could ever forgive him. It hurts that much, what he has done.
How can someone change that much right in front of you? How did I not notice?
How did I not know what was going on?
I was too trusting. And I was right to be, but he abused my trust and confidence in him and our relationship.
Spencer was a big part of my life for a long time. But he was just one chapter in my fairytale. He is certainly not the end.

Unfortunately I woke up this morning

When I wake up alone, the shock and realization that my relationship with Spencer is over hits me in the face. That probably hurts the most. Waking up by yourself after sleeping next to someone for almost two years. It makes you feel lonely and sad. All the pain and the hurt come flooding back. And when you get hit with that much pain it makes you wonder why you woke up in the first place.
Going to bed alone hurts too. But if I keep myself awake long enough, eventually my eyelids just flutter close and I sleep for ten hours or more.
If I can keep my mind distracted until the inevitable fluttering of my eyelids then it has been a good day and I don't dwell on how much I miss Spencer even though he broke my heart.

I still feel heartbroken and miserable. My heart is aching and Spencer seems to not care at all. Everyone keeps saying that men and women show emotion differently and with time, his heart will ache too. I want it to ache now, the way mine is, I want him to hurt as bad as I do.
I want him to shed as many tears as I have.
I want to feel better. I want to stop feeling this way. I want the feeling of drowning in misery to disappear.
I try to keep busy and keep my mind off of this but somehow, I always wander back to the heartache. I don't care that time heals all wounds, I have no patience.
I think of all the plans we made for the upcoming months and everything he said to me in the last few days before he shattered my heart into a million little pieces and none of it makes sense. No one understands why he decided to break my heart. No one can help me feel better and sometimes I think that there isn't enough glue in the world to repair the damage he has done to my heart.
I want to hate him so that maybe this would be easier but for some reason, after all of this I don't hate him.
All I know is that Saturday is my birthday and I plan on celebrating it the way it was originally planned just minus my date. I have to feel better by then, I have no choice. I refuse to cancel my plans because of him. I won't give him the satisfaction of knowing just how hurt I am.

10 Days

All it takes is about ten days for everything in your life to fall apart. 10 days to watch your world come tumbling down.
It all started last friday when I had the most humiliating doctor's appointment of my life. It was a physical and something I don't feel like digging back up. It was a complete violation of doctor - patient trust, to say the least.
I come home from my terrifying experience to receive a phone call from the dental office I worked at. They are letting me go. Apparently I asked too many questions about where things were in the office.I had only worked there a total of 40 hours. It is impossible to know everything there is to know in that little time period.
Next on my list of earth shattering disaster. Spencer and I had been having some problems that we were trying to work on or I was at least. I don't know about him anymore. He spends the entire weekend avoiding me. Finally, he comes home Sunday night so we can fight for an hour, then leaves again.
He returns home on Tuesday, only to break up with me. He tossed me aside like garbage and I mean that in a literal sense because on his street, Tuesday is garbage night.
I started packing to move home. I moved into the "cat room" because the 3 cats had pretty much taken over the room.
My sister KK is less than thrilled to have me home. This is the politest way I can think of saying it.
After being home a few days, my littlest sister blurted out that my guinea pig had died too.
Last but certainly not least, my cousin and I took KK out for her 19th birthday last night. Along my drunken travels at the bar I managed to step in puke that wasn't mine.
People keep telling me that things will get better, time heals all wounds. I'm sick of hearing that already. I feel at times that I may be drowning in my own misery because it seems as though Spencer has moved on already. I'm stuck here crying my eyes out trying to figure out how last thursday he told me he loved me so much that there were not enough stars in the sky to show me how much he loves me and now this. It doesn't make sense. He wants to be my friend. I don't want to be his friend, I want to be his girlfriend. He promised me forever but I suppose my expiry date was three years. Someone should warn his next girlfriend that there is a time limit for his love. I asked him if the last three years were just pretend for him and his response was that he loved me more than he thought humanly possible, that he will never love someone the same way he loved me. It's just not working for him and he is tired of trying. He never tried to fix things in the first place. He has been giving me a hard time about resolvong the financial issues we had together. He is getting pissed off because I won't stop calling him - I wouldn't have to call him if he would grow up and help me take care of these debts. We have taken care of the cell phone bill issue but the credit cards are a seperate issue he is refusing to help with when less than a week ago after I lost my job he promised to take care of me. My prince charming is not so much a prince charming but rather an immature jerk of late. I know that he says he is trying to be civil but answer my damn calls and I wouldn't have to call so many times that it borderlines on stalking. I just don't need to be arrested this week as well. So we agreed upon a few things and I will wait until midweek to hear from him and if I don't then I will call. He has at least agreed to move the rest of my things home for me.
I just wish that there was a way to skip past all this heartache. No one will let me live in a drug induced coma. And my mom keeps making me get out of bed all the time. Everything that I own or most of it anyways he bought for me, everything is a constant reminder of him. And I hate that the most.
I don't want to be told how time heals all wounds or this is for the best or any other cliche crap. It doesn't change the fact that I still love him, even though he doesn't deserve it. He was my first love. He promised happily ever after and I fell for it. I'm sure that eventually I will heal and this will be a learning experience, it just doesn't feel that way right now.

The Value of "X" with Telus

I have been a loyal Telus customer for over 3 years now and I have never had a problem except for the last two months. Last month you "accidentally" programmed my fav five numbers incorecctly so every time I called my mom I was charge 0.35/min. Do you know how many times a month I call my mom and for how long I talk to her? Well it was a pricey mistake that you only credited me $17 for, and for some stupid reason I was satisfied with that.
In January, I added Spencer to my account. Our phone bills were supposed to be only $65 a month each and we would have to pay a one time fee of $35 to activate his phone with Telus. So please tell me how this adds up to $251.57.
Let's do some bsaic math.
$65
$65
+$35
= $165 plus 13% tax, that should total around $186.45
Hmm, something definately does not add up, now does it? That's a difference of $65.12
Basic math people, basic math.
I called this morning to complain. Well, they are telling me that I have to pay a one month advance on Spencer's bill because he is a new customer. Well, when we added him to my account last month, no one informed me that in the month of February we would be financially raped. I complained until they credited me $45. So now I only owe $206.57. Where the hell are they getting these numbers from????? She also told me that there was a $10 charge for changing my rate plan midmonth or mid-billing cycle. Again, a mystery charge I was not aware of...thanks for explaining to me that I would be charged an additional $45 for your fingers to type some information on a computer.
Back to the basic math $175 for the two phones, activation charge and rate plan change fee. (Bullsh*t fee is what I'm calling it, as I angrily type this morning) plus tax should total $197.75.
I don't understand how Telus does math but this is the way I was taught and used successfully through elementary school, high school, and college(twice). This type of math has never steered me wrong before, so why now? The only answer I can come up with is that this is an Algebra question in which I have not found the value of "X" but Telus like my grade nine teacher won't help me with the equation.
I am not done with them yet, I am going to let Spencer loose on them. He won't give up as easily as I did. I only gave up because of their "answers" that wound up confusing me more than I was to begin with when I called in the first place.
I'm still not paying $206.57 for two phones that are supposed to be $65 a month. They can do something rude with their bill.

I am officially no longer an employee of my crappy retail job. I gave my notice of resignation over a week ago. It was quite possibly the happiest day of my life. I was beaming when I handed in my letter. Grinning from ear to ear. I was so happy, that I couldn't contain myself. I finally have a job in dental assisting and I will hopefully never have to work in retail again.

I had to call the Government of Canada today and complete a change of address. I never realized how complicated a process it could be. First of all they encourage you to complete this task online however, in order to do that you must know all your tax information from the previous year. This is something that I most definitely do not know off the top of my head and to be quite honest I am not sure where my tax returns are. I have an idea of where it could be and it is most likely there but I don't feel like digging a box out of my closet and sorting through "important" paperwork. Well, when I tried to complete it online, the website crashed and I was unable to do anything anyways.
So I tried calling the numbers that were listed on a form I had received from the Government. The first number was an automated answering machine that gave me many options, however not one of them was able to complete the task needed which was a simple change of address.
The second number, was a direct number to a human being! I couldn't believe it. But as luck would have it - the answer machine answered my call saying that no one was available to take my call. At this point, I could have screamed. Screamed my lungs out until all the windows in the house shattered but I didn't.
I waited a few minutes and tried calling the number for the human being yet again. Finally someone answered and was able to help me. The best part, I didn't need any of my tax return information as requested on their website. I answered a few simple questions and in a few short minutes, my address was changed.
I really don't understand why the Government feels the need to make everything so complicated. I have a theory that they do it this way simply to drive us all insane. I would say that it is "like pulling teeth" but I have assisted in that procedure and let me tell you, pulling teeth is a lot less complicated and much faster than having to deal with the Government.
After half an hour or more, a simple address change was completed, that's all I needed, all I asked for and it was more complicated than almost anything I have ever done.

Oh Daddy Dearest, you make my day!

It has been a long time since I've posted anything but honestly, I've had nothing to bitch about until now.
Once again, it's all about Daddy Dearest, except this has nothing to do with his special brand of crazy but rather his selfish actions. 3 years ago, I wanted to attend Conestoga College for Advertising. As per the agreement set in stone by a judge in a court over 10 years ago, he is legally responsible to help pay for things like oh say school. I have never asked this man for anything in my life before. Wait, let me rephrase that, I asked him to come to school related functions but he couldn't be bothered to pull himself away from his fancy toys. He has never helped with anything. He didn't even pick up the damn phone to call me on my birthday. His philosophy as a parent "well if the kids want to see me, they will call me." He has never taken any intitive as a parent except for one distinct conversation we had when I was 17, it went a little something like this. "If you ever get pregnant, the best thing you can do is have an abortion, take it from me. Kids ruin your life." Thanks Dad! Great pep talk, you should work for Planned Parenthood.
Back to my point, because I have drifted off topic.
I wanted to go to school, I wanted an education, I needed help from someone who should have helped me. He refused to help pay for my education, he stated all sorts or crazy legal jargon, that my mom's lawyer had a good laugh at while writing a very formal letter that was actually legal.
I chalked his lack of help up to the same old reason. He is a crap parent. I let it go, I took responsibility for my education and future. I did the only thing I could do, take out a loan. $25,000 and 3 years later I discover he couldn't put me through school because he was too busy attending Conestoga College that year. Same campus, like a creep show. Taunting me for years as a child wasn't good enough, he had to be closer to his "beloved daughter" while better educating himself. Clearly, not working on his Canadian Law Degree. We all have Google search you tool.
When I first learned this tidbit of information, it didn't shock me or upset me. He has always been selfish, he has always put his needs before his kids.
Well, guess what it has had time to sink in and I am a little pissed. This is quite possibly the most selfish thing this man has ever done to me. He couldn't be bothered to take interest in anything I ever did, the least he could do was at least give me an honest answer as to why he couldn't help me. As with everything else, he had to tell stories and spin webs of lies that in the end only hurt himself.
Daddy Dearest, if you ever read this I want you to know the following:
I want you to know that I am educated with two diplomas that I worked for all on my own without your help. I also want you to know that when I remember that you have recently lost everything and had to move in with your mother in law, it makes my day. I smile because your selfish behavior has cost you everything. You couldn't be bothered with your family and now your precious toys have all been taken away. No more motorcycles or carpentry shops or whatever else your selfish, grinch sized heart desired. Merry Christmas, I know mine will be because I may be in debt from school but at least I have a family that loves me (and a career).

I saw Daddy Dearest and his special brand of crazy. Thank God, we were in the car just driving past him. Had he seen me or even approached me, I think my heart would have stopped. I wish he and the shrew had stayed in the country, far away from the city, far away from me. Actually, I wish he would fall of the face of earth, unfortunately, no matter how hard you pray for that to happen it never does. I will just have to be satisfied with the fact that he has not come around and hopefully he won't.

"If I fall back down, you're gonna pick me back up again,
I fall back down, you're gonna be my friend." - Rancid

It's just been one of those days.

I hate group projects - being a creative genius is never easy.

I don't hate nature, I just don't go out of my way to see it

This morning, on my first day of summer vacation, I boldly went where I have never gone before. Fishing in the middle of nowhere for three whole hours. I don't like fishing, it's boring and I really don't have the patience to sit there waiting for a fish stupid enough to come along and try to eat a plastic lure. I caught some trees and the great Canadian seaweed fish many times but no actual fish. I am too spastic and uncoordinated for fishing I know this. I knew this before I went fishing this morning. Thankfully, Spencer has the patience to deal with my shaningans.
My mom was shocked to learn of my little adventure today because it has been said by my good friend Melanie that I don't hate nature but I don't go out of my way to see it. This is very true - I hate bugs and mud. And guess what is in the middle of nowhere - bugs and mud. Thank God for bug spray. I think I may have bathed in it this morning trying to protect myself from the flesh eating bugs known as Deer flies and Mosquitos.
Spencer loves nature. He likes fishing and camping and other nature type activities. He would stay out there all day - fishing. My natural habitat is the shoe store. No one gets bitten by bugs or slips in mud. It's usually air conditioned, so you won't wilt like a flower from the burning rays of light from the sun. You can try on a variety of shoes and sometimes there's even a sale. I can buy some great shoes, never spending my own money, usually Spencer's but sometimes my mom's too. It's ideal if you ask me. What else could a girl ask for?
Overall, I have to admit I did have fun spending time with Spencer but there is no future in fishing for me.

Yesterday was my last day at the University of Toronto - Thank God. I really enjoyed my experience in Toronto however I could have lived without carpooling and getting up at 5:30am every morning. I met some really nice dental students one of which I would love to work with when he opens his own practice however it will be in the big city which I don't love. I was given the opportunity to practice my skills on people not dolls which is nice however every time I accidentally sucked up someone's cheek or lip I felt really bad and just kept apologizing but most of them couldn't even feel it or didn't notice because they were given local anesthetic. I also learned that I do not want to work in pediatric dentistry. I spent ten seconds in the pediatric clinic and then ran for the hills. I couldn't handle all these kids crying in pain I wanted to make them feel better but only because they were giving me a headache. Clearly I do not have the patience for pedo. I only had two really bad experiences with the people at the University other than that it was fun.
I had to work today because everyday that I was not at the University I was at work. I have had two days off this entire month, exhaustion is an understatement.
On Friday my mom turns the big four - oh. Over a month ago, I ordered balloons from work. I took my sweet time picking out the perfect balloons in pretty pastels. Today when my shift was over I checked the balloons counter to ensure that my order was there for Friday and it's not. It is lost - no one in the store can find it. I am really upset about this and that is being polite. However I am really glad that I had the sense to check because I would have been even angrier when I went to pick up a nonexistent order on Friday. So now I have to find my receipt to prove that I did in fact pay for the first order. I have no clue as to where it could be but I better find it. This was a reminder of how event planning can suck which is why I never applied for a position in event planning when I was done at Conestoga College.
Other than fixing this little balloon mess I can't wait for my mom's birthday - I think I may be more excited than she is because despite this set back I do like planning a party especially one that includes jello shooters. I'm sure there will be pictures.

I will never carpool again, as long as I live. I hate it. It makes going to U of T the most horrific experience ever. I can not even begin to explain how horrible so I am just going to say that I will never carpool again, I would rather walk.
The experience of going to University is fun, however, I do not want to go to University in the city of Toronto. Toronto is way too busy and everyone is in hurry. Some students are great to work with, others are not. I have only encountered two students who were not pleasant to say the least, the others were great. Every day that I am not at the University, I am at work, so I don't really have a break until the end of the month and I beginning to become extremely exhausted which may be expressed in some of these sentences if they do not make sense or have typos. Hopefully this will all be over soon and I can go back to my regular schedule of half school days and I don't have to pay money to listen to techno in the car for two hours.

Rumor has it that Daddy Dearest and his special brand of crazy have rolled back in to town. I am not happy about this and that is putting it kindly. I have this knot in my stomach since I found out that he won't stay a rumor for very long. I have this feeling that he will be coming around soon and that is something I can not deal with. I try to ignore my instinct, however, even in my dreams I can not be rid of him. I don't sleep and when I do he is there in his nightmarish present finding ways to disturb me more than he already has. Anti-anxiety pills will be short in supply soon and that in itself is a whole seperate issue.

Enough about Daddy Dearest though.

I started my ten day experience at the University and it went much better than I had anticipated. I was able to work with two very friendly female dentists, who thankfully did not criticize my work because I have definately not had enough experience. One even said, that it was a pleasure to meet me and she would love to have me back next week. She said I did a great job for my first time and was pleased with my help. Granted I didn't do that much to help but it felt great to be appreciated. I am 100% exhausted, but I'm happy about it and I can't wait to go back on Monday.

The Prince Among Men

Spencer and I were invited to a Stag and Doe tomorrow. I don't want to go. I am not a people person, I am shy. I am an introvert. And most of the time his work friends don't talk to me. His co-workers think he is great - he is the prince among men at work. And me I don't know where I fit in. They don't talk to me, they don't introduce themselves, Spencer always introduces me unless he can't remember the name of his co-worker. So I don't want to go. I don't want to be left out as he and his crew proceed to get shitfaced. (It's just plain rude, not to introduce yourself to someone new and it leaves a really bad first impression.)However, it seems as though I am being persuaded into it. I know that I could make the effort to introduce myself but it's hard when 15 people are chatting away and you can't get a word in edge wise. I hate it, I hate going to his work related events or events for people from work. I am trying to talk my friend into coming with me because I usually try to drag her along to these things. This way, as they are telling their stupid "Haha can you believe that actually happened today at work?" stories, we proceed to do shots and dance and sometimes there is singing involved but only after a certain number of shots. Hopefully, she will oblige or I am in trouble.

Take the words right out of my mouth

In school, we had to write resumes for our 250 hours of work placement. Of course, I wrote what I thought was a phenomenal resume, after all I did already go to Conestoga College for two years. I did already study resume writing for four months and excel in copy writing during those same months. Plus when it came to English classes in high school everything just fell into place naturally. I never struggled with writing or reading. I guess I am like my mother that way.
I wrote a beautiful objective filled with all the cliche things that employers love to hear except with my own twist to it. I wrote a very captivating cover letter explaining my current position as a student and after perfecting it I sent it to my placement coordinator. I received an email from her today saying that my resume and cover letter was great she just had to make a minor adjustment to my skills list on my resume. Well curiosity killed me and I opened the attached documents. She rewrote my entire resume and cover letters. There were a few tidbits left of what I had wrote and that was all. I am not pleased to say the least. I don't understand why she would send me an email telling me how perfect my resume and cover letters were and then rewrite the entire thing. It doesn't make sense to me at all. I am upset because I worked really hard on my resume and I actually know what I am doing. I know how to catch an employer's eye, I know what to say and how to say it. I think I need to ask my placement coordinator what I did wrong or what she didn't like and ask her why. If I did do something wrong or make an error somewhere that's fine, I'm glad she caught it but why did she change the whole thing? The wording is not mine, it's not even close to how I write when it comes to professional documents. And I think if I went to an interview tomorrow with this cover letter it would be quite obvious that it is not my writing or speaking style. I just don't think it was necessary and I am determined to get to the bottom of this issue. I know that I am very weird about my writing and that there was not one single grammar or spelling or any other type of mistake that she could catch. I reread the entire thing multiple times and I had peers evaluate it for errors as well. So I need to know why and until I do I will obsess over it and drive myself mad. That is my nature.

Resumes, grammar and boredom

My exam went really well, I always second guess myself and end up changing answers at the last minute. If I would just leave them alone, it would be fine but I always feel the need to check my answers.
I started a new semester that has been so easy I could do it with my eyes closed. For the last couple of days, we have been working on grammar and improving our writing abilities. I don't need much help in that area. I breeze through it ahead of the class, leaving myself with nothing at all to do.
We are also working on resumes, again this is not an area that I need much help in because, I wrote resumes for a whole semester at Conestoga College when I was there. I could write my resume in my sleep, and while everyone is stressing out about writing a resume or learning how to use Windows Vista, I just work on perfecting every aspect of my resume from the font, to the color, to the border, everything. I have become quite the perfectionist when it comes to any task that involves my creative side.
Even our tests are easy because they are ALL open book.
I love my program but this is becoming quite boring for me. I have about an hour and a half a day where I learn something new. It is a computer program that dental offices use to track patients, appointments, staff, insurance companies and policies. Even this is easy and I am not the most computer literate person in the world. I do have one challenge, which is to improve my typing skills. I have to type 25 words per minute with 5 errors or less. It is almost impossible. I can type 39 words per minute with 41 errors on a timed typing test. So the 39 words per minute doesn't really count does it? I've tried some free typing programs on the Internet to help me, but they are a little too easy and do not provide the challenge I need in order to reach this goal. Well it's not really a goal, because I am graded on this skill and must perfect it in order to move to the next semester. This seems stupid to me but I didn't design the curriculum.
At least tomorrow, I will get a break from this, because we are in the dental lab improving our hands on skills before we go to Toronto in June. We will spend approximately 40 hours a week in Toronto assisting students who are practicing to become dentists. I'm nervous but looking forward to it at the same time, it will give me the opportunity to work on some of my techniques before I have real patients and not a Dexter. (Dexter is a head with a working jaw and teeth that we use to practice our skills before we have patients.)
Hopefully, after my grammar exam this week, school will keep me busy and interested and not completely bored.

I have never in my whole life been excited about writing a final exam. After tomorrow's test I will get a new teacher and it will be a huge relief. I expect the stress from the last 100 days with my current teacher will just melt away. My current teacher has not been the kindest or most respectful, so it will be a nice change to have an even tempered, level headed and organized teacher. It will be great to be graded by a teacher who doesn't have favorites and doesn't make things up as she goes. She actually said to the class "Don't worry about what I said yesterday, listen to what I am saying today." I have never met anyone who creates policies and procedures as she teaches and just makes things up of the top of her head. I look forward to one day having a job where I am in a position to pull things out of my ass and just say "This is the rule and you have to obey it." The school is a scent free facility and one day she made us each enter the room one by one and ask "What scent do you feel in here?" Apparently she felt a scent and wanted to know who was wearing the perfume. I have never felt a scent, but hey to each their own right? She has inspected us one by one to ensure we were all in uniform, yep I had to take my shoes off to show her that I was in fact wearing white socks as per the policy. She demands respect but refuses to treat others with respect. We are all adults and should be treated that way. I just can't wait to go to school not feeling so stressed and tense. It will be nice to feel relaxed and calm. So yes I am extremely happy to write an exam. Off to study now.

Unwelcome.

I want to post an entry
but someone who is unwelcome
has been lurking.
If that someone wants to know about my life
they should make an effort
and not creep my blog.
However I don't want that person
to make an effort,
or make any attempts
to contact me.
I would like very much for that someone
to leave me alone,
as they have done in the past.
Because as I mentioned,
they are unwelcome.
They know who they are
and why they are unwelcome.

This past weekend was not only my baby sister's birthday but Shawn's as well. We had this brilliant idea...let's take Shawn to the casino. We all hoped to win big, well to win anything, at all actually. None of us did but Shawn was convinced that if we kept playing that eventually we would win. Almost four hours later, we were broke and tired, and had nothing to show for our lost time and money. So we enjoyed our complimentary drinks which I wouldn't call complimentary because we lost $40+. At least we had fun though...

I'm having some difficulty with my manager. I use the term manager loosely. The last time I saw her manage anything was, um never. I accidentally missed a manadatory inventory meeting. And you may ask, how do you accidentally miss something. Well, I have not had more than 3 shifts a month for the last 3 months. Apparently, there was a notice posted but when you don't get a shift, how are you supposed to know. She called me at the beginning of the month and said "There is a mandatory shift coming up at the end of the month and I'm scheduling people 8am-6pm on Saturday and Sunday. I will let you know more later." I checked my schedule, I wasn't scheduled for the Saturday and since I'm not available on Sunday, I didn't call for the next week's hours until Monday. Well, I go into work on Monday and two of the senior employees corner me at the punch clock and begin to question me about my whereabouts. Since they are not the manager I refused to answer them, and they wouldn't let me punch in. I began to get a little confrontational and the one senior employee who doesn't know her ass from her elbow soon found out where she could go and how to get there.
(I'm not my mother's daughter at all.) She learned that when you corner me, when I am stressed about exams, performance procedures and instruments tests that I am not the kindest person. Well, sure enough the manager calls and tells the senior employee to send me home but the senior didn't send me home because I was counting every single hawaiian lei and she didn't want to do it herself. So I didn't find out until later that I was supposed to be sent home. Had I know, I would have walked. The senior tells me that the manager will be phoning me to discuss my future at the store. My response was "Don't bullshit me, am I fired or am I being written up." She said didn't know. I waited all week and no response. By Friday, I was pissed. I called the store to ask if I had any hours for the following week and of course I didn't. She said that she would be writing me up for missing the mandatory shift. Well, I finally agreed to the write up. Then I asked her, why she was not giving my any shifts on days when I am available and giving employees with less seniority than me those shifts. Well she had the nerve to tell me that because I had a panic attack on New Year's Eve, I became unreliable, incompentent and lazy. It was so busy that day and I was the only person on cash with a line up the length of the store, you are damn right I was panicked. And you know what, I asked to be transferred to another department for 15 minutes. I didn't even stop working. I wasn't incompentent when I came in early and stayed late that day. She said I was unproductive, incompetent and unable to complete a task without direct supervision and guidance. (When she said that it was because of my panic attack, I asked again to confirm her reasoning and she stated "It's because of your panic attack that you are unreliable. She actually said it like an idiot. Thanks for the ammo you just gave me if I feel like calling the labour board.)She also said that because I changed my availability due to school, it was nearly impossible for her to schedule me. You mean to tell me that you can't find an evening shift for me on a Monday, Wednesday or Thursday when I am actually available. If I wanted to be a bitch, I could call the labour board but is it worth my time? Not in a million years. So I called today to see if I had any hours. Of course I do. I have a three hour shift on a day that is not on my availability. What am I going to do? Well find another job ASAP but until then I have a plan. I will go into work, I will politely thank her for the hours, tell her how much I appreciate her putting me on the schedule. Then I will remind her that I am unavailable on Fridays and I would appreciate it more if she could schedule me on days I can work.
I must say I hate her passionately. But I constantly remind myself that I did not choose this for a career, that's why I am in school. I find it pathetic that she takes her job this seriously and at 40-something this is her career. I find comfort in knowing full well that I am not incompetent because I would not have an 80-something average, I would not already be a college grad. At least my resume will be colorful due to my education and not because I discriminate people for something they can't control. Karma will bite her in the ass, and I suspect it in the near future when her barely legal fiance realises the mistake he has made in proposing to her. (had to put that jab in there because I am livid.)

Winter schminter

Despite the fact that the groundhog saw his stupid shadow today, and we have been promised another six weeks of winter, the weather is beautiful. The sun is shining, I can walk down the street with my coat open. And best of all, the snow is melting. I am overjoyed however, Bumble is not. He sat outside in the little banks of snow, rubbing his face and rolling all over the front lawn. I took him for a walk and instead of walking on the sidewalk like a normal dog, he ran through the snow. Every chance he had, there was a little white dog hopping and bouncing through snow. He slipped on some icy spots that still remain but that did not stop him. As he slid, he continued to run or try to run. The first time it happened, I tried to stop to see if he was hurt but he was not going to waste any time, because every second that passes, another little snowflake melts. I'm sure it breaks his little dog heart and while we feel bad for him, we can't wait for the snow to leave. Hopefully, the puppies have not inherited his love for the snow. I don't think there are a lot of people who enjoy walking their dogs in frigid temperatures. On the other hand, I hope they are not terrified of the snow the way Ruby is, she refuses to go outside when it is cold. Or she will go out for about a minute and then start hopping on 3 paws at a time because she is cold. It's quite insane looking to watch one dog do backstrokes through the snow while the other whines and cries and hops on three little paws. Maybe there will be a happy medium or maybe they will be as neurotic as their parents. For now the snow is melting, it is warm out and I couldn't be happier about it even if the groundhog predicts otherwise. Why do we listen to the opinion of a groundhog anyway,

Ask and you shall receive

Yesterday, I was stressed out beyond imaginable. I thought my head might explode, clearly it did not seeing as how I'm writing this but anyways.
I had an exam on Radiology. It was an exam based on the first 15 chapters of the text book which was over 200 pages. So after hours of studying last night I prayed for a miracle snow day. I know that the weather forecast was not calling for much snow but I asked for it. I woke up and of course it was not a snow day, so then I asked "Can my teacher be sick or can't make it or something?" No such luck. I went to school, sat at my desk and then said "Please tell me that she is postponing the test until Monday." She began handing out the tests and I asked for one last thing, just a pass, 70% that's all I need. The exam had 90 questions. I started to panic a little bit. I finally answered all the questions, I was about to hand it in when I decided to review my answers. That took another nerve racking 20 minutes. Checked my answers, made a few corrections. Stood up, passed it to the teacher and hoped for the best. She graded the papers then stood at the front of the class with the ice cold stare she gets when she is thoroughly disappointed. My heart sank a little bit, the moment of truth. She stood there for a minute before she began her "What happened? Why didn't you ask questions? Did you not understand the material? You had two weeks off at Christmas to study, apparently most of you didn't use your time wisely." With that last remark, she walked through the room and passed the tests around. I was the third person to get my test and I was worried. I flipped the paper so quickly to look at my grade that I dropped it on the floor. I looked for my grade and was happy to see a 76.4%. A huge feeling of relief swept over me, I was one of the few to pass the exam. I didn't get my miracle snow day but I got something and that is a lot better than nothing. I guess a miracle snow day was out of the question but my ability to pass the exam was not.
Thankfully, I can enjoy my weekend now. (I have a P.D. Day tomorrow.)

All I am asking is that you teach

As the Christmas Season approaches, the supervisor at my school felt it necessary to give our class an early gift. The gift of suspensions, detentions, write ups whatever you would like to call it. Granted the school is an adult education centre that provides training on specific jobs in the health care field and there are specific dress codes and guidelines. However that being said, a certain supervisor has been in my class about 3 times in the last month, nit picking everything in the rule book regarding dress code. Instead of removing the few students who were not in proper uniform and discussing this matter in her office, she lectured the entire class for 25 minutes. She has already been in class twice, she has probably accumulated 2 hours of education time lecturing students. The first couple times I wasn't happy about it but I figured, she has a job to do, she has a supervisor to report to, so she has to do it.
This time, she has taken it too far. 25 minutes? After she has already been in here a couple times? So a few students don't understand or they are dense or something but excuse them from class, DO NOT INTERRUPT the entire class to rant and check every single student, right down to their socks and underwear. Oh yeah, now she wants to ensure that we are wearing white underwear only. If she thinks she is coming anywhere near my underwear she has another thing coming. It's bad enough that she checks our socks, but this is over the top. 100% ridiculous.
The entire time she is ranting about dress code, I am sitting there stewing, becoming more and more upset as the time passes. I am paying you fools $14,000 to educate me, not judge me on my appearance. If I want to wear hot pink underwear with lime green polka dots, I have that right. If I want lime green and orange hair color, I have that right as well. There is nothing in the policy that states that I can't have green and orange hair color but apparently "they are working on that too."
I understand that they are trying to prepare us for the workplace and that certain dentists will have certain expectations, however I am sitting in class, reading about radiology. When an employer is paying me I will gladly abide by their rules, in the meantime I am paying YOU to EDUCATE ME. Stop judging my appearance and teach me something or give me my money back, so I can go somewhere else.


P.S. Thank you all for your comments regarding Spencer's car accident. I appreciate it. He is doing much better and looking for a new car.

I need to vent

The Cougar has been written off. Spencer will be receiving $7000 for the car, which means we have to go car shop and find another one. I hated car shopping the first time around and he only looked at two or three cars before he bought the Cougar.
I am still really upset about the car accident. I really hate the woman that was so careless and negliegent to smash the front end of the car in. I really hate the fact that she was such an idiotic driver that she couldn't be bothered to look around her. I really hate the fact that she said to Spencer "Oh well, this is what insurance is for" rather than apologising or asking if he was ok. I really hate that she didn't offer him a ride home, her son did when he came to pick her up. I'm really annoyed that her front bumper has a dent in it and that's about it, when Spencer's was strapped into the backseat of the car. I am really frustrated with the officer that did not charge this woman. If the car accident would have been Spencer's fault, he would have been charged because he is a 19 year old male driving a sport's car but because it was an older woman driving a Honda Civic, it's ok.
I dislike the fact that people keep saying "It was an accident, she didn't mean to do it." Well, she was careless, negliegent and she didn't do much to prevent it either. I really question the individual that gave her a driver's license. She told the officer "It was too dark and I didn't look." Does that not warrant a ticket? Apparently not.
I know that eventually I will let this go, probably when he gets a new car but in the mean time I am still pissed and I am allowed to be. And I sincerely hope this has been a wake up call for this woman because it has been for Spencer.

We find out tomorrow, if the insurance company will pay for the damages. The estimate is around $3,500 - $4,000. We are hoping that they say "yes" and do not write the car off. Thankfully, Spencer has the day off tomorrow so he can find out asap.

This afternoon, I had to take a short walk to my doctor's office. Very short, 15 minutes total, that includes walking there and back. Anyways, I'm listening to my ipod, enjoying some Finger Eleven, when I look up and see a Chevy Aveo driving down the sidewalk towards me. First of all, it scared the pants off me. Second of all, why is there a Chevy Aveo driving down the sidewalk? Turns out, the lovely driver can't figure out how to turn a car around, so clearly she must drive it down the sidewalk until she can stop at a corner, block two lanes of traffic and then continue on her merry way into a parking space. Right in front of my doctor's office. I wanted to say something, in fact I had a lot to say, but did I say anything? No, because, I would just be wasting my breath. Did I call the police, take down her license plate number? No, I didn't do that either. I figure, she is driving downtown like an idiot where there is a lot of police presence in hopes of scaring away crackheads and the like. She is only tempting fate in the wrong neighborhood.

Now to show you the size of the car.



It's not a very big car at all. It's about the size of a Yaris, little bigger than a smart car. Now, I don't drive but if you can't turn a car around properly or safely maybe, just maybe you shouldn't have your license. If you have to drive the car on to the sidewalk to turn around for fear of colliding with another car, you definitly should not have your license.

Happy 1st Birthday Bumble

Happy Halloween

14 Thousand Dollars

I am so stressed out right now. Unbelieveably stressed. My stomach is in knots and flip flopping. My hands are shaking and I can barely concentrate. I found out yesterday that my student loan for school wasn't approved and unfortunately I do not have 14 thousand dollars laying around. I have a meeting at noon to see if I can pay for school somehow. Otherwise, I can't attend class this afternoon.
I hope that I can find 14 thousand dollars somewhere. (Without a student loan from the government I can not afford to go to school again.)I just want to know how a school can charge that much for education? Seriously, you want people in the medical field but you make the programs so ridiculously expensive that no one can afford it. I don't understand.
I really want to go to school, I am enjoying it so much and it feels right. I still did my homework and everything for today, I studied for two exams. One is a WHMIS exam and I studied, don't they know that WHMIS bores me to death and I can think of worse things that I would rather do than WHMIS?
I hope I can work something out, because I do not want to work at "Party Packagers, your perfect party superstore" for the rest of my life.

Day 3 of School

Today will be my third day of school, and so far I am enjoying it. However, today we are learning WHMIS. Last month, when I had to WHMIS for work, I said "If I have to do WHMIS one more time this year, I am going to dump acid on my eyes and end it all." I realise that it's a bit extreme, but seriously, I could do it in my sleep. I have done WHMIS every year since grade nine, that's six years of WHMIS. Grrrrr. stupid WHMIS.
Yesterday we did some anatomy (which I love), we learned the classifications of cavities, the names of all the teeth in the mouth, the names of the different surfaces. It was much better than the first day. The first day we read out loud the chapter on microbiology. SOOOO BORING! The homework is brutal, hours and hours of it and this is just prestudy.
I have the first two weeks of school off from work, so I get to miss all the Halloween crap. I hear it's brutal and extremely busy. But I'm not there so I don't care. Melanie, my latest partner in crime, texts me everyday, telling me how much she hates it and wants me to come back. I can't blame her, I am pretty entertaining. We do a whole lot of nothing all day, well we play dress up. I have been a cop, an indian princess, an airline attendant, a Ruby Goddess (whatever that is). My fav costume though is Bat Girl. I've worn that one a couple times. Melanie has been a cowgirl, a cop, and I don't even know what else. We have probably tried on the majority of the women's costumes. The scariest costume Melanie ever wore was .... Michael Jackson. Pretty Creepy.
Tonight, I am going shopping with my Mom. I have to get the rest of my school supplies...scrubs for the clinic, a lab coat and safety googles. I'm sure it's going to be pretty hot. Maybe I will take a picture and post it.
Tomorrow Saw V opens up and I am very excited. Spencer and I have watched the first four to make sure we know what is happening when we go to see it tomorrow night. it is rumoured that Donnie Wahlberg will be reprising his role as Eric Matthews.



And he is taking me to Applebee's. I've never been there before but we can't keep going to Crabby Joe's together or they are going to put us to work, most of the servers know us by name.
Saturday, we are going to one of my fav places, the Pumpkin Patch. We need us some pumpkins. Ruby is terrified of them and I can't wait to see Bumble's reaction - after all he is afraid of his own reflection.

It looks like it's going to be a great weekend.
Hope you have a great weekend too.
P.S. I love hearing NKOTB on the radio again, I crank it in the car when Spencer is driving. I think he dies a little inside when I do that to him.

I am really excited to start this new adventure, I am going to school in 14 days. I can honestly say that I am really happy about this decision. I am excited about it and can't wait to start. I never felt this way about Advertising. Ever. I am going to begin a one year dental assisting program. It's disgustingly expensive, the numbers turn my stomach but let's not worry about that. My job is going as well as it could be I guess. I don't really like the job but it pays 25cents more than minimum wage, I work days and never weekends. It has it's positives. Plus, I love money, and now I have more of it. I work in a party store with lots of costumes, accessories and stuff. I play a ton of dress up and they encourage that, so I'm pretty lucky that I get paid to do that. The store is also going to let me work afternoons and not evenings and weekends when I'm in school which I really like because, that's what high school pukes are for, I hated high school kids even when I was one.
On Sunday, my mom, Shawn, Spencer and myself went to Windsor to see relatives. My mom's cousin just had a baby at the end of July and we have been dying to see her. She is so adorable. We had a great time and I will let my mom fill you in on the rest when she isn't suffering from a cold.
That's all that's new with me, just keeping busy very busy.

Let's talk about Sex

In the words of Salt 'n' Pepa,
"Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things"
Tonight, I came across an article about teen sex. It is based on a study of high school students male and female in grades 9 and 11. It discusses, peer pressure or being bullied in to sex. Apparently the article inspired some people to begin a heated debate on the topic.
Take some time to read the article and some of the comments then, I would really like to hear your opinion on the topic.

http://ca.lifestyle.yahoo.com/family-relationships/blog/anndouglas/761/high-school-confidential-27-percent-of-teen-girls-and-10-percent-of-teen-boys-pressured-into-unwanted-sex

My opinion is this...
Girls and boys can both feel pressured in to sex. Not all young males are the horny devils that many perceive them to be. Some boys can feel pressured or bullied in to doing "it." Boys too can feel scared, nervous, unprepared or just not ready. Some boys could be saving themselves. Just because they don't say it, doesn't mean they don't feel that way. Some boys are ready, some boys do have sex, some boys put pressure on their partner to have sex but this can go two ways.
Typically, we hear from girls about feeling pressured or bullied in to sex. Or using oral sex as a way to avoid intercourse. (Oral sex is considered sex too, it is still the action of giving a part of yourself to another person just like intercourse.) However, just as much as boys, girls can put pressure on their partner to have sex. Girls can persuade their partner into participating when they know their partner has said "No."
There is a difference between rape and what this article talks about - we all have free will, we all have the right to say "No," however our partners may disregard our feelings and find ways to persuade the opposite sex. Rape is when despite your best efforts to say "No" or fight the person off, they force themselves on to you. Rape can take place when one is intoxicated or unable to say "No." It is up to each person to voice their concerns but are we always able? Are we always willing? How comfortable are we with that person to really say to them "I'm not ready." As a high school student or young adult you don't always have the confidence to say "No" and really stand up for what we believe in. High school puts pressure on young adults in many different forms and this is just one of them, but just as much as a student should do their homework or study for their midterm, their parents should take the time to be truly open and honest about healthy sexual relationships. (And, for any young readers who have parents that are not willing to talk about sex, feel free to borrow mine. They have always been honest about sex and have never really held anything back....*cough*Shawn.)
Eventually, everyone will have sex, it is a natural part of life. We should teach children early on about healthy relationships and respecting your friends and eventually your partner.

MTV Video Music Awards

I didn't watch the awards show because like every other awards show I couldn't be bothered with it. Usually, I just browse the million and one pictures or articles carelessly strewn about the Internet.
The MTV awards caught my attention because apparently Britney Spears was on her very best behaviour. I have been secretly rooting for her over the last year, but not like the crying guy on youtube who wants to be Britney Spears. She looked great, she was gracious and most of all she didn't perform.



Of course Miley Cyrus was there, talk about a kid with split personality is she Hannah Montana or Miley Cyrus? I never know, all I know is that I'm not a fan.



Miley Cyrus made friends with Katy Perry. I am undecided on her. She has the "I kissed a girl" song. I tried so hard to hate it but it was so damn catchy and it was stuck in my head all the time so I came to love it. However her clothing choice is not winning me over.



What can I say about Rihanna. Well, I enjoy her music the first two times I hear a song and then it becomes overplayed, and much like watching an awards show I can't be bothered.



Has anyone noticed how much cuter Ashlee Simpson is now that she fixed her nose? However with her new marriage and a baby on the way, I'm sure MTV will be throwing a reality tv show contract at them. And like her sister's marriage it will collapse into the sea with the chicken of the sea. Since their music careers have come to a stop, they have been promoting their own clothing line. I'm not sure if their musical careers came to a stop because her album isn't very good or if everyone is sick and tired of Fallout Boy playing the same three songs except with different lyrics. Who knows but for some reason, they were there.



Demi Moore also attended the awards show, not sure why, but she was there. I suspect that it's because she is a cougar and she has finally noticed what a tool Ashton Kutcher is and that he will never change. So she is on the hunt for some new, young male flesh. However, I hope someone warned her to stay away from the Jonas Brothers, they have promise rings and won't fall into her womanly traps so easily.



Pink was also there, she has a new single out but I have not heard it yet. I usually love seeing Pink because she always has such awesome hair and she is much more unique than the other female artists who walk the red carpet. I was hoping to see a wicked hairstyle that I could imitate but this one - I don't think so, I really like the cut but definitely not the color.



I did not recognize this next celeb. She very much like Pink sometimes likes to break the female popstar mould and this was no exception. Christina Aguilera attended wearing what I think may be a dress, can anyone identify this clothing piece for sure?



Last but certainly not least, Lindsay Lohan. She has become disgustingly thin. As Spencer put it "She looks like a bobble head toy. Do you see the resemblance, come on tell me you see it?" Yes, I definitely see it. In her best interest someone should point her in the direction of the nearest McDonald's and order her a supersize Big Mac combo.



In the end, it was just another typical night in Hollywood, except Nicole Scherzinger, the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls was there and for once she was wearing an acceptable amount of clothing.

A random update with completely random photos that have absolutely nothing to do with what I am talking about

Just for your enjoyment...
I currently have a part time job, I started two weeks ago and it is definately not where I want to be. I keep reminding myself how much I dislike so that my drive to find a job in my field will not disipate. The only good thing is that I am making my own money again. And we all know how much I LOVE money. All the clothes and shoes I have dreamed of can be purchased. Thank God.
I will be getting the Adobe Creative Suite very soon and I could not be more excited because it means that I can get some freelance work. I can also finish up some projects from school to add to my portfolio. Can't wait for it to come. :)
I am counting down the days to a very special event, the NKOTB reunioun tour. We have tix to the first date of the tour...13 days. I have a good feeling Shawn and Spencer will be very drunk. Actually they told me so it's more than a feeling. That also means that we will be doing some shopping in Toronto at the Eaton's Centre.